Guest guest Posted April 13, 2006 Report Share Posted April 13, 2006 Though the below article show positve and negative side of having daughters.I still cannot understand nor able to sympathise with parents who see their children as an extra burden. I come from a family of 4 sister(including me), we were not rich but certainly did not feel poor. Those formative days are full of pleasant memories - nothing spectacular .- Those memories I treasure even today.(we had our own ups and downs) - though I am 40+ with a grown up daughter who does medicine. (I got married around 21). Two of my sister's are professionals - My parents with their limited income gave us decent upbringing. All sister's were given some art lessons. One sister is a good singer and other good dancer. My father himself a good carnatic singer- my mother is a good Housekeeper(i would rate her talent equivalent to a fashion designer). She had that skill - but had no formal label. My parents were war children - for whom hardwork and judicious spending came naturally. To make a home happy one donot need too much money - what one need is a WILL to bring thier children to their best ability and be a positve role models. Nurture, caring and hardworking is what matters - this is what the memory when a child grows up would like to treasure as wealth. No matter how rich he or she becomes in future, but that formative age nobody can change. This dictates her future. When I read articles where parents see their own children as burden it pains me beyond words- (I saw pain and suffering in west also)instead of sympathy and compassion towards those parents - i feel a sense of anger. I felt like sharing (i wrote my own mini autobiography which nobdoy asked for)- it may not be applicable to this form. I pray to god - not to send your gift to this world where it only gets shattered. You are a MAHA MAYA - how can you be an ambasador where your own children experience nothing other than cruelty and injustice - I am not able to understand her maya(what she gains- I ask her) at the same time I know she is present. i donot have any spiritual awakening - but she is a living goddess this is what i feel. raji. --\ -------------------------- > >HONG KONG (March 30, 2006): Growing up in my hometown in Indian >Punjab, I often heard people remarking to my father, "You are very >fortunate." It seemed a reasonable statement: In the hothouse of the >Indian middle class, obsessed with academic performance, were we >five siblings, each intent on surpassing the excellent scholarship >of the others. > >How much better could it get for my parents? I would shrug with the >cool assurance of youth; I saw but never registered my father's >furrowed brow, the questioning upward movement of his hand. It was >only later, when I moved out of Punjab to study engineering, that I >began to comprehend, little by little, the nature of my >father's "fortune." > >In a land where people do away with newborn girls, my father had >four daughters. "Kuree maar" (daughter-killer) is a common >pejorative in Punjab, yet my father was not only raising four girls, >but also educating them and sending them to professional colleges. >To add to the strangeness of it all, the girls began to graduate and >earn handsome salaries. > >Punjab, India's gateway through the ages to conquering armies from >Persia, Mongolia and Turkey, had distilled its historical wisdom >into a belief that girls were no good. Centuries back, they were >carried off by marauding armies as slave booty; today they are an >inferior commodity in the marriage market. > >When their child reaches marriagable age, parents who have sired a >son (often with considerable help from a sex-determination test) can >command a Honda car, a house, a flat-screen television, cash, even >foreign trips - all in the name of the dowry that the hapless >parents of the bride are obliged to provide. In a patriarchal >society like Punjab, women are defined by matrimony. > >Before marriage, a Indian woman is a cipher. Marriage simply confers >the decimal point. Thereafter, she can raise her value by becoming >the mother of sons. It is in her hands, and she understands the >situation all too well. > >The tools are readily available: tin-roofed clinics in dusty towns >that provide prenatal diagnostic testing and subsequent "medical >termination of pregnancy," also known as abortion; traveling >laboratories that conduct on- the-spot ultrasound tests; midwives >who scour the countryside for pregnant women in need of "help." For >some, it is never too late to smother a newborn girl under a sack of >grain, strangle her, or bury her alive. > >Punjab, India's granary and its most prosperous state, has added >another claim to its record: it's the state with the worst child sex >ratio: 776 girls for every 1,000 boys. There are districts in the >state where only one girl child has been born in the past six months. > >This is giving rise to a whole new breed of women, known as >Draupadis. In the great Indian epic, the Mahabharata, Draupadi was >married to five Pandava brothers, and played a central role in the >story. But she is no heroine, no role model; the regard Indians hold >for her is apparent in the fact that seldom is a girl named after >her. > >Scarce supply should increase the premium on goods. But in the >upside-down world that India's women inhabit, everyone wants a woman >who is somebody else's daughter. Consequently, fraternal polyandry >is flourishing, institutionalizing violence against women: one woman >is forced to marry her husband's brothers, and is expected to >produce sons for each of them. > >My father managed to astound his community with his counterintuitive >act: In a culture that regards the birth of a girl as bad luck, he >decided that his daughters would be in charge of their destinies. He >empowered us. To my mind, that simple act is a beacon. > >Laws exist in India to safeguard women's rights: polyandry, seeking >dowry and sex selection all are prohibited. These laws, however, >need to be publicized and enforced so that women know a legal >recourse exists for them and that when facing a bully, the first >step might just be to stand up for their rights. > >In one recent instance, a new bride was daily nagged by her mother- >in-law for more dowry. One day she wrenched open a can of kerosene, >splashed it on herself and declared she was proceeding to the >nearest police station to complain that her in-laws' were >threatening to set her on fire. > >The burning of brides after dowry disputes has forced the police to >sit up. The mother-in-law, chastened, stopped her nagging. The young >woman was successful because she knew the law existed. > >SOURCE: International Herald Tribune. India's Women Battle the 'Bad >Luck' Label, by Manreet Sodhi Someshwar >URL: http://www.iht.com/articles/2006/03/29/opinion/edmanreet.php > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 13, 2006 Report Share Posted April 13, 2006 , "rajeshwari iyer" <rajii31 wrote: > > Though the below article show positve and negative side of having > daughters.I still cannot understand nor able to sympathise with parents who see their children as an extra burden. I come from a family of 4 sister(including me), we were not rich but certainly did not feel poor. Those formative days are full of pleasant memories - nothing spectacular .- Those memories I treasure even today.(we had our own ups and downs) - though I am 40+ with a grown up daughter who does medicine. (I got married around 21). > Two of my sister's are professionals - My parents with their limited income gave us decent upbringing. All sister's were given some art lessons. One sister is a good singer and other good dancer. My father himself a good carnatic singer- my mother is a good Housekeeper(i would rate her talent equivalent to a fashion designer). She had that skill - but had no formal label. My parents were war children - for whom hardwork and judicious spending came naturally. To make a home happy one donot need too much money - what one need is a WILL to bring thier children to their best ability and be a positve role models. Nurture, caring and hardworking is what matters - this is what the memory when a child grows up would like to treasure as wealth. No matter how rich he or she becomes in future, but that formative age nobody can change. This dictates her future. When I read articles where parents see their own children as burden it pains me beyond words- (I saw pain and suffering in west also)instead of sympathy and compassion towards those parents - i feel a sense of anger. I felt like sharing (i wrote my own mini autobiography which nobdoy asked for)- it may not be applicable to this form. I pray to god - not to send your gift to this world where it only gets shattered. You are a MAHA MAYA - how can you be an ambasador where your own children experience nothing other than cruelty and injustice - I am not able to understand her maya(what she gains- I ask her) at the same time I know she is present. i do not have any spiritual awakening - but she is a living goddess this is what i feel. raji. One elderly parent once told me : We do not have a huge land nor inheritance to hand it over to our daughters. The greatest gift a parent could give to their children particularly to their daughters is education, with the hope that Education will make them a better person not only economically but as an Individual. Another I encounter a not so young yuppie couple, and they excaimed : we do not want to have any children. They will be a burden to us. We like the live we are living right now, children will only be a hindrance. Sad don't you think, but this is the realities of the world. What there is to be sad about actually. This is how DEVI wants us to see as it should be. What we have seen, all this negativities against daughters are the past. We are now in the present and the future. No point in lamenting : why! why! is this happening. All these are the cycles of life, we need to break it in order to transcend higher level. Do something about it NOW! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 14, 2006 Report Share Posted April 14, 2006 Hello Rajii That is very beautiful post , I must say that in the west the community I live , most people here wait till their carriers are well developed , before having children . Everyone seems to say the same thing " When the time is right , I still want to travel, I want to develop my business more " there seems to be the never ending desire of wants !!! by the time a couple wants to have their first child they are around mid 40's . I am probably the youngest parent being 36 in my community. By that time most women have to use some kind of artificial way of helping them get actually pregnant. I am not sure how to look at it. Ultimately as you stated a loving home is much more important than a financially well to do family lacking love. Namaste, Joanna > > , "rajeshwari iyer" > <rajii31@> wrote: > > > > Though the below article show positve and negative side of having > > daughters.I still cannot understand nor able to sympathise with > parents who see their children as an extra burden. I come from a > family of 4 sister(including me), we were not rich but certainly did > not feel poor. Those formative days are full of pleasant memories - > nothing spectacular .- Those memories I treasure even today.(we had > our own ups and downs) - though I am 40+ with a grown up daughter > who does medicine. (I got married around 21). > > > Two of my sister's are professionals - My parents with their > limited income gave us decent upbringing. All sister's were given > some art lessons. One sister is a good singer and other good > dancer. My father himself a good carnatic singer- my mother is a > good Housekeeper(i would rate her talent equivalent to a fashion > designer). She had that skill - but had no formal label. My > parents were war children - for whom hardwork and judicious > spending came naturally. > > To make a home happy one donot need too much money - what one need > is a WILL to bring thier children to their best ability and be a > positve role models. Nurture, caring and hardworking is what > matters - this is what the memory when a child grows up would like > to treasure as wealth. No matter how rich he or she becomes in > future, but that formative age nobody can change. This dictates her > future. > > When I read articles where parents see their own children as > burden it pains me beyond words- (I saw pain and suffering in west > also)instead of sympathy and compassion towards those parents - i > feel a sense of anger. > > I felt like sharing (i wrote my own mini autobiography which > nobdoy asked for)- it may not be applicable to this form. I pray to > god - not to send your gift to this world where it only gets > shattered. You are a MAHA MAYA - how can you be an ambasador where > your own children experience nothing other than cruelty and > injustice - I am not able to understand her maya(what she gains- I > ask her) at the same time I know she is present. i do not have any > spiritual awakening - but she is a living goddess this is what i > feel. raji. > > > > One elderly parent once told me : We do not have a huge land nor > inheritance to hand it over to our daughters. The greatest gift a > parent could give to their children particularly to their daughters > is education, with the hope that Education will make them a better > person not only economically but as an Individual. > > Another I encounter a not so young yuppie couple, and they > excaimed : we do not want to have any children. They will be a > burden to us. We like the live we are living right now, children > will only be a hindrance. > > Sad don't you think, but this is the realities of the world. What > there is to be sad about actually. This is how DEVI wants us to see > as it should be. What we have seen, all this negativities against > daughters are the past. We are now in the present and the future. No > point in lamenting : why! why! is this happening. All these are the > cycles of life, we need to break it in order to transcend higher > level. > > Do something about it NOW! > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 16, 2006 Report Share Posted April 16, 2006 hello all, Nice to hear from you all. My parents never saw us as burden. So,I am never able to relate with some of the articles that get posted - it only pains me when I read them. An individual like me even if I desire to do something and be sincere in my effort- it will not work, because I donot have the expertise to change the mind set - all it needs is will of Governemnt to bring changes. It is happening in India - I can say this from the point of meteropolitian cities Yes, it is very true that daughter's are no longer seen as burden atlest in urban cities - both boys and girls get equal share when comes to education or WILLl sharing. That IS WHY THE MOVIE 'The Bride and prejudice' did very badly in cosmopolitain cities. No younger generation could relate to those characters and especially her mother's reaction(in movie) Tobe honest, I thought the Director made a mockery of good classical novel, she turned it into a Coronation street. It seems she was inspired by Pride and Prejduice. I came out thinking that she is still living in past. Her upbringing is in U.k. but her mentality in that film reflected 1950's thought process. But her film 'Bend it like Becken' is worth watching. To your mail Joanna - It may well be true but where I lived (holland)- there were many young parents. They took pride in bringing up children and be housewife. Don't you think it is demanding and worth spending time with your kids. raji. >Hello Rajii > > That is very beautiful post , I must say that in the west the community >I live , most people >here wait till their carriers are well developed , before having children . >Everyone seems to >say the same thing " When the time is right , I still want to travel, I >want to develop my >business more " there seems to be the never ending desire of wants !!! by >the time a >couple wants to have their first child they are around mid 40's . I am >probably the >youngest parent being 36 in my community. By that time most women have to >use some >kind of artificial way of helping them get actually pregnant. I am not sure >how to look at it. >Ultimately as you stated a loving home is much more important than a >financially well to >do family lacking love. > >Namaste, Joanna > > > > , "rajeshwari iyer" > > <rajii31@> wrote: > > > > > > Though the below article show positve and negative side of having > > > daughters.I still cannot understand nor able to sympathise with > > parents who see their children as an extra burden. I come from a > > family of 4 sister(including me), we were not rich but certainly did > > not feel poor. Those formative days are full of pleasant memories - > > nothing spectacular .- Those memories I treasure even today.(we had > > our own ups and downs) - though I am 40+ with a grown up daughter > > who does medicine. (I got married around 21). > > > > > Two of my sister's are professionals - My parents with their > > limited income gave us decent upbringing. All sister's were given > > some art lessons. One sister is a good singer and other good > > dancer. My father himself a good carnatic singer- my mother is a > > good Housekeeper(i would rate her talent equivalent to a fashion > > designer). She had that skill - but had no formal label. My > > parents were war children - for whom hardwork and judicious > > spending came naturally. > > > > To make a home happy one donot need too much money - what one need > > is a WILL to bring thier children to their best ability and be a > > positve role models. Nurture, caring and hardworking is what > > matters - this is what the memory when a child grows up would like > > to treasure as wealth. No matter how rich he or she becomes in > > future, but that formative age nobody can change. This dictates her > > future. > > > > When I read articles where parents see their own children as > > burden it pains me beyond words- (I saw pain and suffering in west > > also)instead of sympathy and compassion towards those parents - i > > feel a sense of anger. > > > > I felt like sharing (i wrote my own mini autobiography which > > nobdoy asked for)- it may not be applicable to this form. I pray to > > god - not to send your gift to this world where it only gets > > shattered. You are a MAHA MAYA - how can you be an ambasador where > > your own children experience nothing other than cruelty and > > injustice - I am not able to understand her maya(what she gains- I > > ask her) at the same time I know she is present. i do not have any > > spiritual awakening - but she is a living goddess this is what i > > feel. raji. > > > > > > > > One elderly parent once told me : We do not have a huge land nor > > inheritance to hand it over to our daughters. The greatest gift a > > parent could give to their children particularly to their daughters > > is education, with the hope that Education will make them a better > > person not only economically but as an Individual. > > > > Another I encounter a not so young yuppie couple, and they > > excaimed : we do not want to have any children. They will be a > > burden to us. We like the live we are living right now, children > > will only be a hindrance. > > > > Sad don't you think, but this is the realities of the world. What > > there is to be sad about actually. This is how DEVI wants us to see > > as it should be. What we have seen, all this negativities against > > daughters are the past. We are now in the present and the future. No > > point in lamenting : why! why! is this happening. All these are the > > cycles of life, we need to break it in order to transcend higher > > level. > > > > Do something about it NOW! > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 17, 2006 Report Share Posted April 17, 2006 That's an interesting observation, Raji! I don't know much about the movies' director, Gurinder Chadha, although I googled up that she was born in Kenya, and grew up in England. One website says they moved to England in 1951, another in 1961. http://www.britmovie.co.uk/biog/c/014.html http://www.screenonline.org.uk/people/id/502103/ http://www.filmmonthly.com/Profiles/Articles/GChadha/GChadha.html If she seems to be stuck in the 50's, perhaps it has to do with when her parents left India? (Just a theory.) As an immigrant and a child of immigrants, her understanding of "Indianness" would largely be based on her parents' and other relatives' memories of the India that they left--an India more or less frozen in time. , "rajeshwari iyer" <rajii31 wrote: > > [....] > Yes, it is very true that daughters > are no longer seen as burden at least in > urban cities - both boys and girls get > an equal share when comes to education > or WILLl sharing. That IS WHY THE MOVIE > 'Bride and Prejudice' did very > badly in cosmopolitain cities. No younger > generation could relate to those > characters and especially her mother's > reaction (in movie) [....] > I came out thinking that she is still living in past. > Her upbringing is in U.k. but her mentality in that > film reflected 1950's thought process. But > her film 'Bend it like Becken' is worth watching. [....] Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 19, 2006 Report Share Posted April 19, 2006 That may well be true but her formative days are in U.k - she. managed to reflect her upbringing and iinter cultural problems in ' Bend it like Beckam' with good sense of humour. But, her idea of India is far behind. I donot think she has any grasp of modern India. She may do well by directing movies that is related to her upbrining - India is changing for good and bad . Technically middle class are growing and are doing well economically. Prosperity changes one's perception and this reflects in current generation. Theirr needs and demands are no different from west. This has not registered in that director's mind - that was my comment. India definately needs face-lift and they must do something to address GENUINE problems. It is disgusting and painful to read articles. Governemnt ought to get it straight that all blue and white collar middle class pay TAX. They donot want to see poverty parading on the street or on some journal. raji. > > >That's an interesting observation, Raji! > >I don't know much about the movies' director, >Gurinder Chadha, although I googled up that she was >born in Kenya, and grew up in England. One website says >they moved to England in 1951, another in 1961. > >http://www.britmovie.co.uk/biog/c/014.html >http://www.screenonline.org.uk/people/id/502103/ >http://www.filmmonthly.com/Profiles/Articles/GChadha/GChadha.html > >If she seems to be stuck in the 50's, perhaps it has >to do with when her parents left India? >(Just a theory.) As an immigrant >and a child of immigrants, her understanding of >"Indianness" would largely be based on her parents' and other >relatives' memories of the India that they left--an India >more or less frozen in time. > >, "rajeshwari iyer" <rajii31 >wrote: > > > > [....] > > Yes, it is very true that daughters > > are no longer seen as burden at least in > > urban cities - both boys and girls get > > an equal share when comes to education > > or WILLl sharing. That IS WHY THE MOVIE > > 'Bride and Prejudice' did very > > badly in cosmopolitain cities. No younger > > generation could relate to those > > characters and especially her mother's > > reaction (in movie) [....] > > I came out thinking that she is still living in past. > > Her upbringing is in U.k. but her mentality in that > > film reflected 1950's thought process. But > > her film 'Bend it like Becken' is worth watching. [....] > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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