Hi I am new to this club

[Guest guest]

I am not sure if this post is appropriate to the groups way of

conduct, please let me know if it is not. I don't have any answers or

positive things to say. Last night was a dark night of the soul, I

feel like i am being torn into fragments. I find the new-found desire

to move inwards to realise the self is compromised by the old desires

to find satisfaction in exterior things. I understand to a certain

extent that these desires cannot lead to any lasting satisfaction and

yet still i would say overall these drives still occupy a great

percentage of my energy.

I am drawn to the teachings of Ramana Maharshi and advaita, i realise

the truth of these teachings and yet my mind still doesn't cease it's

outward search. I am sick of being a servant to the mind and body,

going wherever this mind deems, following whatever halfbaked whim that

this often negative mind invests energy in.

It seems logical that a living master is required, a sage who can turn

this awareness inwards and prevent me from being carried away by

thought. I am praying that this guiding light will come to hold me

close to itself as i feel like i have washed up on too many distant

shores. I do not have a strong feeling of where my actual home is, how

is it possible that this actual beingness is the doorway to the true

home? My mind assures me that what i am searching for cannot be found

there because it is empty. My mind is still rather convinced that it

needs things that it doesn't have.

Is it possible that my connection to ramana's teaching is enough and i

don't actually need a living guru? How can i increase this urge to

remain in beingness? I wish to destroy the mind's hold on me and would

appreciate any enlightening guidance. cheers, Damian