Paul//self inquiry process... who am I?

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Dear List, Pls pardon the re-send. I didn't see it appear before.

 

--Greg

 

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Paul-ji,

 

Good question you ask - why do the inquiry?

 

Most of the time inquiry does not have the emotional highs and "juice" that

bhakti yoga has (but sometimes it does - see (1) below). And of course

these practices take different form in the West than they do in India or

within families traditionally associated with the Shankaracharyan mathas.

 

So my comments are from my own experience and that of other Westerners I've

known. Even framed in Western terminology! By the way, the inquiry can be

in forms other than "Who am I?". Other forms would be investigation of the

great Advaitic statements from the scriptures "This Atman is Brahman" or

"All this is Brahman" other than "Who am I?" -- It can also be "Why am I

here"? Or "What is the basis of me, the table, of everything?" or "Why is

there a subject/object gap in all perception?" In the case of a friend of

mine, it was a kind of abstract one -- "Why can't there be many Absolute

Consciousnesses, say one per person?" He wrestled very diligently with

this for a year till it burst! Stuff like that.

 

There are two main reasons that people do inquiry. (2) is more important

than (1), but (1) is more immediately interesting:

 

(1) inquiry can reach the point of deep, intuitive, beyond-the-intellect

intuition, sometimes called jnanachakshu. This is intuition of the

nondifference between this supposed perceiving entity and Consciousness

itself. During this point, in experiential terms, there is great clarity,

great peace and light. Afterwards it might be "remembered" as bliss, and

of course an emotional-based description might be attributed to it: "Wow,

that was great, blissful, I was *there* (I'm not now)! I want to be there

again!!" Inquiry is the tool, but the motive is heavily feeling-based. It

is done so as to feel a certain way or that life will take a certain shape.

As soon as the desired feeling state occurs, the inquiry stops. Then,

because feelings pass, the inquiry is taken up again as soon as the feeling

state changes.

 

(2) At a later stage, a more subtle inquiry often begins. This is the one

that never lets go. This happens as soon as the motive shifts in a subtle

way from wanting to *feel* a certain way, to wanting to *know the truth*.

One wants to know the truth so badly that one is willing to die for it. It

might seem an intellectual matter, but it is actually felt at every level

of the inquirer's being. In the cells! No matter how the feeling state

changes, one continues the inquiry because of the compelling desire to

know. To know and to be start coming closer together. Through thick and

thin. This motive of wanting to know, it's is relatively unemotional. But

that's not the point! It's also very very very tenacious and gripping, and

very sweet. And it remains in every waking moment when the mind/intellect

is not involved in daily tasks. As soon as they are accomplished for the

moment, the ultimately sweet inquiry is taken up once again. It continues

until it reaches its natural conclusion.

 

Now you ask another fascinating question. Can you "go back"? If tghe

inquiry is more like (1), then there is a repetitive going back and forth.

But when the process is like (2) and it comes to its conclusion, it's sort

of like this: do we ever have to worry about going back to believing that

Santa Claus really exists??

 

Harih OM!

 

--Greg

 

 

 

At 02:13 AM 5/2/01 -0000, Paul J. Cote wrote:

>>>>

well, I believe many people do it all... I participate in Siddha

Yoga and was fortunate to get Shaktipat right off the bat... about 15

years ago... and since then have done many things, but now, sadhana

is picking back up... there is bliss and there are dry times...

chanting is done, meditation is done, service is done, scriptural

study... contemplation... witnessing... and self inquiry... I

guess it is based on what the individual needs...

 

just last night, I was doing that "who am I" and it like to made me

sick.... , was definitely feeling chunks of ego go away...this

morning... the bliss (joy) came back... so it must have cut through

something...

 

I like chanting... but, and I think it is mostly due to reading re:

Ramana Maharshi and the Zen folks, I hear that questioning using the

Koan... who am I is supposed to be quite direct...

 

I really don't know...

 

I do like chanting...

 

chanting generates bliss.... self inquiry aligns the ego....

readjusts it....

 

it does seem that if I do anything to a point of bliss, I stop...

well, chanting can be done beyond bliss, but enquiry... why bother?

so, doing inquiry, and then feeling bliss satisfies and the longing

stops....

 

but I don't believe I have ever gotten to the point such as

Nisargadatta talks about in his book... beyond the beyond....

 

the ego is still there...

 

who knows?

 

The ones who are full blown (Nisargadatta, maybe Ramesh Balsekar, who

knows what realization someone else has?, and even my Guru) make it

sound like some monumental thing happens and they are totally

absorbed and can then never fall... they never feel like the doer

ever again....

 

I have had powerful experiences, but have never died completely to my

ego...

 

I would like for that to happen...

 

do you all believe it ever goes away completely? irreversible?

 

Paul