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Breakin' Up Is Hard to Do?

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Nora wrote: "This shall be my last message for this board and I shall

not respond anymore, and this is what I have to say."

 

Dear Nora:

 

Last night, I received a call from my dear old friend, P___. He was

at a hotel. His marriage is breaking up. Anna was on the cell phone

with E____, his wife. We have all been good friends for years, long

before we all married and settled down. They have a gorgeous

home, beautiful young daughters, excellent professions. And now that

is unraveling. It was in my dreams all night as I slept, and it

weighed heavily on my thoughts this morning as I woke.

 

Then I logged into and found this from you. It didn't even

shock me; it just fit the mood. As with P___ and E___'s marriage

dissolving before their (and my) eyes, it represents the victory of

negativity and ill-will over positivity and good works.

 

Am I being overly dramatic? Maybe, maybe not. But indulge me for a

moment, all right? We are not married, of course. You have your

S____, I have my A___. We have our lives. But in this project of

Shakti Sadhana, we really are "married" -- in the sense that it's

something enduring and beautiful that we built together with love and

passion, laughter and tears. Together we faced all enemies, and

emerged scarred but unbeaten. We explored new worlds, learned

together, made mistakes together -- but always growing wiser and

stronger.

 

I am not saying this to make you stay if you do not want to stay. I

am not saying it to make you feel bad. I celebrate those years in my

heart, and will cherish them always. If it wasn't meant to last, so

be it. Better to separate than to stay together in a poisoned

atmosphere of resentment and mistrust. The group is Devi's and She is

its only raison d'etre.

 

But we are its twin human poles. For better or for worse, our

personalities, in combination, defined the place. People felt the

love and passion we brought to the group, the time we were willing to

invest -- and they stayed. In the absense of that feeling, they will

go, and they should. The group seems strong. It is growing, becoming

the sheltering "oak tree" we once called it in a fairy tale we co-

wrote in laughter. But it is still very young. Its roots are still

deepening. It is vulnerable, and will not survive the strong wind you

propose. It will begin to wither, like big trees do. Not all at once.

Just fewer and fewer green branches each season, until it is but a

shadow of its former self.

 

I will not let it happen. The group and its people mean too much to

me. If you wish to go, I will support your decision and will love you

all the same. I will not try to stop you. But I will not stay and try

to pretend that the tree is fine. Kochu and SE101 are teachers and

brothers; Buttercookie61 has been a steadfast friend and supporter

although her views often diverge from ours. But without you,

something essential will be gone, and I will not stay and act as if

it did not happen.

 

I too will leave, and I will telphone you within the next few days (I

am on vacation, and online irregularly) to plan our last great act

together: Dismantling and closing the group -- just as our first

great acts together were to create and to save it. We must not now

leave it abandoned, a great bloated whale carcass, empty and sad like

so many other big, dead . We must put it to rest with the

same love and respect that it has always shown to us. We must work

together one last time, and do this thing right. It is our duty.

 

Will people care? Maybe a few, for a while. Maybe more. I always

suspect that we made a lot of people happy, more than we'll ever

know. A___ will probably be thrilled for a few days, trumpeting to

everyone who'll listen that she knew it all along and predicted

everything -- that she warned me about you; and warned you about me.

No one will listen or care, of course, except her usual circle of

cronies ... and she will soon lose interest and (under whatever new

combination of ID's) move on to find new targets for her negativity

and ill-will.

 

Because yes, as I said above, this is a victory for negativity and

ill will. But hatred can never breed joy. Her victory will still be

as sterile as the group that she formed to mock us. And our loss will

still be as sweet as the group that we built together.

 

With all warmest wishes -- and yes, with love ...

 

DB

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