SWAMI's ANGUISH- Posting - 4 (1.10 to 1.13)

[Guest guest]

SWAMI VEDANTA DESIKA'S

"NAICHYANUSANTHANAM" AND "SATVIKA THYAGAM "

(As gleaned from his StOtras)

 

PART I : SWAMI EXPRESSES HIS ANGUISH -

Anguish- Posting - 4 (1.10 to 1.13)

(Anbil Ramaswamy)

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IMPORTANT NOTE

[As already mentioned in the Introduction, the NaichyAnusanthAnam is

applicable to us only and NOT to Swami Desika, we have to substitute

ourselves wherever Swami Desika extrapolates these to himself]

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1.10. " I am an imposter"

 

vikala sakalAnga vishamAn dharmAn nathasathya ! dwajanibhAn dhArayan /

kAnthArapAnthaka iva skhalas charanOsmi kAthara viseeryamANah //

(Achyutha Sathakam SlOkam 74)

 

Meaning

"Oh! Natha Satya!

I have not done any yAga in its entirety. Because of this, even those

attempted failed to yield fruit. Is it not true that a yAga will be effective

only if all its 'angas' are observed fully and correctly? Some people to show

themselves off as virtuous and respectable in the eyes of others would

install a flag in their frontyard. Similarly, I pretend as if I am also doing

some karma with much fanfare and publicity even though I do them only

half-heartedly. I hold my flag aloft just to impress others. In private,

however, I feel I am an imposter and am really afraid of what will happen to

me. I am like a panic stricken wayfarer caught in the midst of a dense forest

not knowing which way to go. Take pity on me and show me the way"

 

Comment:

Swami bemoans how he has been trying to do some karmas and finds himself

unable to complete but still poses as if he has done what ought to be done

without actually performing any fully. And, he feels this gives a wrong

impression to his followers. He is feeling guilty of playing deception on

them. How true of most of us who do much the same!

 

1.11. " I am a pretender"

 

sthira dharma varma sthagitham adharma pravaNAnAm agra skandha pravrittam /

aghaTamAna viprateesAram achyutha mAm hasasi noonam lakshmeesamaksham //

(Achyutha Sathakam SlOkam 75)

 

Meaning

" I pretend to be true follower of Dharma. Like wearing an armor to conceal

the body, I am showing off outwardly as if I am doing some Dharamic acts.

This is only to conceal my real self. In reality, I stand foremost among

sinners (Adharmikas). I do not even have any qualms of conscience in doing

so. If I had at least a modicum of regret that would cancel a quarter of my

sins. I refuse to feel remorse or contrition (nirvEdam). When Periya PirAtti

comes to you recommending my case, you explain to her this fact and laugh at

her attempt. But, I am sure that ultimately, however, you will not go against

her wishes."

 

Comment:

Swami continues in the same mood of depression

 

1.12. "I am a log of wood"

 

rAtrimdivasam Achyuta !trutithapathanyAyur druma khandanAni /

drishtvApidripta manasambAlam idhAneem api bharaswa mAm apramathaha //

(Achyuta Sathakam SlOkam 78)

 

Meaning

Life is like a tree that is constantly cut asunder into logs of wood by the

axe of time that manifests itself as day and night. None is eternal; living

creatures face death on a daily basis. I am witnessing this with my own eyes.

Yet, vainly imagine that my life, however, is going to be permanent and feel

terribly conceited. With an unbending mind, I strut about petulantly. What a

foolishness on my part! Only you have to rid me of this foolishness and

protect me with your care and compassion.

 

Comment:

In Yaksha Prasna in MahabhArata, when Yaksha asked Dharmaputra as to what in

the world is so surprising, Dharmaputra answered that when we see people

dying every moment it is so strange that people somehow think that only they

are going to live forever and that is the most surprising thing. Swami

reflects the same sentiments here.

 

1.13. " I am a drop of water hanging precariously at the tip of a roof"

 

niswAsa sankhaneeyE dEhE paTalAntha salila bindhu sadrusEkshE /

jAnAsi natha Satya! tvam mAm jaratkaraNEpi dheergha yowana trishnNam //

(Achyuta Sathakam SlOkam 79)

 

Meaning

"Oh! Adiyavarkku meyyanE!

See how precarious is this life in the world. We do not know whether one

would breathe the very next moment. The drop of water hanging from the edge

of the roof tip of a house may fall down at any moment. This body of ours is

also as prone to fall and certainly fall it will any moment. Old age saps all

faculties and leaves one totally debilitated. Yet, I yearn to live the life

of youth. Due to my ignorance, I am always running after the evanescent

worldly pleasures and you know it full well because you are my indweller

(AntharyAmi). For folks like me, there can be no refuge except your feet.

 

Comment:

Swami Desika perhaps alludes to the story of YayAti who traded in his old age

in exchange for the youth of his son.

 

(To Continue)

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