Sri.Kalale's predicament

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srimathE lakshmi-nrsumha parabrahmaNe namaha

sri vedanta desika guravE namaha

 

Dear 'bhAgavatOttamA-s',

 

I was perusing Sri.Kalale's post last night where he has given a poignant

account of his recent encounter with His Holiness the 45th Jeeyar of the

Ahobila Mutt. Equally moving was Ms.Nagu Satyan's reactions with which all

of us I suppose can empathise with varying degrees of feeling.

 

A passage from Sri.Kalale's post struck a chord in me and I reproduce it below:

 

".....When will that time come when I will live a virtuous life devoid of

material pursuits or hankering for money and sincerely follow a true

post-prapatti life? I dont care what it takes to get me to that stage of

life. Even if it takes a second "sharanagati" for destroying the sins which

are causing this miserable state of life, please go ahead and bless me with

a second

sharanagati for clearing my sins....."

 

This passage, as reported by Sri.Kalale, is indeed a reflection of most, if

not all, of our predicament in life.(It certainly does mirror mine, I am

sure!). It is a sort of feeling which often strikes one and I think it is

what is called "nirvEdam" .... an emotion through which we tend to regret

the days that we fritter away in life without seeming to get any closer to

the Lord ...and thus begin to feel a sense of "sinking".... helplessly...

and being powerless about it ... and drifting...

 

It is then that our faith in 'prapatthi', sometimes, seems to falter and

desert us. Like Sisyphus, the Greek mythological character, we sometimes

fall victim to a sense of panic that having "pushed" our way "uphill" in

life with all the strength that we could draw from the reservoir of

spiritual strength called "prappathi", we often find ourselves "sliding

down" again the slippery path of 'samsAra'!!

 

Let me confess that I too personally get agitated by such feelings and I

don't think Sri.Kalale is alone in his predicament. (Not that it is going to

help him a wee bit more to know that we are all in the same boat with him!)

 

I remember I once posed more or less the same question of Sri.Kalale to my

'mAnaseega-guru' "Mukkur Swami II". I got an anwer which rings in my ears

even to this day and yet inspires me in those moments when I am downcast in

spirit. Let me narrate, in my own words, my "guru's" sage advice which I

trust may offer some solace to some of you just as it has unfailingly done

to me over the years. Together with our "AchAryA", Srimad Azhagiyasingar's

own advice, which Sri.Kalale has been kind enough to narrate to us all, I

think Mukkur Swamy's advice will offer us all some re-assurance that we are

after all, by the Grace of the Lord, still "inching" our way to Him :

 

"... let's assume, sudarshan" Mukkur Swami said a long time ago, "that you

have gone one auspicious morning in 'dhanur mAsam' to worship the Lord at

the Parthsarathi Swami temple in 'tiruvellikEni', Chenai."

 

"Let's also assume that being a singularly auspicious day there is a heavy

throng of crowds at the temple gates. You are disappointed. You join the

long serpentine queue as it winds its way into the sanctum-sanctorum. As you

near the deity's shrine you have a wondrous feeling of excitement.... you

near his 'sannidhi' and fill your eyes and heart with His delight ... but

then after 'theertham' and 'satAri'... it's all over...!! you are jostled by

the crowds out of the 'sannidhi' in double-quick time before you have said

"mAlE mani vannA ...(from the TiruppAvai)!"

 

"Outside the temple-gates again", Sri.Mukkur Swamy continued,"your delight

in the momentary 'darshan' of Lord Parthasarathy is already fading into the

misty ephemerality of your memory! Suddenly the Blessed Sight of the Lord

all seems like a distant apparition --- grand while it lasted, but elusive

as will-o-the-wisp on the blue slopes of a distant hill..."

 

"Dejected you sit down outside the temple gates, on a stone-step, and begin

to wonder if, after all the trouble you took to gain one little 'darshan' of

Parthasarathy, He Himself did take any notice of your petty, insignificant

self in all the din, bustle, jostle, melee of crowds of devotees ...!!"

 

"And that,dear Sudarshan, is a feeling which afflicts all of us whatever

'paramEkAntin-s' we may be! None of us can help it, indeed ..."

 

"We then begin to suspect whether our so-called 'bhakti', 'nirvedam',

'virakthi', 'vairAgyam', 'prappathi' ... and all that has any force...

whether the Lord does indeed acknowledge it at all !!"

 

"At those moments, most of us would yearn intensely for some divine 'sign',

some token acknowledgment from Parthasarathy, that Yes, He indeed has taken

notice of us and has blessed us..."

 

But then how ?", we ask ourselves."

 

"Just then, Sudarshan", Mukkur Swamy continued,"just then, Sudarshan, as you

sit desolately and dejected outside the temple-gate, a small 'gOshti' of

"vedic-scholars" enters the temple loudly reciting a 'ghanam'. Shortly soon

after, another small 'gOshti' of 'prabhandam-scholars' too enters the temple

portals loudly singing a 'pAsUram' in praise of Lord Parthasarathy !!"

 

"You listen to the Vedic and Praabhandham chant, Sudarshan, and suddenly you

find yourself drifting into an intense reverie of enjoyment. Nothing else

fills your ears -- not all the sounds of the wide world -- except the

sonorous intonations of that "vedic" 'shabdhA' or the mellifluous notes of

'prabhandic' antiphony... and you find yourself transported into a temple of

pure sacred sound ...you are not even certain of its real meaning, but it

has enraptured you by its sheer sound..."

 

Mukkur Swamy then finally said,"If that happens to anyone, Sudarshan, if one

can freeze everything in moments like that in life and just enjoy the sound

of the Vedas or Prabhandams, our great 'AchAryA-s' and holy scriptures say,

then such a soul has indeed already been acknowledged by the Lord as His

protege.... After that there is nothing else or more that the devotee needs

as voucher for the Lord's Grace... it is there ... irrefutably, irrevocably,

unambiguously.. ....Believe me, this is Truth !!".

 

Dear Sri. Krishna Kalale and other 'bhAgavatOttamA-s', I thought I might

share this all with you, just to remind you that the Lord does show signs of

his Great Care for us wherever we are ... be it in India or the US ... in

the native climes of SriRangam or the chill winters of the Great Lakes areas

of the US ... in our 'loukika' occupations in pursuit of wealth or in deep

contemplation of his 'kalyana-gunA-s' ... remember you only have to chant or

listen to a vedic hymn or an ALwar's 'pAsuram' to feel His Presence

immediately besides you !!

 

srimate srivan satagopa sri narayana yathindra mahadesikAya namaha

 

lakshmi-nrsumha priyan,

sudarshan