Missing Datta Peetham

[Guest guest]

Dearest Datta Family,

 

I recently returned to the US after a four month stay at Datta

Peetham. Upon leaving the West in December, I thought I was going to

India to do a scientific research project in Bangalore. The names

"Sri Swamiji" and "Datta Peetham" were unknown to me. However, only

72 hours after arriving in Delhi from the US I found myself in Mysore

at the lotus feet of Sri Swamiji. Rather than going back to Bangalore

as planned, I stayed with Swamiji for the entire duration I was in

India. Finally, after 30 years of living on this planet without

being able to put a name to That which had given me life, guided my

entire being and had loved me for an eternity, I now had a form, a

face, and a name - Sri Ganapathi Sachchidananda. Although I lived

very near the places Swamiji would visit when in the US on tour (in

New Orleans near the Baton Rouge Center and then in Los Angeles near

Kali Ray), Swamiji waited until I was 30 years old for our meeting to

occur - any sooner and I would have dropped absolutely everthing to

be at Swamiji's feet. However, as my All-Knowing Sadguru and perfect

guide, Swamiji waited to call me Home until my karmically tied

educational process was safely completed.

 

While in India, Swamiji for me was truly the Silent Teacher. In a

way that only a true Avatar and Sadguru can do, Swamiji took me on an

experiential journey of Truths that prior to this I had known only as

theory and concept, if at all. The amazing thing was that although

these experiences felt so personal, looking into the glimmering eyes

of my Datta brothers and sisters, it was clear that they had also

been to these types of places with Swamiji. At times Swamiji even

seemed to speak through His devotees, giving us either the experience

of loosing our "selves" so that we could momentarily merge with the

Self, or of being the recipient of a much needed message to help us

in our process of Surrendering. Although I didn't even know the

names of some of my brothers and sisters, it was clear that many of

us had been traveling together for lifetimes. To have had such deep

levels of commonly shared experience was for me, as a Westerner

raised in the material world, the fulfillment of a lifetime of

yearning for reunion with my country, my people, and the Forgotten

Knowledge that only my Sadguru's Grace could rekindle.

 

So through His Grace I was able to spend nearly four months with

Swamiji, both in Mysore and in Northern India. Every moment was as

precious as the rarest diamond - really. Swamiji was the unceasing

Conductor of the most Divine Orchestra, and the music He created was

like water to my dried and dusty soul. Like the breath giving life

to the flute, moment after unfolding moment Sri Swamiji gave life to

me.

 

When the day came that I realized it was time to return to the West,

it was like a bomb dropping from the sky. Just as suddenly as

Swamiji had called me Home, He was sending me back to "do my

duties." Although Swamiji had done so much to cultivate my

"spiritual" eyes and ears during my time at Datta Peetham and

discourage me from attaching to His physical form, in the last days I

verbally asked Swamiji why my karma was such that I would need to go

back to the West to carry out my "duties" when I felt as much a

part of Datta Peetham as the blades of grass growing in His garden.

Swamiji merely replied "Why do you breath in and out?" and then with

one last loving smile He ended our interview.

 

Upon leaving Datta Peetham for the US, I convinced myself that going

back to the US would be "fun" - I would be on a secret mission of

sorts, providing care to my patients with complete Surrender, thereby

availing my body and mind to become an empty focal point for Sri

Swamiji's work.

 

Now back in the US almost seven weeks, I must admit that things

haven't been so easy. Once again I am seeing the world and its

events through that dual state of awareness I had so much begged

Swamiji to help me leave behind. Ironically, my desires and

attachments to the things that I love the most, Swamiji and Datta

Peetham, have only served to create even more separation. Not a day

goes by that I don't recall ashram memories such as the sound of the

cow's bell at 5AM as Tata walked Her towards the temple to be milked;

or the perfectly silent body of Sri Swamiji as he sat in front of

Rajarajeshwari meditating during the Sri Chakra Puja; or the

intoxicating smell of the flowers as my "Auntie" in the book store

wove garlands for Dattatreya; or the belting voice of my favorite

little bhajan singer as she sang her 12 year old heart out in Praise

of Lord Datta ; or the full yellow moon that would rise over Chamundi

Hill as devotees dropped to their knees in prayer murmuring "Datta"

and "Shiva" under their breath; or the shining eyes and quick smiles

of my brothers and sisters as they went about the ashram in service

to Sri Swamiji; or of my little brother serving me up one more dollup

of the spiciest dhal saying "Mmmmm... Madame, you must eat - its

very, very, tasty."

 

So, now back in the US, teachings which I thought I finally "had"

seem to have slipped through my fingers once again. I long to be

"there" in Datta Peetham rather than "here" in the US. I long to be

"there" with Swamiji rather than "here" in the material world. My

Datta home feels so far "away" while I feel so alone "here."

Inspired by these feelings of separation, I have come to realize that

the golden link or cord between "Swamiji in Datta Peetham" and

"Susheela in California" is the daily practice of puja, pranayama,

meditation, and yoga. This practice is what brings my Sadguru's eyes

alive as I look at His picture and as we connect in my "mind's eye;"

and this practice is what keeps me connected to Swamiji's Message,

rather than my pre-practice "technique" of foraging about for

spiritual Truths like a blind man looking for a needle in a hay

stack. Swamiji always says that if you take one step towards Him, He

will take 10 towards you. This has really been my experience. I can

usually go one day without doing my practices and remain connected.

Two days and I'm on shaky grounds, three days and the power is out

and I'm left gropping about in the dark again. However, once I

muster up the discipline to sit down again, Swamiji is right there

waiting for me.

 

While at Datta Peetham I prayed for Moksha so ferverently to Sri

Swamiji. I prayed to live in that permanent state of non-dual

awareness where there is no separation from Swamiji, no

differentiation between "here and there," and no perception of

"better or worse" or "past or future." I prayed for freedom from the

bondages of these wordly desires and attachments and prayed not to be

attached to the "fruits of my actions" as I ventured out into the

world to serve Swamiji while residing in my Self, rather than my

"self." While in Elluru with Swamiji I was one of the few "angels"

(foreigener's) in the audience. Over the entire course of the trip

the only words that Swamiji said in English were "Patience is the

Greatest Penance." Now half way around the world, these are words

that I try and hold on to as I feel myself slipping in and out of "t-

mail" with Swamiji and in and out of anger for having a karmic

inheritence which demands that I stay here and serve in the West

rather than where "I" want to. With these pervasive feelings of

separation and duality, I can only pray to Sri Swamiji that he will

guide me to experientially realize that Swamiji, Datta Peetham, and

my Datta family are "in here" rather than "out there."

 

Please do write back with any thoughts, advice, or personal

experiences you'd be willing to share. I looked through all of the

messages on the board in our , and was so happy to find

that there were a few personal experiences that people had written

about. It was such a relief to find an extension of our Datta family

in cyberspace. It would be so wonderful if people could post more

about personal stories and experiences, not only as a tribute to our

Beloved Sadguru, but also in order to share the joys, trials and

tribulations that come with having such a great Avatar as our Leader

and Guide. If you live in the Los Angeles area, please let me know!

 

Jai Guru Datta,

 

Susheela