Delightful Disagreements--2

[Guest guest]

Srimate SrivanSatakopa Sri Vedanta Desika Yatindra

Mahadesikaya nama:

 

The Argument—2

 

We saw how Sri Rama gave in to His beloved wife, in their argument

about whether or not Sri Mythily should accompany Him to the forest.

To demonstrate that married life is a matter of give and take, a

matter of appreciating the other’s viewpoint and a matter of

being reasonable rather than adamant, we shall see another occasion

when the Divine Couple had an argument, where Sri Janaki ultimately

gave in to Sri Raghava’s reasoned arguments. The second debate

that the two had, dispels the popular misconception, especially in

the western world, about women in ancient India being servile and

ignorant, mere ornamental objects meant for pleasure, from whom

nothing intellectual could be expected.

 

To digress a little, all the women portrayed in Srimad Ramayanam are

extremely intelligent, capable of highly advanced thought processes

and well versed in their respective spheres. Many of them were adept

at statecraft, some at war: and we find some aware of the subtlest

aspects of Dharma. Even if you take the least educated among them,

Manthara, the arguments she advances, in favour of Sri

Bharata’s coronation and Sri Rama’s exile to the jungle,

are quite well reasoned-out and persuasive. That she is able to bring

Kaikeyi (who loves Rama more than even Kousalya) around to a

diametrically opposite viewpoint, is no small tribute to the

hunchback’s thought-processes and oratorical accomplishments.

If this is the attainment of one of the lowest of Ayodhya’s

female citizens, then one is not at all surprised at those of Kaikeyi

(who helped Dasaratha win a war against the dreaded SambarAsura) or of

Kousalya, whose parting words to Sri Rama on the eve of His departure

for the jungle constitute a distillation of righteousness, or even

those of Sri Sumitra, whose homilies to Sri Lakshmana

 

(“RAmam Dasaratham viddhi, mAm viddhi JanakAtmajAm

AyOdhyAm atavIm vidddhi gaccha tAta yathA sukham”)

 

ring still in our ears as the best advice to one bent on service to

the Divine Couple. In no way inferior are TArA and MandOdarI, who

render sterling counsel to their respective husbands, who, had they

listened to the same, would have prospered, instead of meeting a gory

death at the hands of Rama. Even a woman of apparently lowly origins

like Sri Shabari, belonging to the hunter class, is hailed to be

well-versed in the finer points of Dharma—“ShramaNIm

dharma nipuNAm”-- acquired through sincere service to her

Acharyas.

 

Thus, it is not at all surprising to find Sri Janaki raising arguments

based on a fine perception of what was right in a particular

situation.

 

The Rishis of DandakAraNyam appeal to Sri Rama for relief from the

constant torment of rAkshasAs, who not only create all sorts of

hurdles to the performance of sacrifices, but also inflict often

fatal injuries on the innocent sages. These Rishis assemble at the

Sharabhanga Ashramam and display to Sri Raghava the innumerable

injuries sustained on account of the onslaught.

 

“Ehi pasya shareerANi munInAm bhAvitAtmanAm

hatAnAm rAkshasai: ghOrai: bahoonAm bahudhA vanE”

 

Each tapasvI’s body sports more scars than would that of a

warrior. The Rishis perform Sharanagati to Sri Rama (“tatastvAm

sharaNArttham cha sharaNyam samupastthitA:”), seeking permanent

protection against the onslaught of the unholy.

 

Moved beyond measure by the sufferings of the helpless Rishis, Sri

Rama immediately vows to destroy the rAkshasAs, considering this a

heaven-sent opportunity to be of assistance to the holy men. He

assures the Rishis of protection and exhorts them to shed their fear

on this count. This done, He leaves for the Sharabhanga Ashramam.

 

It is after leaving this Ashramam, that Sri Sita voices Her doubts

about Sri Rama’s assurance to the Maharshis, about ridding them

of rAkshasAs.

 

Sri Valmiki tells us that Sri Mythily began Her submission to Her

husband, in an extremely sweet and soulful tone—“hridyayA

snigdhayA vAchA bhartAram idam abraveet”. This is a lesson for

modern women—if you want to be heard, however reasonable be

your words, your presentation has to be friendly, avoiding all

rancour and recrimination. Sri Sita’s words, though She is

about to question the correctness of Sri Rama’s conduct, are

couched in the sweetest possible tone and tenor.

 

Beginning Her argument, Sri Mythily lays a sound scriptural base for

Her averments, by pointing out that there are three great sins

prompted by one’s mind-

1) Lying, 2) coveting another’s wife and 3) violence towards others, without due reason.

 

We have to hand it to Sri Janaki for being persuasive—She

commences Her argument by praising Her husband, telling Him that the

first two of the aforesaid three sins had never happened and would

never occur in His case, given His glorious guNAs. She lavishes

further praise on Him by listing His magnificent traits-

 

“Tvayi Satyam cha Dharmam cha tvayi sarvam pratishttitham”

 

“Tat cha sarvam MahAbhAga! sakyam bOddhum jitEndriyai:

Tava vasyEndriyatvam cha jAnAmi Subhadarsana!”

 

Having prepared the ground, Sri Janaki now comes to the nub of the

matter and tells Raghava that His vow to destroy the rAkshasAs of

DankAraNyam, to protect the Rishis, is wrong, because the rAkshasAs

had not done Him any harm directly.

 

She reminds Rama that they had come to the forest for a life of

penance and non-violence and the proposed killing of rAkshasAs would

be totally against their avowed objective. She tells Him that nothing

could be farther from their quest of peace and tranquility, than to

use weapons for tormenting people, be they asurAs or others. She

launches into a powerful condemnation of Arms and their destructive

nature and recounts how an extremely docile and peaceful Rishi was

transformed into a bloodthirsty killer, merely through association

with a sword gifted to him by Indra for self-protection.

 

“Having come to the jungle for observing penance and austerity,

having taken to apparels of tree-bark and deer-skin signifying the

life of a mendicant, let us not revert to the behaviour of a King,

whose ways are violent. Aren’t weapons like the cruel bow and

arrow totally in contradiction with a mission of peace? Having come

to the forest, let us behave like tapasvIs and not like kshaktriyAs

intent on bloodshed! Moreover, our avoiding any confrontation and

living a peaceful life is what would be pleasing to your parents

too.” says Sri Janaki. Lest this persuasive tone be mistaken

for lack of emphasis, She adds firmly that She would never agree to

anyone being tormented without reason—“aparAdham vinA

hantum lOkAn Veera! na kAmayE”.

 

Just as She began, Sri Sita winds up Her harangue with more praise for

Rama. “I do not presume to advise you, for I am incapable of

that. I just draw your attention to certain matters, prompted by my

endless love and respect for you. You are the repository of all

wisdom and valour. Please do consider my humble submission and take

appropriate action, based on discussion with Lakshmana too”.

Sri Valmiki’s words here are worth their weight in gold—

“snEhAt cha bahumAnAt cha smArayE tvAm na sikshayE”

 

It is to be noted that Sri Sita never compels Her husband to adopt the

alternative She suggests, but puts the ball entirely in His

court—however, the whole exercise is with the aid of powerful

and irrefutable arguments, accompanied by parables and illustrations,

with subtle hints about the absolute unsuitability of the proposed

course of action.

 

How does Rama react to this? Does He take offence at His wife’s

words, apparently presuming to tell Him, of all people, of what was

right and wrong? Was He not Dharma personified (“RAmO

vigrahavAn dharma:”), in no need of lectures, especially from a

slip of a woman, much inferior to Him in age and experience?

Notwithstanding the sugarcoated language, what Sita had done was to

question His wisdom. How does a hot-blooded Kshatriya take this?

Does He reject His wife’s arguments outright, treating them

with contempt and condescension?

 

Because of the strong bond of love and affection binding them, Sri

Rama takes the words of Sita in the proper perspective, realising Her

well-meaning sentiments. He doesn’t agree with His wife, but

voices His disagreement in the most reasonable and inoffensive terms.

He advances eminently sensible and logical arguments in support of His

actions and tries to convince Sita of their correctness, rather than

force His views upon Her. He doesn’t tell Her, “It is

correct because I say so, and what I say goes!”, but talks to

Her with all the persuasiveness at His command.

 

Sri Rama points out to Mythily how the Rishis of DandakAranyam

specifically, and all others who seek refuge, are to be protected,

even if it entails the loss of one’s life. He tells Her that

the Rishis had performed Sharanagati to Him (“MAm SeetE svayam

Agamya sharaNyA: sharaNam gatA:”), seeking protection of life

and limb and the unhindered pursuit of their holy endeavours,

treating Him as their sole refuge—“gatim mrigyamANAnAm

bhavAn na: paramA gati:”. They had chosen Him as their sole

Saviour—“Raksha na: tvam saha bhrAtrA tvam nAthA hi vayam

vanE”. As a Kshatriya, residing whether in the palace or in the

forest, it behoved Him to rush to the rescue of the distressed, for

which sole purpose He was carrying His bow and arrow. Sri Raghava

tells Sita that His keeping His word is paramount to Him, even if it

involved theloss of His own life, Lakshmana or even Sita Herself. A

promise, once made, should be kept at all cost, especially if it is

to Brahmins, says Sri Rama—

 

“apyaham jeevitam jahyAm tvAm vA SeetE sa LakshmanAm

na tu pratigyAm samshrutya brAhmaNEbhyO visEshata:”

 

While making it clear to His wife that He had to abide by His word to

the Rishis at any cost and hence could not accept Her views, Sri

Raghava softens the disagreement by telling Her that it was indeed

correct of Her to spell out Her views, because they were prompted by

love and good intention. He also appeals to Her to see things from

His viewpoint, and praises Her as being dearer to Him than His own

life—

 

“Saha dharma chAriNI mE tvam prANEbhyOpi garIyasI”

 

Several unique aspects emerge from an analysis of the two arguments the Divine Couple had.

 

1. Not a single harsh word was uttered throughout the lengthy

exchange. The entire debate was totally free of rancour or

recrimination.

2. Both the beginning and the conclusion of the arguments were

marked by absolute cordiality, with each praising the other for their

views.

3. Each person stated His or Her position clearly and firmly,

without ambiguity, but in an extremely reasonable manner, devoid of

acrimony.

4. There was absolutely no going off at a tangent nor any resort

to irrelevant matters or invective.

5. While most arguments leave a bitter taste in the mouth of the

participants for days thereafter, the aforesaid arguments did nothing

of the sort.

6. While disagreements tend to eat away at the fundamentals of

the relationships, the aforesaid arguments resulted in the bonds of

love and affection between the couple emerging stronger.

7. There was a readiness on the part of both to appreciate and

accept the other’s viewpoint, once they were convinced of its

correctness.

8. Ego played absolutely no part in the arguments, with neither

being dogmatic or obdurate.

 

Besides being paragons of virtue and models of correct conduct in

everything else, the Prince of Ayodhya and the Princess of Mithila

also showed us the way in conducting our domestic affairs in a

congenial fashion. They showed us that it was possible for couples to

have disagreements without their taking on the hue of discord and

diatribe.

They showed us too that wife or husband, each must respect the

other’s viewpoint and not ride roughshod over the other’s

opinions. Looking to these instances and others, which showcase the

extremely strong bonds of love binding the Divine Couple, we feel

that it is high time every discordant couple was told to read the

Ramayana, which would do them immeasurably grater good than an army

of Marriage Counsellors.

 

Srimate Sri LakshmINrisimha divya paduka sevaka SrivanSatakopa Sri

Narayana Yatindra Mahadesikaya nama:

dasan, sadagopan