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JAI GURUDEV

 

The past few months were very unfortunate for this

group. Things were really very smooth until a new

member from UK recked havoc by saying unreasonable

things about Guru Trimurty. For me, my gurus (bade &

trimurty) are the very reason of my still being alive.

I could not tolerate their insult and retaliated

strongly. I thought, I was right; but, later I was

told that I was not. I couldn't figure out how.

Anyway, I apologized then and I apologize now.

 

Then, when things were begining to settle down, came

another blow. A mail carrying the address of my

gurubhai, Birendra, insulted my guruji again. I didn't

know much about mail related services and thought that

it must be him and once again, responded with strong,

unreasonable words. Once again, I thought I was right;

but, later I was told that I was not. It took me a

while to understand how. It was my ignorance that

shattered this group. It was me who caused a lot of

pain and trouble. Though, I have apologized Birendra

and he has forgiven me, I know, this thing won't be

settled with mere apology.

 

I couldn't realize the bizarreness of this matter

until another member of this group accused me of

sending that mail. Normally, I would think that the

member is thinking unresponsibly; but, that person,

too, has compelling reasons to believe that I sent

that mail. My being related to the IT field was the

strongest of them. I am a programmer, I program

databased related applications in VB and build Active

Server Pages using VBScript. I am not a mail server

administrator. I don't have a mail server to forge

anything. First, I thought, that person is joking;

then, I thought, that person is a fool. Despite my

best efforts, I couldn't convince that member that no

matter how severe the reason may be, I would never use

my guru as a means to avenge someone.

 

I told that person that I do not have the required

resources and knowledge to carry out such an act. I

told that person that if I am capable of forging IP

addresses, why didn't I forged them to appear like

those of ? I told that person that If one can't

possible forge a mail server and I can't go to Brazil

to send a mail. And if I am smart enough to forge mail

servers too, then why didn't I forged it to

mail. instead of some strange one? And if I

am smart enough, wouldn't I take care of the time

difference of India and USA?

 

But nothing worked and yesterday, that person declared

me a criminal; maligned all my sadhanas and termed all

my achievements as forgery and told me to stay away. I

am sure, this is the result of my unreasonable and

irrational behaviour. I know, this is a part of my

punishment and I deserve it. Surely, I was wrong

that's why guruji has placed me on the same place

where Biru was standing a few months ago.

 

If I deserve punishment, I'll get it or perhaps,

already getting it. I can be a criminal, a forger, a

lier; but, I can never be a traitor. No matter how

serious the reason is, I would NEVER, EVER malign my

guruji's reputation. I would rather do a maran prayog

and perish all my sadhanas. I swear in the name of

god and my guru that I WAS NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR THAT

MAIL. I DID NOT SEND IT. I CAN NOT SEND IT.

 

I do not expect a 'clean chit' here. I am doing it

because I felt, I should. I request members of this

group not to start another conflict on this matter.

This group's image is already shattered.

 

If I deserve punishment for my behaviour, I'll get it.

This is my last post to this group. I have also asked

to deactivate my email account, so that no one

would remember my mindless deeds.

 

Once again, I apologize to all, especially Biru and to

that person, who was my best friend till yersterday.

Please, forgive me and forget me.

 

Ashish

 

 

 

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