Thiruvaaymozhi 8.2- This is my vow! I will never ever give up!

[Guest guest]

SrI:

 

Dearest Sisters and Brothers,

 

In this ten, NammAzhwAr gets into NayikA bhAvam. He declared that there

is none but Him to enable one to reach Him. But He has NOT helped the

AzhwAr to show His Thirumukham (Face). Hence, he gets into "nayaki"

bhaavam and narrates her situation to her friends.

 

1. Oh My dearest friends, (ones who wear lovely bangles!) I am ashamed

of telling my situation to our (enemy) mothers. (Enemy because they do

not support us nor are they concerned; they know only to scold us!). But

I can at least speak to you. Even then, I am Not able to tell all that I

experience. My heart has gone to ThiruvEnkatanAthan. I went to see Him

with great desire in my heart, because I have fallen in love with Him

who rides on GarudA. (He should have actually come to me; Instead, I

went to Him). Even then, since, I could NOT see Him and fulfil my

desires, I am suffering terribly. My bangles have simply fallen off (due

to my wrists getting thin). I have lost my usual complexion and

brightness. Due to my suffering and pangs of separation, my breasts have

lost their Golden colour and become pale. My body has become exhausted.

 

2. My friends! Are you all not so dear to me? (who have the right to get

from me whatever you desire!). Even to such dears like you, I am not

able to fully describe my sorrows in words. They are so big sorrows and

are really tormenting me. If I can see MY LOVER KaNNan,- and can satisfy

all my desires by seeing those Red Lotus Beautiful eyes of that Chief of

NityasUris- the Robber of my heart- I can get back my bangles and my

lost complexion and beauty. I don't know how long I am going to keep on

suffering and getting thin without fulfilling my desires?

 

3. Oh my dearest friends (ones who have beautiful foreheads)! There is

no benefit at all hereafter in my feeling shy to tell you all of my

situation. That Blue hued Lord kaNNan has stimulated my Virahathaapam

and has made me thin down with my bangles falling off and my fair

complexion getting pale. I am suffering from "pasalai" disease (pasalai-

name in tamil for the disease the lover causes by leaving his beloved

suffering from pangs of separation. The beloved gets pale, thin, body

gets tired - she simply languishes!) hence, I had to come out of my

house (and let the whole world know about it) in search of Him and to

get back whatever I lost in Him. Thus, I have become even notorious.

Now, unless I see Him ,join Him and unite Him (The One who is like The

Most Beautiful Blue Stone surrounded by limitless unbounded lustre), I

will Never ever come back. Even if the ever permanent time (kaala

tatvam) ends, I will not give up. It is impossible to get Him- you all

say. I think I have committed so many enormous sins!

 

4. ThenkuLandhai - This Divya dEsam has got great tall buildings,

ramparts, etc.. At this sthalam, Maayakkootthan (The Mischievous Dancer)

is gracefully present. That SarvEshwaran has got GarudA as His flag. He

has the Divine strong ChakrAyudham. I went there with a tremendous

desire to unite with Him. But when I went there, I lost my bangles, my

complexion, my heart etc.. Is it just that? I LOST EVEN MY FEMININE

SHYNESS. (naaNam). I am now standing ashamed - standing brazen-

shameless- in front of my friends, unable to tell even to them. Like

that due to my love for Emperumaan, after losing all my things (my

shyness, my heart- my bangles, my complexion, my name in the society,

etc..), what else to lose? What to give Him still fresh?

 

5. Even the Greatest scholars (jnAnis), try to know Emperumaan fully

trying all their ages, still they can NOT get to know Him completely.

Emperumaan (who is capable of capturing His devotees so effortlessly

with His Beauty) is the Most Brightest Shining, Primordial Chief and the

Prime Cause of everything. He has got Divya mangaLa swarUpam and is a

JyothiswarUpI. The One who has the ChakrAyudham in His right hand-

friends! Is it possible for us to reach Him with our efforts alone? Is

it also in our control and in our hands to wait for Him to come to us

and enable us join Him? NO! Hence, whatever you all talk about me, they

should not be talked! I simply can not listen to them.

 

6. In spite of whatever extent we feel or think about Emperumaan's

lustre, it is not possible to fully experience or feel His brightness

nor can we describe in our words. Even to BrahmA et al, it gives them

doubt and lack of clarity in knowing Emperumaan's Greatness and

form/lustre. Such Greatest Lord, has allured me with His awesome Beauty

and auspicious attributes (kalyANa guNAs) and I have lost my Brownish

Fair complexion (due to my suffering from "pasalai" disease). He hasn't

even given me His cool most fragrant ThuLasi maalai that He is wearing.

Such a Cruel Lord (the One who is causing me terrible sufferings) is

having His Yogha nithrA at Thirukkudanthai. Now after He deserted me

like this, who else should I call for? Where else should I go but to His

door entrance? Tell me!

 

7. Oh Mothers! Friends! I, who has been captured (trapped) by

Emperumaan's Nithya kalyANa guNAs, have been yelling again and again

with His names " ThirumaalE! HarI! Kesavaa! Sri Madhavaa! Narayanaa!

GovindhA! VaikunthA!. This Lord- The One who has made me in such

pitiable state of crazily calling Him repeatedly- has never even shown

His face- never even shown any semblance/ identification (that He will

come to take me!). He has not even shown the way to reach Him. What

shall I do, now? (Tell me!). I AM NOT GOING TO LEAVE THIS AT THIS STAGE.

THIS IS MY VOW! (I have taken a vow!) Let it take any amount of time-

ages- yugams- Whatever happens- I WILL SURELY SEE TO IT THAT I SEE HIM.

Please do NOT attempt to change my decision. (IT CAN NOT BE CHANGED! I

AM DETERMINED!) There is no connection between you and me any more. Do

not talk to me any more on this matter! (Dearest sisters and brothers,

What a lovely expression of feelings and anubhavam of AzhwAr! Where did

he see all these! He was sitting under the tree and knows all these

"beloved's" sufferings so well and have written so nicely)

 

8. Oh My dear Parrots! Cuckoos! Peacocks! Emperumaan has taken away my

fair brown (maamai) complexion, my bangles, etc.. He has also snatched

away my heart from me! Everything He has robbed! His Vaikuntham, His

ThiruppaaRkadal, His ThiruvEnkadam are all ver near. Only after getting

rid of my bondage completely (removing from the root level), then only

He will show them (heart, bangles, complexion etc) to me. Hence, there

is no connection between us any more. Nor do I desire for that any more.

(to get rid of bondage, AzhwAr has taken her mind away from her pets and

dear birds!).

 

9. Oh my dearest friends (ones who have beautiful foreheads)! Emperumaan

will never show Himself completely to scholars of any extent of jnAnam

whatever. (None can get to know Him). He appeared as a small Vaamanan.

He took a huge, Big form of Thirvikraman to house the universe under His

Feet. His lustrous shoulders expanded so huge. I lost myself to such

Greatest Devapiraan. I have lost my feminine shyness also to Him. What

else to lose further? What else to offer Him further? (Like mahAbhali, I

have also lost all my things to Trivikraman- says Parangusa nAyaki).

 

10. Oh My dearest Friends! There is nothing I can do hereafter. Even MY

HEART LOOKED AT ME AND SAID " there is no connection between you and me

any more " ad went to Emperumaan. He has both ChakrA and the Sanghu in

His Hands. When one sees Him coming with those Sanghu Chakram, it

appears as if a Big Huge Blue Mountain comes with the Sun and the Moon

on its top (on both sides). To such Lord, my heart has taken refuge at

the Lotus Feet. What else can I do further?

 

11. Thirukkurugoor sadgOpar, desired to reach the Lotus Feet of

Emperumaan and with no desires after worldly matters he composed 1000

pAsurams in praise of KaNNan (in andhaadhi style). Out of those 1000,

those who read this ten will have no sorrows- and will be blessed with

all good things here (in this world) and at Paramapadham as well.

 

NammAzhwAr ThiruvadigaLE saraNam

 

Ram Ram

 

With Best Regards

 

NarayaNa dAsan madhavakkannan

 

 

____

Get Your Private, Free Email at http://www.hotmail.com