a confession (of sorts)

[Guest guest]

Thank you you all for your helpful comments...

>

> We need a mirror to see our body image and a Guru to see

>the spiritual image.

>

 

I've often wondered about the mirror analogy. Sadananda referenced it and

here it is again but in a slightly different context. About a year ago, I

met someone considered (by some) to be "the real thing" and it put an end to

"seeking" . I still muse over things but in retrospect it appears the sense

of inner striving has stopped. If I want, I can let go of whatever is in

mind and merge with the joy of that initial meeting which is always present

in the background of experience. It always was present and I had

experienced it in some measure many, many times before, but meeting this

person seemed to have removed doubts about it.

 

Today I wonder why I bother with anything else. To confess, I have also

been indulging in the idea of sex quit a bit during the last year, but sex

and money can only be "tempests in a teapot" in so far as they amount to

nothing much in the end and I know it in the beginning.

 

Could it be I don't *want* the game to end quite yet, so I cook up

philosophical hairs to split and paint the objects of my desire with an

attractiveness they don't really possess? I'm beginning to feel if I

didn't peddle this bicycle anymore it would all just stop by itself - no

need for me to fit the pieces of the puzzle together because they would all

settle down of their own accord. Nothing else is required of me but to

agree it seems, and still I choose to dabble in this and that "as if" I

cared and/or they might be worth caring about. Even then, I always feel

like I'm just "playing along" because in the background there is

unassailable joy irrespective of this and that.

 

I don't know if this is a good position or a bad position to be in. I think

there might be some danger of "falling from yoga" or however the

BhagavadGita puts it, but there is freedom in "no longer caring" at the same

time.

 

I don't know what I *should* do or think about it anymore or if it even

matters at all what I do or think. Whatever the truth may be, I like to

imagine my experience of God is God and even my experience of forgetting God

is God too -- that the entire path to God is God and there are no

mis-steps on the way for anyone.

 

Tears are welling up again and laughter, ( ... the only thing strange

about it is it doesn't seem the least strange to neither know if one is

merely mad or truly free and to be completely unconcerned either way ... )

 

 

Namaste my fellow travellers,

 

--

<ac