The experience of the Self #4

[Guest guest]

>From No Mind I Am The Self...David Godman

 

 

 

The experience of the Self #4

 

Question: I have listened to the tape of you talking while you were

in samadhi, before you realized the Self. You thought that your `I'

was dead during that period. In what way was your final Self-

realization different? How did you know for sure that your `I' was

really dead when it disappeared for the last time?

 

Saradamma: When I was in samadhi the mind only disappeared when my

eyes were closed. As soon as I opened them my `I' would rise again.

Also, during the samadhi states there was this great feeling of

constriction in the chest. This constriction was caused by the mind,

which was still existing in a latent form in the heart. When the mind

finally died there was no constriction in the Heart-center and I was

able to open my eyes without the `I' thought rising up. As soon as

the `I' died I opened my eyes and looked at Swamy.

 

I knew that I had finally realized the Self and I knew that Swamy

knew it as well. He was so happy that he was crying. Tears were

rolling down his cheeks.

 

Question: What was your first reaction to this new experience?

 

Saradamma: There was not reaction; I just knew that I had transcended

waking, sleeping and dreaming, that I was the formless Self and that

I no longer needed a body. That's why I didn't care about staying

alive. I knew that nothing could affect the Self. I nearly died that

day but I didn't care. I know that I was already beyond birth and

death.

 

I remember opening my eyes, I think it was a few days later in my

house in Gudur, and seeing Bala with tears in his eyes. He thought

that I was dying. I didn't worry about his tears because I know that

death would never touch me again.

 

 

 

Editors note: When Swamy read this sentence out to Saradamma while

he was verifying the statements made in this chapter Saradamma made

the following remarks: "there was no `I' which knew that the Self had

been realized. The knowing `I' had totally disappeared and only the

Self remained." Swamy asked her if she wanted this line to be altered

but Saradamma said that it could stand because there was no way to

explain in words how she know that she had finally realized the Self.