My First Darshan

[Guest guest]

Namaskar to a... _/\_

 

It has been a while since I posted here. I apologize for that. I have

been busy with my marriage, move, and a new job. I plan on posting as

often as possible now.

 

This past weekend I had the wonderful experience of meeting Ammachi

(Mata Amritanandamayi Devi) in Chicago and having her darshan. It was

a deeply moving spiritual experience, and a life-changing event.

Below, I have included my not-so-brief account of the weekend,

including witnessing the Guru Poornima day puja. I apologize in

advance for the length of this post!

 

My First Darshan

 

I didn't realize what was happning until after the

line was moving. I was still reeling from the whole

experience, the bhajans, the meditation. I had this

overwhelming feeling deep inside of me to call out to

her and reach my hands out like a greedy child, but I

managed to supress it. My husband and I were in line

together; I guess it's standard to receive darshan as

a couple or family. We waited, and got to the front of

the line together. Someone told us that she had to

take our glasses for darshan, so she took them and put

them in a basket for us to come and get afterwards. We

were given a Kleenex so we could wipe our faces, but I

used mine to sop up my tears. I had a new wrist mala

in my right hand, and wanted Amma to bless it for me.

I clenched it so tightly that I forgot it was there.

My husband went up to her first, and one of the

attendants asked him what his mother tongue was. He

said "Tamil" and the attendant told Amma the same. I

had to remind them that we were together, and then

they scooted me up next to him. My husband was already

being embraced by Amma, and she was muttering some

Tamil in his ear. He looked up at her with huge eyes

and said something back, and she smiled and whispered

in his ear again. She released the embrace and turned

to me, and I started bawling like a baby. She said

"Padma" softly and embraced me. It was so natural that

I didn't realize that she said my name until

afterwards. I was so overwhelmed in the moment and so

drunk with bliss. She hugged me and said, "No no no no

no no no" because I was crying so hard and then said

"My daughter daughter daughter my daughter daughter

daughter daughter" over and over. She released me,

grabbed one of my hands and one of my husband's and

put them together. The mala was in my hand, and Amma

kissed it as well as our hands. She touched our hands

to her cheek and kissed our hands again, and then

sprinkled flower petals on us. I ended up with a

Hershey's kiss and some of the petals in my hand. I

clenched my fingers very tightly.

 

I stood up as if I was a drunkard standing up for the

first time in weeks. My entire body was energized and

I was shaking like a newborn baby. I've never shaken

like that – so intensely and so strongly. We somehow

managed to find our glasses, and I kept crying, and

all I could think was, "Don't fall on these people".

 

We made it to the chairs off to the side of the

darshan line, where we sat because I couldn't walk any

further. I think I was crying and babbling and I asked

my husband what she said to him in Tamil. He said,

"She asked me if I have a job. I said that I didn't,

and she smiled and said that I should be patient." I

was absolutely floored. I was so happy that she'd said

that to him, and so overcome with bliss and shakti.

How did she know that? How did she know my name? Why

was I shaking so much? I was aware that my friends

were there, and I think I was crying, and my friend

was smiling, and she said that she was happy she was

there to see our first darshan, I think. I just kept

shaking. I was drunk, confused, shaking, crying, but

oh so happy.

 

I smelled Amma all night long. She has the most

beautiful scent, which is somewhat akin to roses mixed

with sandalwood incense. The smell floated by my nose

again and again, in short bursts. My husband smelled

like her. His hair, I thought, but no. I kept sniffing

him, hoping to catch another whiff.

 

I dreamt of her all through my blissful sleep that

night.

 

Next morning went back to the hotel, even though we'd

previously planned on leaving for home early in the

morning! We were told we couldn't have a token since

we'd already seen Amma this summer, and we should

check back after the medidation. Oh man! What if we

can't have darshan again? My husband calmed me by

saying, "We should be happy that everyone is being

blessed by Amma, as we were last night!" He was right.

I was being greedy.

 

We were blessed because yesterday was Guru Poornima

day, which we didn't realize! So, Amma came into the

hall and the Swamijis performed the puja, which was

really beautiful. They washed her feet with milk and

honey and turmeric and all, and then chanted and

poured rose petals on her feet. They ended up

absolutely MOUNDED with petals (I was blessed enough

to get some of the petals later on). So beautiful. She

was garlanded so many times that they were over her

head! I started to cry. I noticed the lady next to me

crying, too.

 

After the puja, Swamiji talked a little bit, and Amma

talked a little too, and then we had a short

meditation. As soon as that was over, I sent my

husband out to see if they were giving out tokens. He

came running back and said that they were giving

tokens. Yay! We got in line and my friend had been

holding our spot. Wonderful! Husband and I got tokens

numbered 801-850. We were going to have to wait some

time today, not like our first darshan the night

before.

 

So we waited in the line, gave our glasses again,

wiped our faces with the Kleenex, and crawled up to

get our hugs. We kneeled in front of her again, and

Amma pulled my husband to her and held him there under

her left arm. She was talking in Malayalam to a man

kneeling next to me, so her face was turned in my

direction as she was hugging my husband. His hug

lasted a GOOD two to three minutes! I couldn't believe

it!! It was so long that the woman videotaping the

darshan actually STOPPED taping. I stayed there and

stared at her, my eyes as big as teacup saucers. I

could smell her, and I was watching her facial

expressions up close and personal, and then I looked

down and saw my husband's face pressed to Amma. His

eyes were closed, and his expression was blissful. I

started crying, seeing my husband there, receiving

Amma's love. True, she was talking to the man next to

me, but every time my husband pulled back a little

bit, she pulled him closer. This was no accident! She

muttered in his ear to stop worrying, and called him

her beloved son, and that he should not worry. She

then applied sandalwood paste to his forehead and

released him and hugged me. She said "daughter" over

and over in my ear and then put our hands together

again and kissed them and threw flower petals on us. I

almost wasn't given my prasad, but someone shoved it

in my hand. We stood up and picked each other's

glasses from the basket (we must have looked really

funny, all shaken and unable to see, and exchanging

glasses – typical comedy movie move!) and went to the

other side of the room. I hugged my husband and asked

him what she said, and he told me, and I smiled and

hugged him for a long time.

 

With love,

Erica