bheethi/paramapada-sOpAnam

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srimathE lakshmi-nrsumha parabrahmaNE namaha

sri vedanta desika guravE namaha

 

Dear 'bhAgavatOttamA-s',

 

The journey up the "stairway" of 'paramapada' as described by Swami Desikan,

we saw, has taken us so far from "vivekam" at the bottom -- (this often

reminds me of 'alipiri' at the foot of my native Tirumalai Hills!; for it is

only when one has become a 'vivEki' that one would find oneself at the foot

of the Seven Hills, isn't it ?)-- from 'vivekam' at the bottom to 'virakthi'

at Step # 3 where we presently are perched.

 

At this stage in the journey an aspirant is known to be entirely detached

from the clutches of earthly existence. He hankers not for all the delights

of this world.

 

He does not even have an appetite for 'kaivalya' -- that rare inner ecstasy

experienced by the Self that has thrown off the shackles of worldly dependence .

 

The aspirant's sights are now, instead, firmly set on Lord Narayana alone.

 

But at precisely this stage in life the SriVaishnava aspirant suddenly falls

victim to a strange fear-psychosis called "bheethi".

 

Now, dear 'bhAgavatOttamA-s', on the subject of FEAR Swami Desikan was an

expert-therapist. A hymn called "a-bheeti-stava" of his can be said to be a

most scientific, modern and graphic treatise on the psycho-pathology of

FEAR.(A highly abridged essay of mine on this subject appeared in the latest

issue of "NA nrsumha-priya"). For a full treatment of "bheethi", as a human

failing, Swami Desikan's "abheeti-stavam" is highly recommended reading for

everyone -- even non-SriVaishnavas. Also, its constant recitation

('anusandAnam' or 'pArAyaNam') by those of the Faith serves them as an

unfailing session of self-administered psycho-therapy whenever needed. (To

me, personally, it is what a daily dose of "intravenous insulin" is to a

chronic diabetic-patient !)

 

To come back to 'PPS', the 4th step Swami Desikan calls :'bheethi'.

 

In this stage the aspirant is overcome by "holy terror" (to use a phrase by

the English philosopher, William James) because while he realizes that

earthly existence is NULL he, however, finds nothing from the heavens to

fill the VOID.

 

He realizes the presence of Lord Narayana, but is beset by doubt if the

Lord, the "Abode of ALL Auspiciousness", would ever deign to accept one as

imperfect and infirm as himself.

 

He sees the vast chasm of 'samsAra', and of his own 'karma', that still lies

separating him and the Lord; and the very thought of it makes him give up

all hope of ever being able to cross it. Instead all he can feel is the

disease of temporality gripping him, like fatal gangrene, ever more firmly

and inextricably. He doubts if he will ever be able to break loose.

 

Even if he did succeed would the Lord ever consider his incorrigible self

"eligible" for redemption ?

 

What then is the value of even such measures like 'gnana', 'karma' or

'bhakti' ?

 

These and other complex feelings of 'bheethi' are sketched by Swami Desikan

in the 'abhiti-stavam' a sample of which is given below (Verse #16):

 

anUkshaNa samUthithE durita-vAridhow dUstarE

yadi kvachana nishkritirbhavathi sApi dOshAvilA I

thadItha-magathow mayi pratividhAna-mAdhIyathAm

svabUddhi-parikalpitham kimapi rangadhUrya tvaya II

 

Sri.ParAshara-bhattar, in his "ashta-shlOki" (Verse #7) is also seen to be

expressing such "fearful doubts" over the efficacy of scriptural 'upAya-s'.

 

Eventually, however, an aspirant,by the Grace of the Lord, is enabled to

leap over Step # 4 viz. the hurdle of 'bheeti', to the next "step" on the

stairway called "prasadana parva".

 

We shall discuss how in the next posting.

 

srimathE srivan satagopa sri narayana yathIdnra mahadesikaya namaha

 

sudarshan