anxiety

[Guest guest]

gabita, I have mini-anxiety attacks and

psychological blocks before a few asanas, but not the kurmasana

family. My main bane is urdhva dhanurasana. I almost

hyperventilate and my heart races and I need to take several

breaths between each backbend. This problem still occurs

every day, despite the progress I've made in terms of

strength and flexibility. Objectively I have no real

problem with the asana and can stand up from a backbend,

drop into one, get my arms straight and hands quite

close to the feet--but I often start dreading the pose

even before I start practice! During practice I'm

thinking "Oh sh*t I have to do 3-5 backbends!" Yes, maybe

someone made me do 4-hour backbends in a previous

life,and perhaps you were huddled in supta kurmasana for

days on end! What can I do--I try visualizing nice and

easy backbends when I can, I do focus on the breath

during them. I've been wanting to bring this up. Any

suggestions, advice, or shared experiences? help!

[Guest guest]

Backbends get to me too, though in my case that

is partly due to a history of lower back problems

from childhood. The thing I've found most helpful is

to do a few (out of sequence) prep poses first. In

addition to gently warming up the concerned anatomical

areas, this approach brings my awareness into those

regions more thoroughly before I go up. I find this

especially important. <br><br>Actually, kurmasana used to

bother me too because it felt so awkward to put that

kind of pressure on the arms (I kept waiting for my

shoulders to pop out), but I've gotten used to it and now

look forward to it.

[Guest guest]

monkeymind, thanks. I think talking about my

anxiety made it better today in my practice--as if now

it's out there and I can just accept the fact that I

get anxious before backbends. If I may get esoteric

here: perhaps backbending, where we unfold our whole

body, is like exposing our true selves to the world and

that's what I'm REALLY anxious about. Exposing my

anxiety takes me one step closer to healing the root

problem, right?<br><br>In fact, like John, I really LIKE

supta kurmasana and other asanas like it in which I am

curled up in a tight little ball, hidden, and safe, and

comfortable. More pop psychology anyone? Hint: I'm very much

like that in "real life."

[Guest guest]

namaste-<br><br>I think it might be important not

to approach asana in terms of "liking" or "not

liking."<br>Everyone has poses that are harder for them than

others.<br><br>What seems to be working for me these days is not

taking any time to think of how I feel about the

upcoming posture. Just dive right in, get the bandhas in

check, dristi, the sound of my breath.<br>So if I'm not

thinking, I'm not getting tense. <br> I heard backbends in

Jois workshops are done with only a breath in between

each one. It's strenuous, but effective.<br><br>Of

course I am very lucky to have found teachers who

believe that I can do what my "monkey mind" has deemed

impossible.

[Guest guest]

Peace on this, I agree that every asana whether I

like it or not has something to teach me. While I used

to not like certain poses, its clearly evident now

that those poses taught me about attitudes I was

holding about the world, others and myself. This deeper

level seems to me to be truth. All of it is Art.

<br>peace

[Guest guest]

Sunandmike - it's true about backbends in

general, they're physically intense but also emotionally -

you release a lot of fear during backbends and anger

too, many of us lock anger in the throat and in our

society it's not cool to expose your anger. The fear is

probably exactly what you said - totally exposing the

front of your body makes you feel very vulnerable. I

also dread backbends before I do them, even though I

love it once I'm in them. I'm quite strong but the

thought of backbends always exhausts me, and only

recently have I realised that it's the emotional strength

I feel I sometimes don't have, rather than the

physical.

[Guest guest]

Lisa, at this point I'd rather do 3-5 really

deep, strong backbends (which I do enjoy despite the

anxiety) with extra breaths between them than risk injury

or struggle unnessarily through labored breathing

and an overpumped heart. Sure it's important not to

get lazy, but there's a difference between pushing my

limits and going beyond them. I'm not in this to be

masochisitic. Little by little!

[Guest guest]

yogamummy (cute handle btw), thanks!

:)Vulnerability, that's it! For me, exact same thing you

described: strong for my size but emotionally feel weak. A

good backbend can be so thrilling and inspiring. I've

made a lot of progress with them and still--anxiety

arises! opening up, on all levels, is tough, eh?

[Guest guest]

Opening up is tough but also so rewarding - by

exposing yourself and not shying away from showing your

vulnerability you end up getting stronger. I know what you mean

about limits too-and it's exactly in those poses where

we feel vulnerable that it's hard to tell whether

the limitations are purely physical or not. It's all

about finding who we are underneath all our

conditioning. But isn't it funny how even after your brain

understands that, and you know that in the end the pose is

not all that important, we still get all frustrated

(I just can't do that @#$%^& pose!!!!) before we

chill out again and can put it in perspective. I think

that the poses that are most difficult, physically and

emotinally, are those with the biggest lessons to teach us.

[Guest guest]

I can relate so much to what you're saying.

Lately the lessons these asanas offer me are becoming

clearer on an intellectual level but I need to experience

the embodied understanding. I also have to remember

to have fun; maybe that's one of the lessons with

backbending. I never want this practice to become a chore, and

I think the days it feels like a chore are the days

I really need to chill out and stop caring so

gaddammed much.

[Guest guest]

Yeah, I think everyone can get stiff about

practice, as in - oh no! today I have to do this and this

and this, when can I possibly squash in a practice?

It's so important to let go of "have to's" and just

let it happen when it's right. A teacher said to me,

if you miss one day, don't get uptight about it. But

if you have ten minutes and the time and space is

right, take ten minutes!! For those with lots of time

and money it's easier, but for people like me with

very little of both, it's a true test of my devotion

and motivation to fit in a practice every day! But

the secret for me is letting go, of anxiety (like you

were saying), of mental and emotional stiffness, of

all the what ifs (especially prominent now that my

trip to Mysore is all planned & paid for), of

expectations we put on ourselves. I think letting go during

practice is the first step to letting go in other aspects

of your life, and finding peace.