Buddhist Viruses are Lurking on the Web

[Guest guest]

BEWARE -

Buddhist Viruses are Lurking on the Web

http://www.zip.com.au/~lyallg/virus.htm

Professor Richard P.Hayes of McGill University in Canada has compiled a list of

known viruses inhabiting Buddhist's computers. These viruses have been around

for thousands of years and they even defy the skills of McAffey.

 

THERAVADA TERROR (often packaged in a seemingly innocuous file known as

BHIKKHU.BUG): operates by giving ordination to your computer's CPU. While

relatively harmless during the morning hours, this virus has the effect of

making your computer refuse to intake or process any hard data after noon.

(Female scholars need not be concerned about this virus, since female CPUs are

not entitled to receive full ordination.)

 

MADHYAMAKA MONSTER: systematically replaces all data on the hard drive by a bit

having a value of not 1, not 0, not both 1 and 0 and not neither 1 nor 0. The

screen goes entirely blank, and whenever the operator taps a key, an information

box pops up saying "There are no statements in this information box."

 

VIJNANAVADA VEXATION: is the only known computer virus that has no effect

whatsoever on your software. It does, however, make all the hardware and

peripheral devices disappear, and convinces the software that there is no real

distinction between a computer program and the data it processes. One extreme

version of this viral scourge (also known as SOFTWARE ONLY) has the effect of

making your software believe that it is the only software in the universe.

 

VAJRAYANA VIRUS: attacks the computer's BIOS, causing the screen to emit a

radiant clear light that beams directly into the operator's heart. The computer

itself sustains no damage, but the operator's mind is transformed into mush with

the inane message "The passions themselves are enlightenment. Misinformation

itself is data." The operator then is overwhelmed with a compulsive urge to

upload billions of gigabytes worth of graphics displays of incomprehensible

mandalas onto Web sites around the world, for the benefit of all sentient

machines.

 

INDRAJALA INFECTION: which causes all sentient beings to be networked, all

information to be replicated, and whenever any sentient being is removed from

the network neither it nor its previous context can be said to exist. (Also

known as the 'ten coins terror'). Rumour has it this was the by-product of a

marketing slogan coined by a lama doing contract work for Sun Microsystems, "the

network is the operator". Once this virus has infected any machine, everything

is instantly affected, and it is no longer posible to conceive of the universe

in the absence of the virus.

 

--

 

 

Killerbutterfly

www.killerbutterfly.com

[Guest guest]

This was truly inspired - and hilarious!!