my life (7)

[Guest guest]

[Continuing after long silence. People asked me to share something about my

experience with my teacher]

 

I met my teacher Swamini Amma, (Swamini Saradapriyananda), for the second

time in my life, just after completing my graduation in the year 1987. She

was giving talks on Bhagawad Gita at Chilakaluripet. After the completion of

the talk, I went and spoke to her. That was the final day of talks and she

was about going to the Kotappakonda ashram. She invited me to come to the

ashram so that she could talk to me at leisure. She also told me that there

is a youth camp scheduled. The next day I went along with my sister

Madhavi. We stayed in the ashram for three days. After that the state

co-coordinator of Chinmaya Yuvakendra (CHYK) wanted me to start a local

chapter at Chilakaluripet. My father, who was a government servant, was

working at that place at that time. Usually there should be a Chinmaya

Mission center in order to start a Yuvakendra. How ever, we started a

Yuvakendra (youth wing) where there was no Mission. Later on the Mission

has started there. Swamy Chinmayanandaji --- after coming to know that I

started a Youth wing there is no Mission, was all praises. When he came

to Guntur for his spiritual talks, he called me on to the dais and

congratulated me. He told the audience that Youth are going to lead the

nation. They shall become the flag bearers even to the so-called elders.

 

Swamini Amma envisioned a project called "Dharma Veer". The project is

aimed at Youth, who are at the threshold of entering a professional life.

Bhagawad Gita, some upanishads, excerpts from Bharata and Bhagawata and

vedic chanting are taught as a part of the course. "Harnessing the youth

potential through dynamic spirituality" is the motto of CHYK.

Since I am the Secretary to the nearest chinmaya youth center, the

responsibility of making youth aware of this course, was given to me. I

tried my level best to go to various colleges around and advertise about the

course.

 

Finally the day is fast approaching for the course commencement. I have

become too much attached to Swamini Amma. My mind kept thinking about her,

my ears are longing to hear her talk. I came to know that Amma has just

arrived to the ashram at Kottappakonda, which is 13 KM near by to the place

where I was staying... I had a motorcycle. I was scheduled to go and

advertise about the course in a college that day. But my mind was so much

engaged in the thought of seeing Amma, that I decided to go to Kottappakonda

and visit amma just for an hour and come back. Since the time doesn't

permit me to do all these things, I decided to take a shortcut of 6KM path

through fields. I was going on a full speed and accidentally hit a

bullock-cart

in the fields. My motorcycle fell aside and my shoulder arm was very badly

hurt. I shoulder wound started bleeding. I didn't care. I have a schedule

to go... So I went straight to ashram. Amma was surveying the area along

with other Ashram administrative staff, they were explaining her the plan

for the new fence. I went straight to amma and prostrated... The first

thing amma noticed was that I am almost drenching in blood. She put a

worried face and asked what happened. I explained her that I am in a hurry

to visit her. She started scolding me. "You are confused..., you are out

of your mind..." and some such things. She asked the Ashram secretary to

immediately do some nursing to my wounds.

 

I went inside the ashram I felt like crying, and I started crying. I got

angry on her... because I expected that she will pat my back for my

gurubhakti. I thought I am single mindedly trying to reach my guru. In

stead, she shouted at me. I was really upset. I was still crying.

Finally, she came in to the Kutia. Looked at me, smiled and said "Try to

understand yourself. Why did you commit such an act!" I started thinking

it over again. Actually, during this course I lost my appointment with the

college. Having a committed duty, I let my mind wander for my guru. I did

not feel that visiting the college also is a kind of expressing gurubhakti!

But now I realized that I made a mistake and I deserved the scolding.

 

I stayed in the ashram till the lunch time. Amma called for me. I went and

stood in front of her. She asked me "have you been advertising for the

Dharma Veer course?"

 

I said "Yes".

 

"I haven't received any applications..." she said, I kept quite.

 

Then Amma advised me "Don't be a confused person. Try to understand

yourself and guard your actions."

 

I asked her "Amma, I find it very difficult to understand myself... It is

true that I am confused... but there should be a way out of it?"

 

"Yes! there is... understand Bhagawad Gita, you will understand yourself"...

 

She started writing a letter and I prostrated again and came out of the

kutia. Ashram Secretary Kamalammagaru, seeing that I am leaving, came to me

and asked "Madhava! how is the advertisement going... We haven't received

any applications for the course". I said "I am doing my level best" and

left the ashram.

 

While driving back on the way, I started thinking about the course. "If

amma didn't receive any applications then I am morally responsible for it.

May be something wrong in my efforts! Why is that nobody is interested in

joining the Bhagwadgita/upanishads course?"

 

Exactly while thinking this point my bike's engine stopped. I parked it on

the roadside and I was trying to start the bike again.

 

A elderly man approached me and asked me, "is there any trouble in

starting?" I said "yes"! Since I was too busy with my

bike I didn't see where he came from...

 

He smiled and said "Don't worry... it starts... You know! Life is also like

that --- some places it looks like it stopped, but then with your own

efforts you can start it again. By telling people what they should do, you

can not mobilize... Try to do it yourself.. Try do it yourself..." He

uttered these words while I was busy in trying to start my bike. By the

time I absorbed the actual content of this message, I felt stunned. I know

that this is not an ordinary man, but he vanished... I went searching for

him, but he is nowhere to be found. I felt sad for not properly getting to

know that stranger. Anyway, I came back to my bike and tried to start it and

it started with in a single kick, as if there was nothing wrong!

 

Now, I know and I decided, "IF NOBODY joins the course of Dharma Veer, I

shall join..." I went home and packed my bag. My mother asked me about

where am I going. I told her that I am going to Ashram. She asked me when

am I going to return. I replied that I will not return for an year or so...

She is surprised. But advised me to wait till my father's arrival. I

agreed and waited for my father to return home from office. He came home

and I told him that I want to go to the ashram. He immediately agreed

saying: "That is a brilliant idea..." Then he came to drop me at the

ashram. Amma was very pleased to know that I am there to join the course.

 

The first day, I am the only student for the course. Swamini Bodhananda amma

questioned amma on this "amma, with only one student, how will you start the

course?". For that amma replied, "Swamy Tapovan Maharaj advised our Gurudev

(Chinmayanda) to start the lecture if he can find 3 people. I am going to

start this course with one student. Quantity is not important, quality is

important."

 

The course started... I started learning Bhagawad Gita and Upanishads from

Amma. She is very patient in answering the questions. The course used to

be very interactive.

 

[to be cont...]