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Pranams to all Acharyas!

>Is getting married correct . My view is that no one

>in the world has any right to produce children. My

>case is that, as Adisankara says "Ika Samsare bahu

>dustare", we all know very well that the samsara

>sagara is definitely a difficult battle to wage. Then

>why unnecessarily one should produce children and

>make them undergo the pain and suffering of worldly

>existence.

 

Marriage is the starting point in the Grhasthasrama,

the second phase of a man’s life as per the Asrama

Dharma of Hindu code of life, which is intended for

the Dharmic life of the future. The Grhasthasrama

samskaras have well defined rules and roles for the

husband and wife as partners in the dharmic execution

of one’s duties. Marriage is not for just begetting

children or fulfilling mundane, carnal desires, but

for higher dharmic pursuits. To drive home the due

virtues of the institution of marriage, I reproduce

excerpts from ‘Hindu Dharma’, the English translation

of ‘Deivathin kural’ which is a collection of

discourses of Kanchi Paramacharya.

 

“Every man, especially the Brahmin, is born with three

debts: he owes a debt to the sages, to the celestials

and to the fathers. He repays the first by learning

the Vedas as a student-bachelor; the second by taking

a wife and performing sacrifices; and the third by

begetting a son. So without marriage he cannot repay

the second and third debts. Sons are primarily

intented for the repayment of the debts to the

fathers. Performing the sraddha ceremony is not

enough. Forefathers of the past three generations are

to be made to ascend from the manes. So even after a

man dies, for two generations the daily libations must

be offered to him. That is why the birth of a son is

considered important. (The case of the naisthika

brahmacarin and the sannyasin is different. Because of

their inner purity and enligthenment, they can

liberate, not just two generations, but twenty-one

generations fathers without performing any sraddha

ceremony).

 

…..Dharma, artha, kama and moksa are the four

purusarthas, the four aims of life. The first of them,

dharma, is a lifelong objective. The pursuit of artha

(material welfare) and kama (desire, love) must be

given up at a certain stage in a man's life. But so

long as such a pursuit lasts, it must be based on

dharma. When a man renounces the world and becomes an

ascetic, he transcends dharma, but he does not go

contrary to it nor speak against it. Indeed, his life

is governed by the dharma of sannyasa………….. The

pursuit of the second of the four aims of life, artha,

must be based on dharma. The same applies to the third

aim, that of kama. Kalidasa expresses the same thought

in his Raghuvamsam when he speaks in praise of Dilipa:

"Abhyarthakamau tasyastam dharma eva manisinah" (With

Dilipa, the wise, even artha and kama were of the

nature of dharma). The householder's stage of life

commences with marriage. In it both material

well-being and desire have their source in dharma. The

student-bachelor and the ascetic are not concerned

with the acquisition of wealth or carnal pleasure. The

householder's stage of life, or, grhasthasrama, is a

bridge between the two and in it both are permitted

[within the bounds of dharma] …………… After completing

one's student-bachelorhood and acquiring learning and

good qualities, one must marry so as to perform

religious rites and live a life guided by dharma.

Marriage is included among the forty samskaras, which

fact shows that it is a sacred rite that sanctifies

life. Just as upanayana is preliminary(purvanga)to the

student-bachelor's stage of life, marriage is

preliminary to that of the householder. Its purpose is

disciplining the senses and the basis for the

performance of various duties.

 

The householder's life is not to be taken to mean

merely the enjoyment of sensual pleasure along with

the carrying out of duties that mean good to the

world. The fact is that the sastras have formulated

this stage of life in such a way as to make kama

itself instinct with dharma. "Dharma" means

essentially bringing everything within certain limits,

under a certain discipline and decorum. Kama must be

inspired by dharma, that is one must bridle one's

passions in one's conjugal life, so that, step by

step, the carnal urge will lose its keenness and

eventually one will gain mellowness to graduate to

sannyasa. That stage, though, comes later. But at

first, even now, in the householder's stage of life,

the passions have to be curbed, little by little, but

not forcibly. In the gurukula the celibate-student is

brought under strict discipline. That saves him from

being swept away by animal passion. ………… Then, in the

householder's life, since kama is made subservient to

dharma, the passions are kept under check. ……….[ From

the chapter : For the Practise of Dharma from Hindu

Dharma]

 

The Vedas are learned during the years of

student-bachelorhood. Then the "theory" taught has to

be put into practice; in other words the rites

prescribed in the Vedas must be performed. For this

purpose a man has to take a helpmate after he has

completed his brahmacaryasrama. This helpmate is a

"property" that can never be seperated from him. She

is not meant not only to be a cook for him, not only

one to give sensual gratification. She is called

"dharma-patni" and also "yajna-patni". She has to be

with her husband in the pursuit of dharma and has also

to be a source of encouragement in it. As a dharma

patni, she has to be by his side during the

performance of sacrifices; she must also play a

supportive role in all those rituals that have the

purpose of making the divine powers favourable to

mankind. ……. The children born to here are not to be

taken as the product of pleasure she affords her

husband. She gives birth to them to perpetuate the

Vedic dharma. Yes, even the raising of sons is

intented for the dharmic life of the future………. The

purpose of marriage in our religion is to purify the

husband further and to impact the wife fullness as his

devoted and self-effacing companion……..[To sum up and

further explain] the three objectives of a samskara of

so elevated a character as marriage. The first is to

unite a man with a helpmate after he has completed the

study of Vedas. This helpmate is expected not only to

run his household but assist him in the practice of

the Vedic dharma. The second is to bring forth into

this world children of noble outlook and character who

are to be heirs to the great Vedic tradition, citizens

of the future who will be the source of happiness in

this world. The third is to create a means for women

to be freed from worldly exsistence. A man who is not

yet fully mature inwardly is assisted in his karma by

his wife. By doing so, by being totally devoted to her

husband, she achieves maturity to a degree greater

than he does. The fourth objective is the

subordination of sensual gratification to the other

three.

 

We have forgotten the first three important

objectives. All that remains is the fourth, the

enjoyment of carnal pleasure. If people take my advice

in respect of the noble ideals of marriage as taught

in the sastras a way will open out to them for their

inner advancement. May Candramaulisvara bless them.

[From the chapter : Ideals of Marriage from Hindu

Dharma]"

 

Hari OM!

kalivaradhan

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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