Will and 12 Steps-Aquarian Times Article

[Guest guest]

Dear Sukhmani Kaur,

 

I will definitely read this. Thanks. Do you have this article available to

send to the group to read?

 

 

Here it is,

Peace, Love and Light, Sukhmani

From Addiction to Acceptance

There may be others who have undergone traditional treatment for addiction

simultaneously with studying to become a Kundalini Yoga teacher, but I am

inclined to think my experience is unique.

How I developed into an addict to alcohol is a long story, undoubtedly one

that crosses lifetimes I don't remember, but this article is not about that.

It's about finding a way beyond the Piscean philosophy that makes "I am an

alcoholic" a personal mantra and "succeeds" by keeping people sick, and onto an

Aquarian path, the focus of which is not to be "in recovery", but to heal.

 

To put it succinctly and bluntly, I had bouts of depression combined with

binge drinking. In 1998, after one such binge, I went into a traditional

treatment center, in a vain attempt to save my marriage. I had only been doing

Kundalini Yoga about 9 months the first time I read the 12 steps of Alcoholic

Anonymous. That yogic experience, together with some counseling from a spiritual

teacher who opened my mind to new ways of looking at the Universe and a

binge-induced coma that left me with the certain knowledge that I had an eternal

soul, was enough to make me recognize a bunch of Piscean lies when I saw them.

"Powerless?God a 'Higher Power'-out there somewhere?Character defects?"

"Incurable?" Stop! God and Me, Me and God are One. I am all powerful in spirit.

I am His/Her Perfect Creation. Western science may not be able to cure me, but

God can heal anything!

 

Thus, I quickly recognized the fallacy which underlies traditional treatment

and why it fails more people than it helps: it operates on acceptance of one's

self as permanently and incurably sick.

 

However, I did go back. In June of 1999, my world finished falling apart; my

entire life as I'd known it was gone. My uncontrollable drinking had begun with

my mother's long struggle with lung cancer and her agonizing death. That was

followed by the death of my marriage, and finally, the death of my employer and

life-long friend by yet another cancer. There was nothing left to live for. So I

drank. And wound up in a long-term treatment facility, which I'll call PARC. As

soon as I got there and came out of the haze a little, I was on the telephone to

my local teacher, asking her to find me a Yoga-based treatment center.

 

In the meantime, I did my best to use what was available, searching for the

answer to my own desire to self-destruct and trying to make sense of the 12

steps, mostly by separating "ego" from "spirit." Ego may be powerless and

defective, spirit is not. Find the God within, connect with the spirit, and

overcome ego. But there was that constant stream of negativity, "I am an

alcoholic, powerless, defective, incurable." After ten weeks, following a group

session during which my counselor called me "mean and evil," I walked out. That

was one lie too many. If that was therapy, I was done with it. But I wasn't.

 

More relapses and more traditional treatment followed, and it failed me every

time. I had always believed, in what I now know was my intuitive mind, that

addiction was a symptom, not a cause. It was a means of escape, of avoiding the

pain that dwelt so slightly below the surface.

 

Traditional treatment could not free me from that pain. Its methods for

addressing the emotional pain of addiction sufferers are limited, operating

almost entirely on the mind alone. The primary treatment tool is talk: group

therapy, individual counseling, verbal confrontation, and confession. Diet is

ignored; addictions to caffeine, sugar and nicotine are accepted, almost

encouraged. Yoga is an unknown and unused tool; at PARC, I had to get special

permission to do yoga as my morning exercise routine. Though the twelve steps

advocate prayer and meditation, "meditation" is a vague and undefined term, not

an advanced technology for achieving spiritual growth.

 

Though the need for "spirituality" is recognized, counselors struggle with how

to teach it. Of course, spirituality isn't like arithmetic. It can't be taught

with words and learned by rote memorization; it must be experienced. A teacher's

job is to teach the tools to achieve that experience. I knew all this in the

summer of '99, but hadn't yet found my own path to healing.

 

Plans had been made, early in 1999, for a group of seven of us from our little

town of Houma, Louisiana, to make the journey to Austin over the 10-month period

it took to achieve teacher certification. The first trip was in October. Even

while at PARC, I planned to go. For the first trip, I was "in recovery"; that

is, in a period of sobriety. My journey had begun. Two relapses followed, but I

bounced back and kept going. The pull to become a teacher was strong; stronger

even than my addiction. In January of 2000 came a post-Christmas binge, and this

time I knew traditional treatment was no answer. My local teacher had been told

of a teacher and healer in Austin, Amrit Sadhana Kaur, who was willing to work

with me. I would stay at the Austin ashram a few days and work with her.

 

My few days turned into two weeks. And those two weeks did what months of

traditional treatment failed to do-I found a path to heal. Through Amrit

Sadhana's healing gifts, and with the help of an ashram family that gave me a

protected and healthy environment, and was wise enough not to judge, but to

recognize the process at work in me and give me time, space and encouragement, I

began the task of releasing my pain, and with it, my need and desire to drink.

And in May of 2000, I was certified as a Kundalina Yoga teacher.

 

In my desperate state of mind that January, I wrote to Yogi Bhajan, telling

him of my addiction, asking for answers. His personal response made no mention

of addiction or alcohol, but focused on overcoming the negativity of my mind.

Though I'd never met him, I knew that he knew me, that he understood my struggle

and its true cause, and that his prayers were with me. The letter stays on my

altar, and continues to be my guide.

 

The process of healing was, and is, hard work. The Medical Meditation for

Breaking Addiction is a physically and mentally challenging one, and I have

undertaken a 1000-day task. (I recently made it past the one-year mark !) Amrit

Sadhana prescribes meditations and yoga sets for me, as well as continuing her

healing sessions and, sometimes, just listening to me moan and groan. She

challenges me when necessary and even laughs at me at times, which helps put

things in perspective. "Altitude, not attitude," Yogi Bhajan tells us.

 

In those early sessions with Amrit Sadhana, I came to understand more fully

that emotional pain dwells, not just in the mind, but in every cell of our

being. We may not always know its source. Years of psychotherapy may not be able

to bring us to an understanding of it, and releasing it, a necessary part of

healing, does not come from understanding alone. Yogic technology is cellular

work; through it, we can learn to release our pain, our fear, our anger, at a

level that runs much deeper than the mind.

 

I know many people who found Kundalina Yoga after years of success in AA and

who use both in pursuing their spiritual path. I accept that AA and KY can be

compatible for some. But not for me; my logical mind could not accept Piscean

negativity and follow the Aquarian path. God, I believe, wanted me to be a

teacher of the new path, without attachment to the old.

 

I teach now at our local yoga center, and also as a volunteer at a local

half-way house for recovering addicts. This is my most important work at the

moment. I know where they are. I've been there. I know their struggle. I've

experienced it. I know the philosophy being taught to them, both the good and

bad of it.

 

It is sometimes a challenge to teach them Aquarian truths, without stepping on

the philosophical toes of those good people willing to allow me to bring

Kundalini Yoga to these men and women. I must still learn to combine KY with AA,

at least to some degree. (But isn't that the wonder of being a Kundalini Yoga

teacher? Show up, tune in, then let God do the teaching-you can't go wrong!) As

for the students, I am always surprised and grateful for their willingness to do

the work. The vast majority are totally ignorant of yogic technology when they

come to class, but most react favorably. I see in many that the work has struck

that inner chord which can ultimately lead to healing.

 

My message to those suffering from addiction is simple. Accept your true self,

not your addiction. Accept your spirit, not the bounds of ego. Give yourself

love, not shame and guilt.

 

Commit to your healing, not to your sickness. Express your intent to heal, do

the work, and the rest will come.

 

 

 

 

 

[Guest guest]

Sat Nam, Sukhmani Kaur

I have read you're article: From Addiction to Acceptance - Thank You for

sharing that with us.

 

In regard to AA living the Piscean philosophy, would there be any

possibility of sharing details with us? Such details as what "The Big

Book" says in contrast to the Aquarian path. In this way, the gaps can be

filled in before it becomes a question in our students' head.

..

ie. Because Meditation is a scary word for many, as well as extremely vague

in many traditions, we could "fill in the gaps" with the Yogic definition

and reasoning. This could then be coupled with a quote from something like

"Twenty Four Hours a Day. Sept. 15th: Meditation for the Day -[ In

quietness and confidence shall be your strength] Confidence means to have

faith in something. We could not live without confidence in others. When

you have confidence in God's grace, you can face whatever comes. When you

have confidence in God's love, you can be serene and at peace. You can

rest in the faith that God will take care of you. Try to rest in God's

presence until His life powers flow through you. Be still and in that

stillness the still, small Voice will come. It speaks in quietness to the

human mind that is attuned to it's influence."

 

In my view, that page is simply expressing the fact that: in Meditation we

become one with God - Within. And of course Meditation is a mighty fine

way for this Self Realization to occur.

 

Of course some people don't believe in the same name of God that you and I

may believe in. They may consider the Divine to be Mother Nature, of whom

rests right in the Heart Cave - Within.

 

The people who come through our Yoga room doors will be ready to hear those

words, while being comfortable with the 12 steps work group held

afterwords. I am confident this will eventually turn out very well.

 

We can bring clarification and still the chaos in many people. And at the

same time we will benefit from this Service to God.

 

Humbly, Bhagavati