Of Knotty Matters

[Guest guest]

Dear All,

I have two queries to make

1. I heard somewhere that in a family if there are two ladies who are pregnant

they should not see each other? Is it true? If so why ?

2. Can a person who is pregnant tie the nathanar mudichu in the

thirumangalyadharana in a marriage?

I look forward to answers on this .

Regards,

Srimathi Raghavan

 

 

sadagopaniyengar <sadagopaniyengar wrote:

 

Srimate SrivanSatakopa Sri Vedanta Desika Yatindra Mahadesikaya nama:

 

 

 

 

 

Of Knotty Matters

 

 

The venerable Oxford dictionary defines a Knot as "intertwining of parts

of one or more ropes , strings etc. to fasten them together". This simple

definition, however, says little to reveal the true significance of a Knot,

which deserves a few lines in its favour. This may appear to be a rather

frivolous subject to write on, apparently the desperate effort of an empty mind

starved of creative ideas and forced to clutch at mere straws. Nonetheless, the

subject is as fascinating as any other, as can be seen from the following.

 

 

 

The most popular and joyous context in which the Knot figures is in

regard to matrimony. Tying the Knot is an idiom signifying the act of entering

into wedlock. We do not know the origins of this usage, for the British have no

marital ceremony requiring the bride or the groom to tie a knot. When we come to

think of it, this must have been another gift of our haloed Indian heritage to

the English language, originating from the tying and knotting of the

Mangalasutra around the bride's neck by the groom during Hindu marriages.

 

It is this act, of adorning the girl with a knotted yellow thread, the "ThAli",

that is the high point of the entire marriage ritual, lasting for five whole

days, in days of yore. Even in the currently abbreviated versions of the

function, whatever has been given the go by, the "MAngalya dhAraNam" still

remains the centre-piece of the proceedings, with friends and relatives

showering "akshata" on the heads of the bride and groom (which mostly falls on

the head of the VAdyAr), to the accompaniment of loud and joyous strains from

wind and percussion instruments,meant to block out any inauspicious words or

sounds. Music from the Nadaswaram and the Tavil reaches a crescendo, perhaps

signifying the importance of the moment the knot is tied. It is the experience

of many a parent or sibling that this tying of the knot prompts tears of joy, of

distress at the impending separation, at the uncertainties the married state

holds out, etc.and at the sheer momentous nature of the occasion. All the

frenzied efforts spread over several days and months, involving expenditure of

stupendous and at times ruinous sums of money and effort, attain fruition at

this fine moment, when the knot is tied. As if to emphasize the importance of

the groom's sister in the future domestic scene, she too is given the

opportunity of reinforcing the knot tied by the groom. Perhaps this is advance

intimation to the bride that her "nAtthanAr" would have as much (if not greater)

say in her life, as her husband.

 

 

 

However, all the hype that surrounds the tying of the knot would be subject to

a heavy discount, when we learn that this practice of Tirumangalya dharanam

doesn't appear to have the sanction of the Shruti. Search as you might, in the

entire Yaju: Samhita or in the Mantra Prasna (which codifies the ritual-related

mantras meant for various occasions, auspicious and otherwise), you are unable

to find a single mantra for use during the occasion, which each bride and groom

consider to be a historic milestone in their lives. We find Mantras for the

first tender grasping of the Bride's hand by the Groom ("PANi grahaNam"), for

the Bride setting eyes for the first time on the husband's home, for the gifting

away of the apple of his eye by the bride's father to the stranger come to take

her away forever ("KanyA dAnam") and for a myriad other matters concerning

matrimony, but not the tying of the knot, which, one would assume from current

perceptions, is the high point of the entire ceremony.

 

 

 

Unable to find references to the matrimonial Knot in the entire Vedic

literature, we turn to the glorious Epic Srimad Ramayana, which describes in

detail not one but four marriages, of Sri Rama and His three brothers. Even if

the Vedas, in their high-flying mission of glorifying the Paramapurusha, have

omitted to cover such mundane details as Mangalya dharanam, we hope to find some

reference atleast in Ramayana, with its detailed coverage of men and matters of

that time and age.

 

 

 

Poring over the Sita Kalyana episode with a magnifying glass, we are still

unable to find even a stray reference to the practice of tying knots. The

immortal words of Sri Janaka, in giving his distinguished daughter in marriage

to none other than the Lord Himself, speak merely of PANigrahaNam, of Sri Rama

grasping the tender palm of Sri Mythily in His own, to the accompaniment of the

appropriate Veda mantra. Here is the beautiful sloka of Sri Valmiki, describing

the culmination of the holy wedlock-

 

 

 

"iyam Sita mama sutA sahadharma charI tava

 

prateeccha cha EnAm bhadram tE pANim grihNeeshva pANinA"

 

 

 

"Take charge of this beautiful damsel by grasping Her hand, to lead Her on your

righteous path. She would be a willing partner in all your lawful endeavours."

Sri Janaka thus appears to signify this holding of hands to be the culmination

of marriage procedure.

 

 

 

Nor are we able to find any traces of the wedding knot in the other major epic,

Sri Mahabharata. Having failed to find mention of the nuptial knot in the

Shruti, we search for some reference to it atleast in the Dravida Vedam. And

which Prabandam could we refer to but Kodai's Nacchiar Tirumozhi, which

graphically describes the vivid dream of Vishnuchitta's worthy daughter, of

entering into glorious wedlock with Sri Krishna, in all of ten pasurams

collectively known as "VAraNamAyiram". Sri Andal speaks ecstasically about the

Lord's impressive arrival, surrounded by and riding on a bevy of majestic

elephants, of His tying the knot of Pratisara bandham on the Divine Bride's

slender wrist, of His grasping Her palm tenderly amidst benediction by Vedic

scholars, of the lAja hOmam that followed, etc. Various aspects of the wedding

procedure are recounted with joy, but without a single reference to the Mangala

Sutram or the three knots.

 

 

 

Leave alone the Divine Dicta, even the Hindu Law recognises only the Saptapati

(the first seven steps the Bride and the Groom take together, signifying their

embarking on a voyage of companionship and camaraderie) as conclusive proof of

marriage, denying recognition to a ceremony in which the aforesaid procedure is

incomplete.

 

 

 

It is abundantly clear from all the notable omissions as aforesaid, that Tying

the Knot was never an approved component of the marriage procedure, leave alone

being the highlight thereof, which it now is. At what point in social history

this practice came into being, by whom it was introduced, the purpose of its

adoption etc. are shrouded in mystery, with nobody able to furnish authoritative

answers. One can therefore hazard a guess at best: the ThAli might have been

introduced to provide an instant identification to a married woman, as a measure

of affording her additional protection from the unholy-minded. It would also be

a constant reminder to the lady of her married state and the necessity of

adhering to attendant norms of conduct. Considering the special vulnerability of

women, the Mangala Sutra was possibly designed as a protective fence, entitling

ladies for special consideration and regard, prompting nothing but the best of

thoughts in the minds of the onlooker. However,

notwithstanding its being unheard of during times of yore, Tying the Knot is

very much an integral and indispensable part of the modern-day marriage,

extending also to the joyous occasions of the husband completing sixty and

eighty years of age, retaining forever the romance of the initial coming

together of the Bride and the Groom.

 

 

 

In contrast, there is another type of marriage, much-coveted by all who are

spiritually inclined, in which the association is considered consummated by the

removal of a knot, and not by its being tied. What marriage could this be, which

advocates the exactly opposite procedure to that prescribed for human alliances?

 

 

 

Prapatti or Sharanagati is celeberated as the holiest of weddings, between the

individual soul (representing the Bride) and the Paramapurusha, who is the

Eternal Groom. Shastras recognise only the Lord as the Purusha, all others being

considered females ("pum nAmA BhagavAn Hari:stree prAyam itarat jagat"). The

selfless surrender of the Jeevatma at the lotus feet of the Lord, assuring it of

unending bliss in the constant company and kainkaryam of the Paramatma and His

acolytes, marking the coming together of the Magnificent Master and His Eternal

Slave, represents a marriage of souls, the Individual(Jeevatma) and the

Universal (VisvAtma). Unlike human weddings, which come to an end when death or

divorce removes the bonds of a lifetime in a trice, this wedding is forever,

with no power on earth or heaven being able to part the bride and groom ("uravEl

namakku ingozhikka ozhiyAdu"). An important feature of this wedding is that the

moment the Bride plights her troth to the Glorious

Groom, the stifling Knots of Karma strangling her neck are untied gently by the

latter, marking freedom from mundane shackles. The cruel Knots of Karma (forming

a dog-collar for the Jeevatma, from which is suspended the millstone of mundane

baggage) fly apart the minute the momentous marriage is consummated, leaving the

bemused bride free forever of all bondage, eternally free to act as she would

("sa: svarAt bhavati").

 

 

 

Are knots only for women, is a question that may arise in the minds of lady

readers. It would satisfy them to know that even men are not spared these knots,

which form an integral part of the YagyOpavItam which all traivarnikAs are

mandated to wear throughout their lives, irrespective of change in Ashramam from

BrahmachAri to GrihastthA, persisting even when one chooses to renounce

everything and become a SanyAsi. The upaveetam and the Brahma granthi (knot)

thus act as an equaliser between women and their male counterparts. Just as the

wedding knot imposes additional responsibilites of impeccable conduct and

chastity on women, so too the Yagyopaveetam, with its holy knot, obliges the

wearer to perform Sandhyavandanam thrice a day without fail and to imbibe the

wisdom of Vedic lore, apart from performing sacrifices solely with universal

welfare in mind.

 

 

 

As with anything relating to matters spiritual, this piece too would be

incomplete without a reference to Swami Desikan, the author of the "SubhAshita

Neevi", a scholarly work full of homilies, but discernible only to the

initiated, remaining an unfastenable knot for others. The illuminous gems

embedded in this work twinkle their eyes in derision at those lacking devotion,

for their inability to unravel the masterly knots in each of the numerous and

siginificant statements strewn throughout the masterpiece of the Acharya.

 

Speaking of untying knots, here is a piece of information which everybody might

know, but is still worth repetition. A "Pavitram" made of "Darbham" (sacred

grass) is to be worn on the ring-finger of the right hand as a prelude to the

performance of any ritual, auspicous or otherwise. While the knotted Pavitram is

to be worn throughout the ritual (except during Achamanam), at the end of the

same, we should remember to untie the knot of the Pavitram which holds it in the

shape of a ring. Failure to do so is irregular and requires atonement in the

form of fasting. So before you cast off an used Pavitram, do remember to untie

it.

 

 

 

Srimate Sri LakshmINrsimha divya paduka sevaka SrivanSatakopa Sri Narayana

Yatindra Mahadesikaya nama:

 

 

 

Dasan, sadagopan

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Srirangasri-

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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[Guest guest]

This is in respect of the mention in Sri Sadagopaniyengar Swami's

article about mangalaya dharanam in Seetha Kalyanam.

 

In Kamba Ramayanan also there is no mention of mangalya dharanam in

the 'Kadimana padalam" in Bala kandam, which describes the marriage

ceremony in detail. Many of the vedic as well as current rituals are

mentioned in it. However the editors of the Kamba Ramayana Urai

published by Kovai Kamban Kazhagam, mention that the wearing of

mangalaya sutram is mentioned in Kamba ramayanam, being a popular

practice.

 

Adiyen, Dasan Bala sundaram