You Gotta Be...........

[Guest guest]

Fri, 16 Nov 2001 21:34:54 -0800

(Recipient list suppressed)

jmw (Wirth, Jim - jmw)

You Gotta Be...........

Qualifications for being a good liberal.

 

1. You have to believe the AIDS virus is spread by the lack of Federal

funding.

 

2. You have to believe that the same teacher who can't teach 4th graders

how to read is somehow qualified to teach the

same kids about sex.

 

3. You have to believe that guns in the hands of law-abiding Americans are

more of a threat than U.S. Nuclear weapons

technology in the hands of Chinese communists.

 

4. You have to believe that there was no art before Federal funding.

 

5. You have to believe that global temperatures are less affected by

cyclical, documented changes in the earth's climate,

and more affected by yuppies driving SUV's.

 

6. You have to believe that gender roles are artificial but being

homosexual is natural.

 

7. You have to be against capital punishment but support abortion on demand.

 

8. You have to believe that businesses create oppression and governments

create prosperity.

 

9. You have to believe that hunters don't care about nature, but looney

activists who have never been outside Seattle do.

 

10. You have to believe that self-esteem is more important than actually

doing something to earn it.

 

11. You have to believe that the military, not corrupt politicians, start

wars.

 

12. You have to believe the NRA is bad because it supports certain parts of

the constitution, while the ACLU is good,

because it supports certain parts of the Constitution.

 

13. You have to believe that taxes are too low, but ATM fees are too high.

 

14. You have to believe that Margaret Sanger and Gloria Steinem are more

important to American history than Thomas

Jefferson, General Robert E. Lee, or Thomas Edison.

 

15. You have to believe that standardized tests are racist, but racial

quotas and set-asides aren't.

 

16. You have to believe Hillary Clinton is really a lady.

 

17. You have to believe that the only reason socialism hasn't worked

anywhere it's been tried, is because the right

people haven't been in charge.

 

18. You have to believe conservatives telling the truth belong in jail, but

a liar and a sex offender belongs in the White

House.

 

19. You have to believe that homosexual parades displaying drag,

transvestites and bestiality should be Constitutionally

protected and manger scenes at Christmas should be illegal.

 

20. You have to believe that illegal Democratic party funding by the

Chinese is somehow in the best interest of the

United States.

 

21. You have to believe that anyone who beats you in an intellectual

arguments is a bigot.

 

And finally...

 

22. You have to believe Richard Nixon obstructed justice by having an 18 ½

minute gap in one tape of his recorded

conversations and that it was an innocent mistake that one year's worth of

Al Gore's e-mails got erased.