Marriage and Spirituality

[Guest guest]

Prasad,

 

First, congratulations on your upcoming marriage and

the love that you have found. Those of us that have

found such love are quite lucky indeed.

 

Here in the group, we have previously discussed this

topic, but from a different angle. I hope that members

do contribute, as this is something I myself would be

quite interested in as well.

 

Personally, I believe that we should not stand in the

way of our partner's spiritual quest. Rather, we

should encourage our partner to continue on with his

or her own spirituality or even lack thereof. As with

other types of relationships, we should respect where

our partner is along the journey and not attempt to

change his or her position along their own path.

 

Ammachi said:

 

"What we should gain through family life is the

training for total surrender to God. We have to

realize that our wife and little ones do not belong to

us or we to them."

 

I believe this is also true. We must remember that

while we are married it is our duty to raise the

children, be a good wife or husband, and continue

learning how to connect with the Divinity that is all

around...even in mundane chores. I feel that it is

important to remember that marriage is a blessing, and

we should treat it as such. Not to mention that we

should treat our partner as a blessing as well. Love

in every form is fantastic!

 

With love,

Erica

 

--- prasad_s_deshpande <no_reply>

wrote:

 

> I would like to know, how does marriage and love fit

> into spirituality and in our journey?

 

 

 

 

New DSL Internet Access from SBC &

http://sbc.

[Guest guest]

Jaya Sri Radhey! Namaste.

 

The Great devotee Prahlad Maharaj had taught to the other boys in his

school about the perils of family life that can throw road-blocks on

the path of Divine Love.

 

"With his mind attached to the RELATIVES and

BOUND by the affection of lisping CHILDREN,

how can a man FORGO the private company and

SWEET friendly counsel of his sympathetic WIFE?"

 

"REMEMBERING his sons and those BELOVED daughters,

brothers and sisters as well as his helpless parents

and DWELLINGS provided with abundunt articles of attractive

furniture, hereditary vocations, animals and servants,

how can he RENOUNCE THEM ???"

 

"Nay, pursuing actions of DIFFERENT categories

out of greed for REWARDS of various kinds,

like a SILK-WORM which builds its NEST in which

it gets IMPRISONED due to its leaving NO OUTLET

from it and thinking highly of the pleasures

relating to sex and the palate,

how can he feel DISGUSTED with them,

his DESIRES remaining still UNSATED and

his INFATUATION knowing NO bounds ??? "

 

"FOND of family, the CARELESS fellow does NOT

PERCIEVE his life WEARING AWAY in the endeavour

to MAINTAIN his family nor his REAL PURPOSE

in the shape of GOD-REALIZATION frustrated;

and even though his MIND remains AFFLICTED by

the three kinds of AGONY everywhere,

he NEVER gets SICK of them !!!"

 

"Since NONE who is extremely PASSIONATE and

a veritable toydeer for DIVERSIONS of lustful women,

in WHOM are the FORGED FETTERS in the form of OFFSPRING,

is EVER and ANYWHERE CAPABLE OF LIBERATING his soul,

therefore AVOIDING from a respectable distance,

O Daitya chidren, the COMPANY of Daityas,

who have set their mind on the OBJECTS of SENSES,

TAKE REFUGE in the final BEATITUDE sought for EVEN

by those who have given up ATTACHMENT FOR EVERY THING."

 

(Bhagavatam 7. 10, 11, 12, 13, 17, 18)

 

Jaya Sri Radhey!

[Guest guest]

Jaya Sri Radhey!

 

Another verse from Bhagavatam in relation to family life:

 

"The DWELLING TOGETHER in this WORLD of created beings,

first COLLECTED in one place, under ONE ROOF(like the INN)

and SEPARATED by providence on account of their past

actions (karma), is just like the GATHERING OF MEN

IN A SHED ON THE ROADSIDE containing a RESERVOIR of WATER

for the WAYFARERS (modern REST AREA on High Ways),

O virtuous mother!"

 

(Bhagavatam 7.2.21)

 

 

Jaya Sri Radhey!

[Guest guest]

Ramakrishna Paramahasa had several devotees who were devout

householders. For them, he recognized, that it is not possible to

give up everything because they are the mainstay of the social order

and responsibilites. However he said,

 

"Let the boat be in the water, but let there be no water in the

boat". "Do all your duties, but keep your mind on God. Live with them

all - with wife and children, mother and father - and serve them.

Treat them as if they as very dear to you, but know in your hearts

that they do not belong to you."

 

Thus we see, it comes back to the isssue of attachment. Renunciation

need not be physically giving up material desires; it is giving up

the attachment to them. I would think it is harder to give up

attachment to "things" you are constantly in touch with. Therefore

the sadhna is more challenging. That maybe why I have always learnt

that sadhna that works out Karma within the Grihasti (households:

even institutions are households of sorts) is the toughest and the

best way to burn out one's blocks to spiritual freedom.

 

_/\_ Tat twam asi

 

Uma

 

 

*****************************************

Post 4403 prasad_s_deshpande wrote:

> I would like to know, how does marriage and love fit into

> spirituality and in our journey?

>

[Guest guest]

Dear Radhakutirji and Umaji,

 

Thank you very much for the valuable information on marriage in our

journey of spirituality. I will try to procure the book as informed

by Radhakutirji.

 

I would like to request married people in the club to share their

views and how they are continuing with their and

simultaneously managing the Grihastashram. It will be a good guidance

for people like me who are planning to get married.

 

I wish all the people who will be getting married soon and entering

the Grihastashram, a happy and nice time with the family. The lord is

always with us and he will guide us every moment as we are seeking

him with our heart.

 

All in the service of lord.

 

Love,

Prasad

[Guest guest]

Once an old man was travelling by train on a pilgrimage to Brindavan.

At night, whilst he was asleep, his wallet fell from his pocket. A co-

passenger found it the next morning and enquired as to whom the

wallet belonged. The old man said it was his. A picture of Sri

Krishna inside the wallet was proof that the wallet really belonged

to him.

 

The old man then began to relate the story of the wallet. He soon had

a group of eager listeners around him. Lifting up the purse for all

to see, the old man said: This purse has a long history behind it. My

father gave it to me years ago when I was a mere schoolboy. I kept my

little pocket money in it and also a photograph of my parents.

 

Years passed. I grew up and began studying at university. Like every

youth, I became conscious of my appearance. I replaced my parents'

photograph with that of my own and I would look at it often. I had

become my own admirer.

 

Then came marriage. Self-admiration gave way to the consciousness of

a family. Out went my own picture and I replaced it with that of my

wife's. During the day I would open the wallet many times and gaze at

the picture. All tiredness vanished and I would resume my work with

enthusiasm.

 

Then came the birth of my first child. What a joy I experienced when

I became a father! I would eagerly rush home after work to play with

my little baby. Needless to say, my wife's picture had already made

way for the child's.

 

The old man paused. Wiping his tearful eyes, he looked around and

said in a sad voice: Friends, my parents passed away long ago. My

wife too died five years ago. My son- my only son- is now married. He

is too busy with his career and his family. He has no time for me. I

now stand on the brink of death. I do not know what awaits me in

future. Everything I loved, everything I considered my own, has left

me.

 

A picture of Lord Krishna now occupies the place in my wallet. I know

He will never leave me. I wish now that I had kept HIS picture with

me right from the beginning! He alone is true; all others are just

passing shadows.

 

Sri Sarada Devi, the holy mother, says: Don't be afraid my child,

these earthly ties are transitory. Today they seem to be the be-all

and end-all of life, and tomorrow they vanish. Your real tie is with

God. God is one's very own. It is the eternal relationship. He is

ever looking after you. Call on the Lord who pervades the entire

universe. He will shower His blessings upon you.

 

---------------------

 

Dhanaani Bhoomau Pashvascha Goshthe

Bharyaa Gruh Dwaare Swajan Smashaane

Dehschitaayaam Parlokmaarge

Karmaanu Go Gacchati Jeev Ek

 

Your wealth will remain on earth; your cattle will remain in the

stables, Your wife will come till the entrance door, your relatives

and friends will come till the cremation ground, your body will

accompany you till the funeral pyre, but on the way beyond this life

only your Karmas will accompany you.

 

 

Hari Aum !!!

[Guest guest]

>>how does marriage and love fit into spirituality and in our

journey? <<

 

Marriage is the transition from the Brahmacharya Ashrama into

the 'Grihastha Ashrama' (one of the four Ashramas viz. Brahmacharya,

Grihasta, Vanaprastha and Sanyasa). Just like how we love our

parents, siblings, and friends after marriage, we get new relations --

> wife/husband and children after marriage. Just like how the love

that we have towards our mother / father is unique, so too is the

love for the spouse. Marriage and love correspond to the material

plane of existence whereas spirituality is on a transcendental plane.

They are thus not inimical to each other.

 

What is important is to constantly remember our goal in life, to stay

focussed, and not fall a prey to materialistic distractions.

 

The responsibilities and duties of a householder can be carried out

with the sense of serving the Lord, in those forms. This without any

attachment is the greatest surrender.

 

One may feel that only a sanyasin (recluse) can advance in

spirituality, but can he actually advance in spirituality, if his

mind is constantly engaged in worldly matters? On the other hand, a

householder can advance in spirituality and gain Liberation, if his

mind is detached, and constantly remmebers the Lord.

 

Once a devotee asked Ramana Maharshi.

 

Q. How does a grihasta fare in the scheme of Moksha?

 

A. Why do you think yourself to be a grihasta? If you go out as a

sannyasi, the thought that you are a sannyasi will haunt you. You

will be only substituting one thought by another. The mental

obstacles are always there. They even increase in new surroundings.

There is no help in the change of environment. The mind is the

obstacle. Therefore why change the environment.

 

------------------

 

Solitude is in the mind. One may be in the thick of the world and

maintain serenity of mind : such an one is in solitude. Another may

be in a forest, but still unable to control his mind. He cannot be

said to be in solitude. A man attached to desires cannot get

solitude wherever he may be. A detached man is always in solitude.

 

--------------------

 

Since action is not inimical to mental transcendence and inaction,

one can carry out all the worldly duties by constantly remembering

the Lord. There is a story that better elucidates the point.

 

In the Ramayana, King Janaka (Sita's father), though a King, had

renounced the world, and was a Jnani. He not only solved the

materialistic problems of his subjects and friends, but also solved

their spiritual problems. Once many of his friends had a common

doubt, which is, "How can one constantly remember the Lord, when one

is engaged in various activities of the world?" To answer their

query, King Janaka invited all his friends for a Royal Lunch, and

said that he would clarify their doubt following the lunch. His

friends gladly accepted the invitation, and assembled in Janaka's

court the following day.

 

Needless to say, King Janaka was a very generous man, and had

arranged for an elaborate 6-course luncheon. When all his friends

assembled, King Janaka led them to one of the most exquisite dining

rooms. The floor was made of white marble, and the room was decorated

with jasmine and other flowers, whose fragrance filled the air.

Beautifully decorated silver lamps were lit, and this added to the

cosy atmosphere. The table was made of teak, which was exquisitely

and intricately carved. The guests were served in golden plates and

bowls. A lot of care was taken in preparing the food, and needless to

say, it was one of the most delicious food one had ever tasted.

 

The guests were relishing the delicious meal, and were enjoying

themselves, but there was one thing that bothered them. A tuft of

hair was loosely tied, and hung just a few feet above each guest's

plate. Though the guests were thoroughly enjoying the lunch, they

were in constant fear of whether the hair hung above wud fall onto

their plate. ie. they constantly kept an eye on the tuft of hair

below, while simultaneously enjoying the lunch.

 

Finally the great luncheon was over, and the guests were eagerly

waiting to meet Janaka, to know the answer to their question. King

Janaka, on seeing them asked, "How did you all enjoy your lunch?"

They replied, "Wonderful, It was one of the best luncheons we've ever

had. But your Highness may we ask, why you had hung a tuft of hair

over each of our plates ?"

 

King Janaka said," Dear friends, All of you were thoroughly enjoying

the lunch that I had arranged, yet constantly through out the lunch,

one portion of your minds was fixed on the tuft of hair above. Just

as how you were constantly thinking of the tuft of hair while

relishing your lunch, so too can one constantly remember the Lord,

while engaged in the various activities of the world. "

 

King Janaka's friends thanked him for the answer and went home

satisfied.

 

-------------------

 

Marriage and spirituality are thus on different planes (material and

transcendental respectively), and are not inimical to each other. One

can carry on with the worldly duties, and at the same time carry on

with the spiritual journey inside.

 

Hari Aum !!!

[Guest guest]

An excerpt from "MOTHER OF ALL" (life of Amma Anasuya Devi, who

Herself was married):

 

"This path of serving, obeying, and revering one's partner is one

that Amma has scrupulously followd throughout her married life. In

her case, however, it was not as a _sadhana_ that she adopted this

role, but in order to set a living example for others. Mother says

that what the yogi strives for by leaving home and repairing to some

lonely spot, the devoted wife can realize easily by maintaining a

worshipful and pure attitude toward her husband. Marriage is only a

hindrance to spiritual progress when it is perceived crudely as an

exclusively physical or emotional union. By opening oneself to the

spiritual dimension of marriage, Amma insists, it is possible to

transform married life into a royal road to perfection.

 

She teaches that the hidden inner meaning, the high purpose of

marriage, as it was perceived by the seers of old, was not merely the

physical coming-together of bodies, but nothing less than the merging

of the individual with the Absolute. This is effected by

surrendering one's personal will and desires to God, in the form of

the wife or husband. Only when all selfishness and egoism are

surrendered in this way will it be possible for the impersonal divine

vision to dawn. Marriage at its best becomes a training ground for

unselfishness and the spirit of sacrifice. "

Excerpted from: MOTHER OF ALL by Richard Schiffman, p. l7l

 

 

Blessings,

 

Kathy

 

@}-->---

[Guest guest]

These are some of Maharshi's teachings for a grihasta, delivered on

different occasions .

 

Ramana Maharshi: It is quite possible for the wise grihastha ( a

householder) who earnestly seeks Liberation, to discharge his duties

in

life without any attachment, considering himself as merely

instrumental for

the purpose, i.e., without any sense of doership. Such karma (action)

is

not an obstacle in the way of attaining Jnana (a knower of reality).

Nor

does Jnana stand in the way of discharging one's duties in life.

Jnana and

karma are never mutually antagonistic and the realization of the one

is not

an obstacle to the performance of the other.

 

 

Maharshi : As there is no rule that action should depend upon a sense

of being the doer, it is unnecessary to doubt whether any action will

take place without a doer or an act of doing.

 

 

Ramana Maharshi: A wise householder may also discharge without

attachment

the various household duties which fall t o his lot according to his

past

"karma" (actions), like a tool in the hands of another. Action and

knowledge are not obstacles to each other.

 

Questioner: Of what use to his family is a wise householder who is

unmindful of his bodily comforts and of what use is his family to him.

 

Ramana Maharshi: Although he is entirely unmindful of his bodily

comforts,

if, owning to his past karma, his family have to subsist by his

efforts, he

may be regarded as doing service to others. If it is asked whether

the

wise man derives any benefit from the discharge of domestic duties,

it may

be answered that, as he has already attained the state of complete

satisfaction which is the sum total of all benefits and the highest

good of

all, he does not stand to gain anything more by discharging family

duties.

 

 

Questioner: How can cessation of activity (nivrthi) and peace of

mind be

attained in the midst of household duties which are of the nature of

constant activity?

 

Ramana Maharshi: As the activities of the wise man exist only in the

eyes

of others and not in his own, although he may be accomplishing immense

tasks, he really does nothing. Therefore his activities do not stand

in

the way of inaction and peace of mind. For he knows the truth that

all

activities take place in his mere presence and that he does nothing.

Hence

he will remain as the silent witness of all the activities taking

place.

 

Hari Aum !!!

[Guest guest]

Jaya Sri Radhey! Namaste.

I am reminded again of the important verses from Srimad Bhagavatam

regarding the 'spiritual sadhana' of the devotees.

 

"gRheSva va sthito rAjan kriyAh kurvan gRhocitAH

vAsudevArpaNaM sAkSA dupAsIta mahAmuni"

 

"zRNvan bhagavato 'bhIkSNamavatArakatham

zradda dhAno yathAkAlam upazAnta janAvRtaH"

 

"satsaGgAcchanakaiH saGgamAtmajAyAtmajAdiSu

vimucyen mucyamAneSu svayaM svapnavad utthitaH"

 

"yAvadarthamupAsIno dehe gehe ca paNDitaH

virakto raktavat tatra nRloke naratAM nyaset"

 

(Srimad Bhagavatam. 7.14.2-5)

 

Meaning-

 

Sri Narada Muni declares, "A householder, who performs his or her

daily duties as an offering to His pleasure only with his (her) mind

engrossed in Lord Vasudeva, engaging in the service of His devoted

Saints, though living in a household, is separate from it, and

attains Divine Association."

 

"Surrounded by liberated Saints who are tranquil by nature and

reverently hearing again and again according to his leisure the

nectar-like stories of the Lord's descents, he should gradually give

up through the fellowship of Saints attachment to his body, wife,

progeny etc., who are themselves going to be severed from him, even

as he who has woke up from a dream gives up attachment to the objects

seen in a dream."

 

"Serving his body and household ONLY to the extent it is absolutely

NECESSARY to do so and OUTWARDLY APPEARING like one attached to them

though INWARDLY DISGUSTED with them, a WISE man should EXHIBIT his

humanity behave like ORDINARY men in the midst of men."

 

The greatest ideal in this regard is established by the Gopis.

 

"ya dohane 'vahanane mathanopa lepa

prekheMkha nArbha ruditokSaNa mArjanAdau

gAyanti caina manurakta dhiyozru kaNTyo

dhanyA vraja striya urukrama citta yAnAH"

 

(Srimad Bhagavatam. 10.44.15)

 

Meaning-

 

The Gopis performed every household chores like, milking the cows,

cooking, cleaning, taking care of house and children, while singing

the glories of Their Beloved Krishna, with their eyes full of tears,

with voices choked, and hearts filled with divine love.

 

Their supreme selfless devotion, made Lord Krishna Himself, their

eternal Debtor.

 

"AsAmahO carana renu jushamahaM zyAM

vRndAvane kimapi gulma latauSadhI nAM

yA dustyajaM svajana mArya pathaMca hitvA

bhejur mukunda padavIM zRti bhirvi mRgyAM"

 

(Bhagavatam 10.47.61)

 

Meaning-

 

The great Jnani devotee Uddhava, dedicated friend of Sri Krishna

prayed-

 

"O Sri Krishna!

How fortunate I would be, to become a grove, a creeper, or a plant in

the forest of VrindAvana, in order to be blessed with the "foot-dust"

of the Gopis, who have cut off all bonds of worldly attachments and

attained the Highest state of Transcendental Bliss of Divine love,

which is being searched in Vedas, from time immemorial (but invain)!

 

Jaya Sri Radhey!