Guest guest Posted February 21, 2001 Report Share Posted February 21, 2001 with a couple of words,places changed ,to satisfy the meter requirements.. sorry for the repeat post. #Sivabhaavana# -------------- # vasaMta tilaka daevaadi daeva ! jagadeeSvara ! divyamoortae! goevaaDa graama Sivakoevela saMsthitaaMghrae ! SreevaaNi putri prabha saevita cidvilaasae ! aavaahayaami bhavadarcana saevanaardhaM ! madana kailaasavaasa ! karuNaakara! kaalakaMThae ! baalaeMdumouLi ! paramaeSvara ! phaalanaetrae ! SailaeMdra kanya hRdayaeSvara ! caarumoortae ! trailoekya poojita ! paraatpara ! paahi SaMbhoe ! vasaMta tilaka yoegeeMdra maanasa payoeruha bhaanubimbae ! vaageeSa vishNu suravamdita paadapeeThae ! vaageeSa ! Sooli ! SaSi bhaaskara paavakaakshae ! naagaeMdrahaara ! bhavanaaSaka ! paahi Sambhoe ! paMca caamaramu sadaaSivam svayambhuvam vRshaaDhirooDha mavyayam cidambaram digambaram vicitra citra bhooshaNam mudaakaram kRpaakaram vibhoe viSuddhamaatmanam sadaatanam puraatanam bhajaami daeva Samkaram !# #suprabha # 2-19-2001 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted February 22, 2001 Report Share Posted February 22, 2001 Suprabha gaaru - thanks for posting these beautiful poetry. Can you explain the slokas too for the benefit of everybody. Since these are not common meters can you educate us gaNa requirements for these. Where is the goevaaDa graama Shiva temple? Also curious about vaaNi putri. yogiindra maanasa payoeruha bhaanubimbe - puzzled about maanasa payoeruham. Hari Om! Sadananda > >#Sivabhaavana# >-------------- ># >vasaMta tilaka > >daevaadi daeva ! jagadeeSvara ! divyamoortae! >goevaaDa graama Sivakoevela saMsthitaaMghrae ! >SreevaaNi putri prabha saevita cidvilaasae ! >aavaahayaami bhavadarcana saevanaardhaM ! > >madana > >kailaasavaasa ! karuNaakara! kaalakaMThae ! >baalaeMdumouLi ! paramaeSvara ! phaalanaetrae ! >SailaeMdra kanya hRdayaeSvara ! caarumoortae ! >trailoekya vaMdita ! paraatpara ! paahi SaMbhoe ! > >vasaMta tilaka > >yoegeeMdra maanasa payoeruha bhaanubimbae ! >vaageeSa vishNu surapoojita paadapeeThae ! >vaageeSa ! Sooli ! SaSi bhaaskara paavakaakshae ! >naagaeMdrahaara ! bhavanaaSaka ! paahi Sambhoe ! > >paMca caamaramu > >sadaaSivam svayambhuvam vRshaaDhirooDha mavyayam >cidambaram digambaram vicitra citra bhooshaNam >mudaakaram kRpaakaram vibhoe viSuddhamaatmanam >sadaatanam puraatanam bhajaami daeva Samkaram !# > > > #suprabha # > 2-19-2001 > > >namastae ! > > These are a few poems I composed out of my >interest in metrical poetry picking carefully a few >words here and there from my memory bank.I am sure >there are quite a few mistakes in them. The friend who >could help happens to be out of town. Since I wanted >to send them on this Sivaraatri day I am sending them >as they are. Please forgive me for the mistakes and >feel free to correct them. > > I have neither scriptural knowledge nor spiritual >insight and experiences which I can share with the >learned members of this list. That was the reason I >have been silently watching,listening and learning >whatever I could follow. I feel extremely fortunate to >be able to listen to all of you here and my sincere >thanks to all of you for the same. > >Since Sree sadaanamda gaaru said in a recent post that >I haven't been posting much :-) I thought atleast >today I would share whatever I can (inspite of the >innumerable mistakes it might have )atleast with >telugu speaking members. > > Sorry I couldn't post something which everyone can >understand. > > with best regards to all , > > suprabha . > >* >My transliteration is according to our telugu RTS . > > Suprabha gaaru - they are beatiful. Just to educate us litle bit - -- K. Sadananda Code 6323 Naval Research Laboratory Washington D.C. 20375 Voice (202)767-2117 Fax:(202)767-2623 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted February 22, 2001 Report Share Posted February 22, 2001 On Wed, 21 Feb 2001, suprabha u wrote: > > #Sivabhaavana# > -------------- > # > vasaMta tilaka > > daevaadi daeva ! jagadeeSvara ! divyamoortae! > goevaaDa graama Sivakoevela saMsthitaaMghrae ! > SreevaaNi putri prabha saevita cidvilaasae ! > aavaahayaami bhavadarcana saevanaardhaM ! > > madana > > kailaasavaasa ! karuNaakara! kaalakaMThae ! > baalaeMdumouLi ! paramaeSvara ! phaalanaetrae ! > SailaeMdra kanya hRdayaeSvara ! caarumoortae ! > trailoekya vaMdita ! paraatpara ! paahi SaMbhoe ! > > vasaMta tilaka > > yoegeeMdra maanasa payoeruha bhaanubimbae ! > vaageeSa vishNu surapoojita paadapeeThae ! > vaageeSa ! Sooli ! SaSi bhaaskara paavakaakshae ! > naagaeMdrahaara ! bhavanaaSaka ! paahi Sambhoe ! > > paMca caamaramu > > sadaaSivam svayambhuvam vRshaaDhirooDha mavyayam > cidambaram digambaram vicitra citra bhooshaNam > mudaakaram kRpaakaram vibhoe viSuddhamaatmanam > sadaatanam puraatanam bhajaami daeva Samkaram !# > > > #suprabha # > 2-19-2001 > > > namastae ! > > These are a few poems I composed out of my > interest in metrical poetry picking carefully a few > words here and there from my memory bank.I am sure > there are quite a few mistakes in them. The friend who > could help happens to be out of town. Since I wanted > to send them on this Sivaraatri day I am sending them > as they are. Please forgive me for the mistakes and > feel free to correct them. > namaste suprabha gaaru, Thanks for the verses. I see they are from the heart and are spontaneous. My hearty congratulations to you. I am an ardent follower of your poetry in TelusA etc and also very much enjoyed your rendering of bhajagovindam in Telugu on TelusA. One minor point on the verse(s) and a simple-minded query. 1. What are vasantatilaka, madana etc? 2. In the first verse, 4th line "AvAyahAmi bhavadarcana saevanArdham". Instead of 'saevanArdham', would it be more appropriate to say 'sveekarArdham' ?. God is being invited to receive our pUjA, rather than for saeva? May be I am wrong in taking that meaning there. In any case, it is wonderful poetry and I hope you would contribute more of your heartfelt sayings on God/advaita to the List. > > with best regards to all , > > suprabha . > Regards Gummuluru Murthy --- Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted February 22, 2001 Report Share Posted February 22, 2001 > On Wed, 21 Feb 2001, suprabha u wrote: > > > > > #Sivabhaavana# Lovely poetry. Is it Telugu or sanskrit ? I do not know Telugu grammar. If it is sanskrit, and if you do not mind, I wish to bring to your notice some possible improvements . > > > -------------- > > # > > vasaMta tilaka > > > > daevaadi daeva ! jagadeeSvara ! divyamoortae! > > goevaaDa graama Sivakoevela saMsthitaaMghrae ! > > SreevaaNi putri prabha saevita cidvilaasae ! cidvilaasa being a masculine noun. the sambodhana form will be cidvilaasa. It will be cidvilaase only if it was a feminine noun like cidvilaasaa. I presume that SreevaaNi putri prabha refers to the author herself. > > > aavaahayaami bhavadarcana saevanaardhaM ! Is sevanaardham the telugu pronunciation of sevanaartham ? Also since all thewords are in the sambodhana prathamaa vibhakti, it would be better to introduce a word in dvitiiya vibhakti like tvaam, or bhavantam, to be the object for the verb aavaahayaami. Will something like aavahayami bhavantamiha puujanartham be better ? I dont know about the meter. > > madana > > > > kailaasavaasa ! karuNaakara! kaalakaMThae ! > > baalaeMdumouLi ! paramaeSvara ! phaalanaetrae ! > > SailaeMdra kanya hRdayaeSvara ! caarumoortae ! > > trailoekya vaMdita ! paraatpara ! paahi SaMbhoe ! For the same reason as given above, the form of address should be kaalakanTHa, and phaalanetra, respectively. > > > vasaMta tilaka > > > > yoegeeMdra maanasa payoeruha bhaanubimbae ! > > vaageeSa vishNu surapoojita paadapeeThae ! > > vaageeSa ! Sooli ! SaSi bhaaskara paavakaakshae ! > > naagaeMdrahaara ! bhavanaaSaka ! paahi Sambhoe ! Similarly, bhaanubimba, paadapiiTHa, and paavakaaksha and shuulin , would be more appropriate forms of address. The name vaagiisha has been used twice in this stanza. In the second line it obviously refers to Brahmaa. What meaning do you attribute to it in the third line ? paahi shambho has been used at the end of the previous stanza. Would you like to use another expression here to avoid repetition ? It would have been another matter if it had been used at the end of every stanza. > > > paMca caamaramu > > > > sadaaSivam svayambhuvam vRshaaDhirooDha mavyayam > > cidambaram digambaram vicitra citra bhooshaNam > > mudaakaram kRpaakaram vibhoe viSuddhamaatmanam > > sadaatanam puraatanam bhajaami daeva Samkaram !# In the third line, for the third word, vibhum will be more in line with all the other words in the stanza which are in the dvitiiyaa vibhakti. The first word in the fourth line is given as sadaatanam. Is it a typo for sanaatanam ? Bhajaami deva shankaram also jars a bit. Can it be changed to bhajaami loka shankaram without affecting the requirements of meter ? My suggestions made above are meant not to indulge in nit-picking. But to make a lovely piece of poetry even lovelier. I am not a poet myself nor a scholar. If what I have said militates against canons of Telugu poetry, please pardon me. Regards. V.M.Sundaram. > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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