Self Consciousness

[Guest guest]

I've been meaning to write this for some time now, but didn't quite

find the time to do it. Anyway here I'm.

 

Some weeks back while I was having lunch with my ex-project manager,

who's a Tai Chi instructor, we slowly drifted into spiritual talk. When

I was trying to explain the fundamentals of Advaitam to him, something

which came out of my own mouth, suddenly cleared up quite a bit of

confusion I had. The point I made to him was that whatever we're trying

to do must be natural for us. For if it's not natural whatever state we

evolve into, it won't last.

 

Much of what I'm explaining below might have already been understood by

some members and my mail might be a needless repetition. But anyway I

write for the benefit of those who too might be in the same boat as I'm.

 

Shankara in Vivekachoodamani states that moksha can be attained only by

divine contemplation. So what's this divine contemplation?

 

The fundamental goal of Advaitam and even most of the astika schools

(probably with the exception of Purva Mimaamsaa), is to "know the Self".

Plus we have Ramana Maharishi urging us on the quest for "Who am I?".

It's said that in reality we're the reality and it's only due to avidya

or ignorance that we don't realize this.

 

Some time back I'd written a couple of posts on analyzing the "I". In

those posts I'd tried to analyze the "I" and also stressed that the "I"

cannot be defined as consciousness and is beyond description. I'd even

found support for my views from the Shruti and Shankara!

 

As Shankara opens up his Bhashyam on the Vedanta Sutra, the senses may

fail us, our intellect may be wrong, but the only thing that we cannot

deny is that WE EXIST. This "I" is nothing by the common place "I", when

we are in a normal state, experiencing neither pain nor pleasure. So

it's only from this base, our individual existence, that anything

concrete can be built upon.

 

But if WE are actually the Atman how come, we don't realize it. The

shruti says that the Atman is impervious to pleasure or pain. Then how

come we enjoy and suffer?

 

I'd sat in meditation in the way prescribed by Ramana, trying to be only

conscious of myself alone and nothing else. But eventually streams of

thoughts will hijack this self-consciousness. One thing to be noted is

that while we're holding on to the "I", there's individual consciousness

ie we're conscious of ourselves. When our thoughts turn to something

else, the individuality is lost in the object of our attention. But when

I'd become aware of having lost my individuality I'd returned to my self

conscious mode.

 

With some practice, we become more conscious of ourselves. Sometimes

while experiencing pain or pleasure, I'd suddenly questioned as to who's

undergoing this experience. I'd found that like a toggle switch I can

switch between my self-conscious state and the state of experience. One

thing to be noted is that while I'm in this self conscious state, I'm

unaffected by the pleasure or pain. When I switch back to the emotional

experience, the pain or pleasure exists. So when I'm actually

unaffected, so who's experiencing the pleasurable or painful experience?

I sincerely have no idea and am not prepared to blindly accept theories!

I'll have to discover it by myself.

 

The point I'm trying to make is that we should not be carried away by

conceptions of the Soul being the Eternal, Absolute etc That may be in

the state of Paramartha, but definitely in our state of Vyavahara, it's

but the normal common place "I".

 

While meditating, having preconceptions of the self not being the mind,

intellect etc I'd tried all sorts of mental games, which has just led me

on a wild goose chase! Plus since I'd the preconception that the Self is

eternal, absolute and nirguna, I'd forcefully tried to mould myself into

such states.

 

I'd even argued with Sadananda that we only infer our consciousness in

the state of deep sleep. No, we intuitively know it. When I awaken after

a good sleep, there's this teeny weeny consciousness in me, cool, clear

and calm which first arises, which is sure about the calmness enjoyed

during deep sleep, but which is almost immediately overpowered by our

natural consciousness. If we keep watching for it, everytime we awaken,

I suppose somewhere down the road, you'll become aware of it or probably

just be it!

 

Advaitam states that you're Brahman. The "you" is only the normal you.

By nature our consciousness or plainly attention is concentrated on the

objective world. To know the self, what needs to be done is to turn your

attention on yourself.

 

Ofcourse it's not that easy. The mind will rage with it's thoughts.

Again the mind should be clearly understood. BY MIND I MEAN ONLY THE

CHITTAM, IN IT'S VARIOUS FORMS : THOUGHTS OF DESIRE, THOUGHTS OF EGO AND

THOUGHTS OF REASON. THE CHITTAM DOES NOT INCLUDE PERCEPTION. WE'RE THE

PERCEIVER OR THE KNOWER. TO KNOW THE KNOWER IS THE GAME. AND THE WAY IS

INTUITION, WHICH THE UPANISHADS INSIST.

 

The senses when in normal use will on contact with the outer world

generate continuous streams of thoughts. So you've to sit down, close

your eyes and concentrate on knowing yourself. Ofcourse, as Yagnavalkya

states in the Brihadaranyaka Upanishad : How can the knower by known?

 

Maybe not, but you can just be - and it's being only Self-Conscious.

Knowledge, eternity and absolute have to come naturally to us and should

not be sought.