Marriage: Amma Anasuya Devi...

[Guest guest]

Here is something on marriage, as per a request earlier today:

 

The following is taken from the March '80 issue of Matrusri Journal,

in an article entitled "Mother and Marriage" by Komaravolu:

 

"In Mother's view, marriage has a very sacred meaning and signifies

the joining of the individual with the Absolute. This idea is

attained by the girl partner viewing her husband as the "bestower of

all" and dedicating her unblemished mind without any reservations to

the man. When a lady complained that this was difficult for a woman

whose husband was physically apart from her or no longer alive,

Mother responded that a wife should consider her husband present as

long as she could bring to mind his form.

 

Another common question which gets put to Amma is what should a

married person's attitude be toward a spouse who ill-treats or

ignores. Mother's answer is that to love a person who does not love

in return is a sign of greatness. A devoted wife does not really

care if her love is responded to or not. She loves and serves her

husband for the sake of her own salvation. His worthiness, or

otherwise, is not even a consideration. She serves her husband for

the sake of her peronal upliftment. If the man derives pleasure from

her services it is all well and good, but she serves him primarily

for her self-satisfaction. Mother teaches that the truly devoted

wife would bear and forbear with any treatment," that her husband

might mete out to her. If the man beats her, the ideal _pativrata_

(devoted wife) feels pleased that her Lord has chosen to touch her

that manner. If the husband is a drunkard, Mother urges the devoted

wife to hand him the cup with a resigned joy. In all cases she would

adjust herself to the habits and desires of her partner; this is the

way to peace of mind according to Mother."

 

--

 

In reading and typing this, I had to wonder how much was the author's

view/opinion and how much was that of Amma's. I did come across the

following quote from the May '82 issue of the Matrusri Journal (this

was rendered into English by C Venkata Rao):

 

"According to Mother one should be prepared to accept any experience

in life, good or bad. One should not run away from an unpleasant

situation. Even if he tries to run away, it will chase him. Mother

incidentally cautions: "What you crave for will not happen. What is

ordained will certainly be yours."

 

Perhaps some time I will post the entire chapter entitled "Mother and

Marriage" from the article by Komaravolu.

 

Here is a saying of Amma's that I could relate to when I read it:

 

"I become thin and weak if I do not feed you" Mother says with a

touch of humour, "I appease your hunger so that you may similarly

respond to the hunger of others and feed them." Mother adds, Her aim

is to awaken the dormant, motherly instinct in all of us so that we

readily respond to the suffering of others, like hunger or physical

illness."

 

In reading something of Mother's own marriage (I believe she was

married at the age of l3)...there was only food for about 200 guests

at the wedding, and Amma invited all, the book said three times that

amount of people, yet all were fed well. There were other times that

I had read how Amma fed and fed thousands who came to Her; very

similar to Christ feeding the multitudes...

 

Kathy

[Guest guest]

Kathy,

 

Thanks for these words from Amma Anasuya Devi.

 

This is one topic that has touched me deeply on a personal level for

some time now, and is really going to be touching me even more very

soon. However, I have always felt troubled by some attitudes towards

marriage and I wonder if any members can shed some light on this for

me. (Perhaps I am just too "American" to understand...)

 

In Kathy's message, she quoted a passage stating that a woman should

be happy if her husband is beating her, and she should feel happy

that the Lord has chosen to bring her this touch. To be honest, I

could not disagree more.

 

I believe a man that beats his wife (or anyone that uses any sort of

physical violence) is doing himself an injustice, not to mention an

injustice to his wife, and an injustice to the body that God has

given his wife. He is accruing karmic debt in using violence and

causing harm to another. In war, or in the operating room, normally

violent acts are looked upon as noble and as a duty. When it comes to

beating a woman (or a child, or someone else...) is this a man's

duty?

 

Also, if a woman is being beaten, then is she not doing a disservice

to the body God has given her by continuting to stay in the

situation? Isn't it her duty to remove herself from such a violent

situation and protect herself?

 

With love,

Erica

[Guest guest]

-

Dear Erica,

 

I, too, was troubled by what I had read and posted. I cannot but

help wonder if the author was giving his own "take" on what maybe he

*thought* Amma Anasuya Devi was saying, or maybe even his own

opinion, rather than stating what She may have actually stated. I

know I have found that She speaks to people on the level they are at

(or something said to this effect). I wrote a friend and this friend

mentioned something about the level these great beings are speaking

from...and mentioned Ammachi (do you know about Her, and how she was

so badly beaten/abused by her parents when she was growing up, thrown

out of the home, etc. etc.?) I suppose someone at the 'saint level'

IS able to look at all abuse/hurt/harm as "blows from the Divine".

 

In this day and age where so many women are so horribly abused,

beaten, and even murdered by husband-abusers, one must wonder if Amma

Anasuya Devi were in the body today, would She still give this adivce

or these words (if, in fact, She ever had said them and it was

written accurately). I do think I remember reading that She was

pretty badly treated by her husband, who gave her a very hard time

when so many people would come to Her (don't know for how many years).

I just don't know what to say. I will have to continue looking for

more on what She might have said about marriage, through my many

books, journals, and materials.

 

Perhaps great saints can change others through the love they radiate,

and maybe She was saying something like this (if recorded correctly

by the author of the article). But in view of what is happening in

today's society, with such horrible abuse, one must really wonder and

find it hard to accept that if women are beaten by husbands, that

this is the 'touch of the Lord upon them'. I am not so sure I can

accept that, either, to tell you the truth.

 

I also do remember reading Murshid (H.I.Khan) saying something to the

effect that if someone hurts you or is cruel to you, to regard it as

blows from God, etc... But being physically abused and/or

emotionally abused by a marriage partner is a really hard one. The

part in that quote where it says the woman really stays in such a

situation for her own liberation or self-satisfaction, to me, sounded

extremely patriarchal and I must to admit to wondering if Amma really

ever DID say this, or that was the author's own "spin" on what he

interpreted Amma as saying at one point.

 

The danger in any of these reading of quotes/sayings by great beings

is the danger that someone has either misinterpreted something or put

their own spin into it, or opinion/judgment, etc.

 

Will keep an eye on the lookout for more material on what She may

have said about marriage..

 

Blessings,

 

Kathy

 

-- In , "sugarandbrine" <sugarandbrine> wrote:

> Kathy,

>

> Thanks for these words from Amma Anasuya Devi.

>

> This is one topic that has touched me deeply on a personal level

for

> some time now, and is really going to be touching me even more very

> soon. However, I have always felt troubled by some attitudes

towards

> marriage and I wonder if any members can shed some light on this

for

> me. (Perhaps I am just too "American" to understand...)

>

> In Kathy's message, she quoted a passage stating that a woman

should

> be happy if her husband is beating her, and she should feel happy

> that the Lord has chosen to bring her this touch. To be honest, I

> could not disagree more.

>

> I believe a man that beats his wife (or anyone that uses any sort

of

> physical violence) is doing himself an injustice, not to mention an

> injustice to his wife, and an injustice to the body that God has

> given his wife. He is accruing karmic debt in using violence and

> causing harm to another. In war, or in the operating room, normally

> violent acts are looked upon as noble and as a duty. When it comes

to

> beating a woman (or a child, or someone else...) is this a man's

> duty?

>

> Also, if a woman is being beaten, then is she not doing a

disservice

> to the body God has given her by continuting to stay in the

> situation? Isn't it her duty to remove herself from such a violent

> situation and protect herself?

>

> With love,

> Erica