facing sorrows

[Guest guest]

this is an interesting description of the two ways of dealing with

stuff.... facing or not facing....

 

THE POOLS

Charlotte Joko Beck (From 1989 San Diego ZC)

Let's picture if we can two landscapes. The first has a deep clear

quiet pool, and the second also has a deep clear quiet pool. The

first one is surrounded by garbage. The second one, also surrounded

by garbage, has an odd characteristic - everyone who jumps into the

pool takes a little pile of garbage in with him -- and there is

something in the pool that eats it up, so it remains quiet and clear.

Which kind of practice are you doing ? Most of us long for deep,

blissful sitting and, even if our pool of peace is ringed around with

garbage, we attempt not notice it; if the garbage can disturb us, we

want to ignore it. We don't like difficulties; we prefer to sit in

our peace and not be intruded upon. That's one type of sitting.

The other kind of pool eats up the garbage; as fast as it appears, it

is consumed as the person entering the pool carries it in with him.

Still in a short time the pool is clear and undisturbed. It may churn

more at first. The major difference is that the first pool ends up

with more and more garbage around it; the second has none or very

little.

As has been said, most of us long for the first kind of practice

(life). But the second, facing life as it is, is more genuine; we

keep churning up our drama -- seeing it, experiencing it, swallowing

it -- throwing the garbage into ourselves, the deep pool that we are.

A practice exclusively devoted to concentration (shutting out all but

the object of concentration) is the first pool. Very peaceful, very

seductive. But when you climb out of the pool, the garbage of life

remains -- our dualistic dealings with our work and relationships.

You haven't handled them. Or you may resort to the well-intentioned

but inaccurate devices of positive thinking or affirmations; the gas

in the garbage increases and in time explodes.

The second pool (being each moment of life, pleasant or unpleasant)

is at times a slow and frustrating practice, but in the long run,

fruitful and satisfying.

With all that as a background, let's look at what can be called the

turning point in our life and practice. From what are we turning?

Let's look at some sentences: "I feel irritated. I feel annoyed. I

feel happy." What we omit is: "I feel I am hurt by you. I feel I have

been made happy by you."

Actually, the fact is not that you irritate me, it's that i have a

desire to be irritated. You may loudly protest, "oh, never, I

certainly don't want to feel irritated or hurt..." Well, just for a

few years (intelligently, in the second pool). The first and

uncomfortable years of sitting make it clearer and clearer that my

desire is to be irritated or angry (separate). That's almost all I

have known as a means to preserve and protect what I think is my

identity. With continued awareness, it dawns that there is only one

person who can irritate me or make me feel lonely and depressed, and

it is myself -- myself as a false identity.

We begin to see a strange and lethal truth: contrary to our beliefs,

our basic drive and all our life fore goes into a struggle to

perpetuate our separateness, our touchiness, or self-righteousness.

Lao Tzu said, "He who feels punctured, must be a balloon.", the

balloon of irritability, anger, self-centered opinions. If we can be

punctured (hurt), we can be sure we are still a balloon. We want to

be a balloon; otherwise we could not be punctured. But our greatest

desire is to keep the balloon inflated. After all, it's me!

So what would turning be? What is the turning point? It begins when

we observe and feel our anger, our manipulation, our anxiety - and

know in our hearts a deep determination to be in another mode.

Than the real transformation can begin. Instead of ignoring garbage,

pushing it away, or wallowing in it, we take our garbage into

ourselves and let it digest. We take ourselves with us into the pool

of life. This begins the turning. After it, life is never the same.

The turning is at first feeble and intermittent. Over time, it

becomes stronger and more insistent (in Christian terms, the 'hound

of haven' chases us). As it strengthens, more and more we know who

our Master is. Of course, the Master is not a thing or a person but

our awakening knowledge of Who We Are. The difficult years of

practice (and life) come before the turning. The patience and skill

of both teacher and student are called on to the utmost. Some but not

all will make it through the difficulties.

Gurdjieff said: man is a machine. We know how machines work: when the

blender's button is pushed, it goes WHOOSSSH; when we turn our car's

ignition key, the motor roars. Man is a machine. Why? As long as a

man's primary drive is to keep his balloon unpunctured, to avoid

having his buttons pushed, he is an automatic machine which has no

choice.

Even moving from passive dependence to an active and angry

independence -- "Don't tell me what to do!" -- is still the activity

of a machine with buttons. I feel ruled and compelled by 'someting

else'; I have no choice. Like the blender, if pushed, I turn on.

Suppose you do someting to me that I view as punishing (it's mean,

it's unfair, I don't deserve it). How do I react when this button is

pushed? With anger? (And I may not reveal my anger, or I mya turn it

against myself). Then I am a machine. In this instance, what would

the tuning point be?

The turning point is my ability, developed slowly by practice, to be

aware of the thoughts and bodily sensations which comprise anger. In

the observing of thoughts and sensations, anger will swallow itself

and its energy can open life instead of destroying it. Then I (the

angry one) can act out of this clarity in a manner that benefits me

and you. This is the way of the second pool, the one that takes the

garbage, digests it, letting it feed and renew life as compost does a

garden.

Let us not have some naive notion that this ability is won overnight.

A lifetime is more like it. Nevertheless, faithful and determined

practice makes a difference and fairly soon at that.

We come to view the unpleasant aspects of life as learning

opportunities. If my balloon is deflated a little -- great!. As an

opportunity to be welcomed, not avoided or dramatized. each round of

such practice renders us a little less machine-like, gives us more

appreciation of ourselves and others.

Let's live in the second pool.