namO gaNEbhyO gaNapatibhyascavO namaH

November 23, 1999

(This is rather a big one, but I did not want to cut it.)

My fellow students in the ashram playfully used to ask me, "Madhava! what

would you like to become?"

I always said "Moksha is not something that I am deserved, there is a joy to

work for Lord Shiva, If I were given a chance I would always wish to be in

his Pramatha Ganas (Lord Siva's devoted army)"...

Some times my mind reaches the ecstasy in thinking of Lord Shiva. He is the

best example of everything you name. In my early childhood, I used to fight

with my other friends, who are devotees of Lord Vishnu :-). I used to tell

them that Lord Vishnu always puts his devotees in troubles and test them,

where as look at Lord Shiva, you just ask him and he gives it to you. It is

just like "Ask... it shall be given, knock it shall be open"... Lord Vishnu

allowed Prahlada to be tortured, where as Lord Shiva kicked The mighty Lord

Yama the moment Yama laid his hands on that little boy Markandeya. That is

the power of Shiva, the most compassionate. Any way, later years I came to

know that it is all nothing but a divine leela. The best known Jnani as

well as Yogi "jnAninAmagragaNyaM, aStasiddhi navanidhikEdAtA" to the world

Lord Hanuma is nothing but an AmSa of Lord Shiva. Hanuma has set the best

example of devotion, he is devoted to Lord Rama, who is an incarnation of

Lord Vishnu! Every thing is nothing but a leela...

There were times in my life that I thought of renouncing the world and

becoming a sanyasi. My mother always worried at that, I am the only son to

my parents. My mother worriedly used to ask my teacher H.H.

Saradapriyananda, whether I am going to become a sanyasi. My teacher used

to smile and keep quite, never answering that question.

During the final days before I left Hyderabad on a new job, I was writing

commentary on the rik "namO gaNEbhyO gaNapatibhyascavO namaH". It means "I

bow to the those rudras who personified as Lord Shiva's devoted army, and to

him who personified as the leader Ganapati of that army". Ganapati is the

protector of the devotees, he plays a big brother role in the lives of Lord

Shiva's devotees. You believe in him, he shall never let you down. Trust

me in these words. I shall tell you how he played a role in my life too...

There is a "Sringeri Sarada Mutt Temple" in Nallakunta, Hyderabad. Most of

the evening times, before I return to my usual Hanuman temple, I used to go

to Nallakunta and sit in front of the Idol for a few minutes. The pujaris of

that temple had been my friends. Every Friday, they perform pallakiseva for

Goddess Lalita. I used to participate in that pallakiseva (palanquin

procession). One Friday as a part of the ritual I lifted one of the

palanquin's handles on to my shoulder. A plumb brahmin approached and he

lifted the other handle of the palanquin. The remaining two handles are

taken by other temple devotees. The procession has started. We were moving

in a slow pace chanting the Lalita Sahasranama and trishati. He was quite

but his face was really charming, his forehead is glowing with vibhuti. He

smeared his body completely with vibhuti (sacred ash). I really felt a

brotherly feeling towards him. We are not supposed to talk while bearing

the palanquin, hence I kept quite. After the procession is over, I went

searching for him, but I could not find him. I couldn't see him the next

Friday but I saw him the later Friday. This time after the procession he

himself approached me, I touched his feet (touching the feet of elders, and

the people who you respect, is some thing which is taught in Hindu culture).

He blessed me and said "Mother wants to see you, shall we go". I am

surprised and asked him "but we never talked before, though I saw you once

in the procession". He smiled and questioned "Is taking necessary?". I

kept quite.

"Mother would like to see you?" he said again.

"Where is she?" I asked

He took my hand and said "come with me", I went.

He took me near to the temple entrance where there is a big crowd (it is

usual that it is fully crowded). I saw an elderly lady stood next to the

coconut vendor. He took me straight to her and told "Mother, here is

Madhava, I brought him to you". She nodded her head and looked at me. Her

eyes were so compassionate, I can never forget... She asked me "Madhava! why

are you troubling yourself? Why are you undergoing all this pain?", my

heart felt and my body started shivering, it is true that I was under

tremendous mental strain. I thought of crying, I wanted to cry like a baby,

I wanted to kneel down and cry for some thing which I am not aware of.. And

I started crying.

The troubles that I were undergoing were really personal and my teacher is

the only one who is aware it. Except to my teacher, I never opened my heart

anyone. Really, those days, I was at the brink of collapse. I couldn't

decide what to do, whether to become a monk and live life as a hermit or to

accept the life as it is and move to an unknown place called Bombay. And

here, this mother is asking me why am I troubling myself!

I replied "amma, anyway you knew that I am in pain, show me a way out!".

She looked at her Son and looked at me again. "Madhava! you move to your

new place, my Son Ganapati will help you. Think of him as your big brother,

he shall help you anytime you want. The time is not suitable for you to

take any decision. You keep doing your karma as long as it is needed".

I have innocently questioned that Ganapati "Do you live in Bombay?"... He

smiled and replied "Oh! I live everywhere, of course I have a home there as

well!, there is a Siddhi Vinayak temple there. Look for me there." He said

and they walked away....

I never asked on how she and her Son knew me. I felt as if we are related

so much, the question of asking their where abouts never really struck me.

But, I thought of her as a saint, with my experiences with saints I believed

in her words and thought of her as saint. And I thought of her Son as a

brahmin veda pundit, it is usual for vedapundits to visit various temples in

India on duties.

I moved to Bombay on a new employment. My employer did not give me housing

in the first one year. I am not aware that Bombay is such a congested place

for ordinary employers to live! The house rent is so high that I could not

afford individual accommodation. Hence, I started staying as a paying guest

near Andheri. My daily life has got disturbed, my sadhana got disturbed...

For three months it was really a testing time. My work schedule was very

tight because I have accepted a turn-key position in the company. I wanted

to take help from somebody, but I am a shy person. Meanwhile, I tried to

visit Siddhi Vinayak temple, I never knew that it will be such crowded!

There is something like 2KM queue for the temple... It takes an hour to

reach from Andheri to Dadar by city bus. By the time I reach there, I get

disappointed to see the queue. I can't afford staying in the queue, hence I

used to move away to the office.

It happened like this for two months. Also, my neighborhood was quite

noisy. My sleep time has come down to 3 hours per day. I thought, if I give

up my regular rituals now, that means I am giving up for the sake of a

materialistic world.

I gave an advertisement in the paper, saying that I am looking for a

peaceful accommodation. Somebody called me on phone and told me that there

is a nice accommodation and gave me the details. It seems the house was at

Chembur. I went in search of that house. My whole day was ruined after I

came to know that no such address exists! Actually, somebody played a

practical joke on me after reading my newspaper advertisement. It was just

a phone call for them, but it did cost a day for me. I went home in the

night completely drained out, could not sleep, I opened BhagawadGita and I

saw the sloka "mAM anusmara udhyaca"... means "think of me and fight". How

could I? With out knowing, my eyes started shedding tears. I remembered

the mother who asked me "Madhava! why are you troubling yourself like this?"

I thought of her Son ganapati who is supposed to help me. "Where is he?"

was the question. Then I heard the sound. Somebody was knocking the door.

I went and saw from the peephole and I could not believe my eyes it was

"Ganapati".

I hurriedly opened my room door and asked him to come in. He came in and I

touched his feet. He blessed me. I did not have any chair in my room,

hence I offered a mattress to him. He sat there and I sat opposite to him.

I asked him "How do you know my room?"

"Mother told me to take care of you, by the time I thought of you two months

passed away, that is why I hurriedly came to look for you."

"Yes! I am really feeling very sad, I don't know what to do. People are

making fun of me." I was almost complaining on everything in the world. He

kept listening and smiling. Finally he spoke

"Madhava! if you want to test the gold, put it in the fire. Mother told me

that you are gold, but I am the one who put you in fire". Now, I know who

he is. I couldn't believe my eyes that he personified in front of me and

taking to me.

He said "Mother told me that you are confused between saMsara and sanyaasa.

Let me advise you that there is no difference... The great sanyasis, known

to the world are bigger saMsAris than you could ever imagine. You will take

care of just your own household, where as they have to take care of

thousands of people who live in their ashram, who work in the ashram. The

world itself is a big samsaara, where could you go after leaving it?".

I kept quite I was listening to him. Then he said "don't worry, I shall take

care of your problems". He left after taking the milk that I heated up and

gave to him early in the morning.

Next day in the office, I have received a call from Mrs. Nainaben Shah. I

call her as "Naina amma".

Dr. Shah's family is very pious and devoted, they are active in Chinmaya

Mission and Mrs. Nainaben Shah took care of me later days just like my

mother. They knew that I am searching for a peaceful accommodation. She

questioned me on phone "rE mAdhav, kaisEhOtum.!" I said "I am fine". Then

she said "I have found a right accommodation for you now, it is right next

to Siddhi Vinayak temple. Mrs. Gheewala is staying alone there. I told her

about you and she is willing to offer you accommodation. In the evening

Nainaamma took me to that house, it was a huge flat facing the sea. I

stayed there for the next year till my company offered me accommodation.

After moving to the flat, Siddhi Vinayak temple has become so close to me

that it is hardly five minutes walk from the flat where I was staying.

Again I have become a regular visitor to the temple, it was undergoing

renovations, I used to go there in the night 11PM and stay there for an hour

and come back. You hardly find anybody at that time. I also used to meet

Ganapati and talk to him most of the days. My sadhana again was back on

track after some disturbances.

Mrs. Gheewala left to USA to be with her children and I found a new

accommodation in Dadar. Mrs. Gheewala presented me a Ganesha Idol which is

still with me. And Ganapati told me to expect a miracle.

The miracle happened in the form of my teacher. Swamini Saradapriyananda

gave a call and told me that she is visiting Bombay. My heart felt joyful.

I begged her to visit my home. She told me that she could come for a few

minutes. She came to my house along with a Canadian devotee named Daniel

Adidas (I don't know where he is now). She was sitting in the hall and I

offered her milk. She was drinking milk and I heard a sound in my

pujamandir. I used to have a yagnakunda in home. I went to see in the puja

mandir. There the ganesha idol, presented by Mrs. Gheewala is fully covered

by the sacred ash. My teacher questioned me on since when this is

happening. I said, this is the first time that I could see... She said

"Good". But, Daniel who is standing next to her could not believe this.

He asked me "Are you sure, you did not do this?". I smiled and kept quite.

How could anybody pacify a rational mind? My teacher did not probe much. I

removed the ash and kept the idol clean again. I locked my door and left

with my teacher to her guest house. I stayed with my teacher till the

afternoon. In the afternoon, Daniel came to me and asked me "Madhava! I

would like to visit your home again. May be, the idol is covered with ash

again...". I refused saying that it never happened and I don't think it

will happen again. My mind kept reminding me about the miracle that

Ganapati was talking about. I wanted to tell my teacher, but she was

surrounded by devotees. Then Daniel went and asked my teacher "Amma, I

would like to visit Madhava's place again. I never saw any such thing

before and I am curious". My teacher told him that these things are

possible en route sadhana. He kept on requesting her and finally she told

"Madhava! take him to your home again, he can't just control his

enthusiasm". I took him home. I opened the lock and went straight to the

pujaroom. There the idol is again covered with the sacred ash. Daniel

started crying in looking at that. Because, he knew that I locked the door.

He tried to put a US $100 bill in front of the idol. I became very unhappy.

I told him not to offer any money. I could never understand why people

think that penance is a commodity which is available in business market. How

could anybody think that they can buy punya by spending some money... Daniel

understood my feelings, he hugged me and said goodbye. After that he used

to call me from Canada for some time, then I lost touch with him.

As per my teacher's instructions, I prayed the Almighty to stop showing

these kind of miracles, as they could become attractive. I have already

seen how a person like Daniel, opened his purse with out asking and put

money in front of the idol. If I wanted to make money, I could earn with my

own sweat and toil. I don't need somebody to offer me money for my

livelihood. I believe that you do sadhana for your liberation, you can't

sell your sadhana for money, for --- the moment you do any such, the money

has taken higher position than the sadhana in your mind. Such kind of

sadhana results in birth and death again and again.

Ganesh's idol never again immersed in ash except one more time, that was the

time my teacher visited my home in my home town Guntur. She was sitting

there and again the idol was immersed with ash. My parents are very happy

to see that. But my teacher has questioned me "Madhava! didn't you ask him

to stop this...." I thought he is mischievous :-)

Hari Om! tat sat!

November 23, 1999

Dear Madhav Ji,

Pranam: Thank you for sharing your stories. Very heart touching to me &

personnally resolved some doubts that was bothering me.

Jai Ma.

Your's

Raju Chhatry.

<< "Madhava K. Turumella" <madhava