Me vs. (manas and ahankar)

[Guest guest]

OM TAT SAT

Dear friends, My mind is perpetually in turmoil. By that I mean there is a

continuous combat going on between what I hold to be right and what the mind

keeps claiming. This is especially true about judging others, I have that

vasana of judging others mentally and I have to then mentally negate it. This

ego also keeps claiming that it is superior to others and it did such and such

thing. In other words, I am full of karta bhava and ahankar. Any resolve or

mental sankalpa seems futile because the mind is back in business pretty soon.

The only thing which quietens it is mantra japa and some rare moments when I

feel that unspeakable peace of Ishvara's presence.

One thing is clear that I am definitely not this body or mind. I can even

detect a rising thought - as if I know that a thought is going to arise in the

mind and I can sometimes even nip it in the bud. However, on further analysis,

I don't get beyond buddhi. Who is perceiving these thoughts or their origin and

who is negating them ? Is it not the buddhi or is it the consciousness ? I

would like to understand that everything is happening on the substratum of

consciousness but currently it is nothing more than an intellectual statement

for me. Anybody else has similar or different experience/contemplation on these

lines etc ?

 

thank you and regards,

OM TAT SAT

 

 

 

 

 

[Guest guest]

advaitin, Brahmarpanam Brahmhavih

<mahadevadvaita> wrote:

>

> OM TAT SAT

> Dear friends, My mind is perpetually in turmoil. By that I mean

there is a

> continuous combat going on between what I hold to be right and what

the mind

> keeps claiming. This is especially true about judging others, I have

that

> vasana of judging others mentally and I have to then mentally negate

it. This

> ego also keeps claiming that it is superior to others and it did

such and such

> thing. In other words, I am full of karta bhava and ahankar. Any

resolve or

> mental sankalpa seems futile because the mind is back in business

pretty soon.

> The only thing which quietens it is mantra japa and some rare

moments when I

> feel that unspeakable peace of Ishvara's presence.

> One thing is clear that I am definitely not this body or mind. I can

even

> detect a rising thought - as if I know that a thought is going to

arise in the

> mind and I can sometimes even nip it in the bud. However, on further

analysis,

> I don't get beyond buddhi. Who is perceiving these thoughts or their

origin and

> who is negating them ? Is it not the buddhi or is it the

consciousness ? I

> would like to understand that everything is happening on the

substratum of

> consciousness but currently it is nothing more than an intellectual

statement

> for me. Anybody else has similar or different

experience/contemplation on these

> lines etc ?

>

> thank you and regards,

> OM TAT SAT

>

> From

Sankarraman

I am also in the same predicament described by

you._At least you are able to have the certitude: " The only thing

which quietens it is mantra japa and some rare moments when I

> feel that unspeakable peace of Ishvara's presence.

> One thing is clear that I am definitely not this body or mind." I am

not able to even appreciate that thought, a feeling overpowering me

that beyond the personal self of fear and pleasure protecting itself,

there is nothing. Unless the mantra japa is able to abide in the

consciousness, it becomes only the exercise of the mind leading upto

heat being generated in the brain. I think that everything other than

realization, intellectual acumen, worldly goodness,

calmness-everything is only a product of vasana._

 

Yours truthfully,

Sankarraman_____________

>

[Guest guest]

Hari Om.

><mahadevadvaita> wrote:

> Dear friends, My mind is perpetually in turmoil. ....

>Anybody else has similar or different experience/contemplation on

these lines etc ?

 

Yes, I have. Sharing my thoughts (just some personal insights that

help..not necessarily valid ! Please use your own discretion if you

want to take anything from here. I am ignorant ! )

>there is a continuous combat going on between what I hold to be

>right and what the mind keeps claiming. This is especially true

>about judging others, I have that vasana of judging others mentally

>and I have to then mentally negate it.

 

In my introspection I found out that what we judge others to be is

normally present right in us only. So, it is our golden chance to

understand that "it is in me". Once this understood then we don't

have to negate 'judging others' etc. we just have to then negate

ourself. Even that I find is much easier and joyful by "surrender to

Bhagwan" than "inquiry".

>This ego also keeps claiming that it is superior to others and it

>did such and such thing.

 

If a baby is kept in a small crib forcibly doesn't it always want

out? Doesn't it try to get attention all the time? We have confined

ego to small body and it knows it doesn't belong there. Infinite is

its nature and it wants out. We have to just understand that.

>Any resolve or mental sankalpa seems futile because the mind is

>back in business pretty soon.

 

Isn't this such a beautiful wonder? :-) Bhagwan made mind that

way. "Sankalpa-Vikalpa" is its nature. We can just enjoy it like

watching a butterfly flutter on flowers.

> One thing is clear that I am definitely not this body or mind. I

>can even detect a rising thought - as if I know that a thought

>is .......I would like to understand that everything is happening

>on the substratum of consciousness but currently it is nothing more

> than an intellectual statement for me. >

 

Two snippet of Abhangas in Marathi(don't remember by which Saint.

most likely Saint Tukaram) come to my mind that help this "mental

turmoil for perfection" and for these "intellectual agonies of not

being able to transcend" etc.

 

For mental turmoil:

 

Thevile Anante Taisechi Rahave

Chitti Asu Dyawe Samadhan

 

(One should just stay like Hari has made one and kept one, with

total contentment in heart at all times.)

 

For intellectual turmoil:

 

Gun Gayeen Awadi

Hechi Mazhi Sarwa Godi

Nalage Mukti ani Sampada

Sant Sang Deyee Sada

Tuka Mhane Garbhavasi

Sukhe Ghalawe Amhasi

 

(Singing your glories with joy is my only love. I neither want

liberation nor wealth(we can take this to mean shat-sampat here).

All I want is Sant-Sang(company of Saints). You happily put me to

womb again and again and I won't complain at all.)

 

I find, what has to happen keeps happening irrespective of any

deliberation on our part. The attitude in the above abhanga snippets

gives us joy and gets rid of unnecessary clutter from our mind and

intellect.

 

"Just smile and be happy. Keep Singing His glories ! Let Hari run

the show, sit back and enjoy !" I think that's the way to be ! :-)

 

Sorry, I know this is too simple for Advaitin group probably and

might have plenty errors but that is all my contemplation is and I

told it honestly to you because you asked. Let's hope that learned

ones here have better answers for you. I pray to Bhagwan that you

feel better and find peace of mind because really that's all that

matters !

 

Love and Respect

Padma