Mukti or bust

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Seven Day Sadhana Diary - Mukti or bust.

 

Monday

Success at last in viewing my ego as merely a pet for

whom I’m responsible.

Plan to be strict but fair; recalling Buddha’s ascent

of Mt. Meru (at the

summit of which he refused to enter Nirvana unless his

dog was allowed

too). And St. Francis, who treated his ego with

contempt but compassion,

calling it “Brother Ass”.

 

Tuesday

Ego pretending to be cute again. Had to ignore his

distractions, when I know

he plans to fiddle my tax return. Nice to know I can

blame everything on the

Ordainer who predestines life, and can walk away from

the consequences.

 

Wednesday

Ego now firmly under control. He seems to be happy

with the arrangement

where I am master, but wants a bit more pampering and

indulgence in return.

Threaten to kill him on account of going too far

(emotional entanglement

with girl next door), but he’s irresistable when he

looks at me and calls me

boss. When I get too spiritual, his antics take away

my pretensions and

conceits. Feeling real good about myself; not far to

go now!

 

Thursday

He’s trrying to shock me. Yesterday, eating a whole

tin of condensed milk.

Today, he’s toddled off for a small beer in the

potting shed, where there’s a

cache of ‘Playboy’ s hidden from the wife in

pre-spiritual days. It won’t

work.

Tell him I now consider myself one with Krishna, above

such things, so he’s

on his own.

 

Friday

Meditation. Why do I have to call him ‘my’ ego anyway?

If everyone’s got an

ego, can’t I just be an ego-lover without attachment

to a particular one?

 

Saturday

Get home from work to find blasted ego has provoked

wife and children to

gang up against me. Some rubbish about neglected

house-work and fixing

things. Explained that phenomenal world is illusory

and they are all just

figments of my dreams. No use; thorough alienation.

Went to bed with big

supply of books on Advaita.

 

Sunday

Woke thoroughly confused. Can’t remember what I had in

mind in starting

sadhana. Looking after ego seems to be a full-time

job. Need another week.

 

Nasrudin

 

 

 

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