RE: Teaching KY/feeling unworthy

[Guest guest]

Sat Nam Guruprem,

 

Thank you for your encouragement and words of wisdom regarding my feeling of

unworthiness to teach KY.

 

I feel that I am a good teacher: I am always very well prepared for class; I

have never once in the four years I have taught KY arrived late for class;

and I spend time before each class strengthening my aura and getting

centered. I receive a lot of positive feedback from students, and my classes

are continuing to grow. Plus, according to numerology, and four

numerologists, my path is to be a teacher. I love teaching Kundalini Yoga,

and it is very fulfilling to watch students grow and benefit from this

wonderful technology. It has been a life-changing experience for me.

 

But my feeling of unworthiness comes from self-criticism of my day to day

actions and lifestyle. For example: I drink a glass of wine with dinner

occasionally, and I don't abuse it, but it is still not yogic; I am not very

disciplined to do my sadhana lately (I was doing at least a 2 hour sadhana

every day), but now I always seem to find other things to distract me; and I

sometimes use my words as weapons, although I am doing much better. I want

to teach from my heart instead of from my head, and this is a major challenge

for me. In addition, I am now out of shape because I am not doing my sadhana

faithfully, and I have health problems that a yoga teacher shouldn't have! I

am sure that you have heard of the expression: "If you talk the talk, then

you must walk the walk." And, I don't feel I walk the walk as a yoga teacher

should. (I know I keep using the word, "should," too.) I sometimes don't

feel that I am spiritually evolved enough to teach KY. I have blocks that I

am continuing to work on. However, I know that if I continue doing my

sadhana, that I will continue to grow. After all, I am funneling this

information to students as a spiritual being having a human experience.

This, I must keep in mind, especially when a friend or family member asks me

if I should teach KY if I don't exude the qualities (i.e., inner peace,

flexibility) I tell students that KY will develop.

 

Last year, I tried to abandon my KY practice, and I explored other spiritual

paths, but I was called back. I think I had to step back to integrate my

experiences and knowledge. I ALWAYS receive validation that this is my path.

But, I have some internal battle in regard to doing what I NEED to do, and

make it something I WANT to do. I WANT to teach--I love it, but I feel I

must WANT to do what it takes to become a person worthy of delivering this

technology.

 

The animal path led me to the yoga path, and I now realize that they balance

each other. I feel they are actually the same path.

 

I hope I am making sense...I am probably over analyzing this. The answer

that comes to me is: MEDITATE, work on my third (and sixth) chakra, and be

fully present in the now.

 

Blessings,

Pam/Nirmal

 

 

 

[Guest guest]

Dear Nirmal Kaur (& everyone listening),

 

Sat Nam. Bless you! (& Bless you all!)...

 

I'm very pleased that my comments were of some use to you.

You sound as though you are quite an EXCELLENT teacher!

Please forgive me if somehow I implied anything else...

 

It sounds as though you are already doing a lot of things RIGHT

as far as being prepared, being early, strenthening your aura,

and so on. Do try the "making the room your own" by walking

around THROUGHOUT IT before hand, if you haven't yet -- it may

seem almost a little silly, but it really works to get rid

of the whole self-judgement thing of thinking of yourself as

unworthy at the start of a class. You ARE worthy!!!

 

Now on to your second large paragraph. You begin the whole

thing with the word "But" -- which in effect negates everything

you've said before, at least in the linguistic sense. This is

a crucial thing to get -- that even though your first parapgraph

demonstrates your sincerity, your attention to duty as a teacher

and everything, it is the second large paragraph which describes

what you really think deep inside. And again forgive me, for you

are clearly AWARE of this dichotmomy, and it vexes you! And you

are being incredibly BRAVE to "air your dilemma" as you have. I

have been a student of Yogi Bhajan's since 1972, and in all those

years, PRECIOUS FEW of my 3HO friends have had the courage to say

openly the kinds of very private "inner things" you have described.

Please give yourself a LOT of credit for your total honesty and

courage!

 

Here's a kind of meditation Yogi Ji once recommend we do

to bring balance to an overactive negative mind:

 

Eliminate the word "but" and ALL other negative or negating

words such as "no,however,yet,still," or of course

contractions such as "can't" etc. from your vocabulary (spoken

or written) for ONE SOLID WEEK.

 

I've done it. It takes steady concentration and a high-level of

continuous personal awareness. You will be absolutely amazed at

the results though -- it will totally change your life.

 

I suspect the reason he didn't tell us to do it for the

standard "life-changing" 40 days was that everybody around

us might begin to suspect we'd gone crazy! So a little

goes a long way... In any event it helps you understand --

on a very deep level -- the true power of your Word.

 

As to the rest, well I might as well jump in with both feet!

If you haven't taken vows as a Sikh (within which you promise to

abstain from any intoxicants) you are doing nothing wrong to

indulge yourself with an occasional glass of wine. Good wine

has been one of life's distinct pleasures for millenia. It has

even been discussed in the scientific literature as having

positive health benefits in the quantity you mention. "Even

Yogi Ji" has prescribed at least one healing remedy which

included brandy as a deliberate ingredient. (I remember how

shocked I was at first!) We are speaking of theraputic use

of course, not the sledge hammer of drinking anything to the

point of drunkenness. All things in moderation! Your desire

to enjoy wine may also decline with time.

 

So on this score at least, you need not be so hard on yourself.

An infrequent single glass of wine will certainly not hurt you,

and it may even be good for you. And I'm sure Gurucharan Singh

could dig up that healing remedy which included a bit of brandy;

it was given to us at Hargobind Sadan, where Gurucharan Singh

was the Director...

 

Also, just because you indulge yourself now and then doesn't mean

you're not a yogi! A yogi/yogini is someone who practices yoga.

There are plenty of yogis in India who spend a good deal of their

time stoned on "bhang" -- hashish. That doesn't make what they

are doing to themselves wise, but it doesn't mean they are not yogis.

There is a price to be paid for every ride, and the question is this:

is the ride worth the price? One can only answer this question oneself.

 

Of course if you're going to TEACH others purportedly "the best way

to live" well then you're probably not going to advise people to go

get stoned all the time! It's all relative. And you never know WHAT

will bring a person "to God." (I am among a small crowd who actually

believes to the extent that certain mild, relatively non-addictive

mind-altering chemicals such as marijuana or LSD can "open one's eyes,"

that they serve a sacred purpose in the Grand Scheme of things. They

certainly did for ME once upon a time, over 30 years ago. I certainly

would not have appreciated what Yogi Ji brought to America if I hadn't

discovered ALREADY that "there's more to Reality than meets the Eye.")

 

In any case, let me add that Carl Jung, the famous psychologist,

described EVEN alcoholism as a primitive search for God. And Alan

Watts, the famous philosopher didn't make any secret of his drinking.

It's just that once your eyes have been opened, there may be healthier

ways to commune with the Divine. That's where we are incredibly

fortunate to have the technology of Kundalini yoga -- through which

it is possible to get higher than one can ever get on drugs, and

sustainably so. I speak from personal experience... even

though the bliss comes and goes... "D'oh!"

 

On the matter of using words as weapons -- you are already halfway

to solving that problem merely by being able to recognize it as

you do it. And even Yogi Ji says some pretty "hard" things as he

plays out his Saturn teacher role with his famous "poke, provoke, &

elevate" method of confronting the ego.

 

Please just understand that your life has a certain "momentum" to it.

It is not easy to make the kinds of changes we are all trying so

valiantly to make! It takes years of serious practice to make a

DENT in the habits of a lifetime. Sadhana is certainly the most

powerful approach -- and the most difficult -- because one's ego

somehow knows perfectly well that sadhana is designed to "overcome"

it, or more intelligently to put it in the background where it belongs.

That's why one of our 3HO mantras is "Keep up!" -- IT'S HARD!!!

 

So fight the good fight. Sometimes your higher self will win the

battle, sometimes your ego will win. Just keep up anyway, as best

you can. You already know this, plainly, from what you've written.

 

Oh, and even if all you do on a particular morning is to sit up,

raise your arms to the sky and chant "Whae Guru" twice, that still

technically counts as a sadhana, and it's better than doing nothing!

2 1/2 hours of serious practice every single day is a tall order,

and the number of people in 3HO who have maintained a perfect sadhana

for years at a time can be counted on the fingers of one hand.

 

I say add another plain ol' American mantra: "Give yourself a break!"

to take the pressure off. None of us is perfect. Spiritual progress

takes WORK, or it wouldn't be called progress. Being "down" on

oneself is unfortunately natural in this (Western) culture,

because of the way parenting is usually done (criticism).

 

So just keep up as best you can, and FORGIVE YOURSELF!

You're doing SPECTACULARLY WELL from MY perspective!!!

 

The fact that you get positive feedback from your students

and that your classes are growing are both an objective

testament to your success as a teacher.

 

And don't worry: the teachings will not be tainted by

your shortcomings, real or imagined. If anything, your

struggle will help to keep you humble, and your human

honesty and openness with your students WILL inspire them

"despite yourself" ...

 

Hang in there. You're doing much better than you think!

 

gs

 

P.S. ALL of you on this mailing list are doing much better

than you think!

 

 

( all re: PamENixon having written... )

 

>Sat Nam Guruprem,

>

>Thank you for your encouragement and words of wisdom regarding my feeling of

>unworthiness to teach KY.

>

>I feel that I am a good teacher: I am always very well prepared for class; I

>have never once in the four years I have taught KY arrived late for class;

>and I spend time before each class strengthening my aura and getting

>centered. I receive a lot of positive feedback from students, and my classes

>are continuing to grow. Plus, according to numerology, and four

>numerologists, my path is to be a teacher. I love teaching Kundalini Yoga,

>and it is very fulfilling to watch students grow and benefit from this

>wonderful technology. It has been a life-changing experience for me.

>

>But my feeling of unworthiness comes from self-criticism of my day to day

>actions and lifestyle. For example: I drink a glass of wine with dinner

>occasionally, and I don't abuse it, but it is still not yogic; I am not very

>disciplined to do my sadhana lately (I was doing at least a 2 hour sadhana

>every day), but now I always seem to find other things to distract me; and I

>sometimes use my words as weapons, although I am doing much better. I want

>to teach from my heart instead of from my head, and this is a major challenge

>for me. In addition, I am now out of shape because I am not doing my sadhana

>faithfully, and I have health problems that a yoga teacher shouldn't have! I

>am sure that you have heard of the expression: "If you talk the talk, then

>you must walk the walk." And, I don't feel I walk the walk as a yoga teacher

>should. (I know I keep using the word, "should," too.) I sometimes don't

>feel that I am spiritually evolved enough to teach KY. I have blocks that I

>am continuing to work on. However, I know that if I continue doing my

>sadhana, that I will continue to grow. After all, I am funneling this

>information to students as a spiritual being having a human experience.

>This, I must keep in mind, especially when a friend or family member asks me

>if I should teach KY if I don't exude the qualities (i.e., inner peace,

>flexibility) I tell students that KY will develop.

>

>Last year, I tried to abandon my KY practice, and I explored other spiritual

>paths, but I was called back. I think I had to step back to integrate my

>experiences and knowledge. I ALWAYS receive validation that this is my path.

> But, I have some internal battle in regard to doing what I NEED to do, and

>make it something I WANT to do. I WANT to teach--I love it, but I feel I

>must WANT to do what it takes to become a person worthy of delivering this

>technology.

>

>The animal path led me to the yoga path, and I now realize that they balance

>each other. I feel they are actually the same path.

>

>I hope I am making sense...I am probably over analyzing this. The answer

>that comes to me is: MEDITATE, work on my third (and sixth) chakra, and be

>fully present in the now.

>

>Blessings,

>Pam/Nirmal

>

 

 

 

 

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[Guest guest]

Why the self-judgment? Life lessons are bringing you to a place of

understanding and compassion. The students you teach have issues and need to

be respected as they are today and not in the ideals that they seek.

 

As a teacher myself in Hatha yoga, I know that I am a work in process and

different from but not any "better" than any of the students. We all have

something to offer each other. We also learn from our students as well as

from our peers and other more advanced teachers.

 

Peace as you continue to follow your own unique path.

Namaste!

Vanessa

[Guest guest]

Kundalini Yoga is more difficult to teach than Hatha.

 

Why is it more difficult to teach Kundalini Yoga than to teach other forms of

yoga?

 

A teacher who does not have a beam of energy within himself cannot teach it.

That is the first fundamental. As a teacher of Kundalini yoga, you

should be established at a certain steady level of consciousness to pull all the

people up to that level. If you do not have that link of

consciousness, the golden link, and the spark of awareness, then you can only

instruct in darkness. You could come and I could give you a bunch of

powerful and elegant exercises. You would feel good. However, when I then talk

about life and humanity and the total sum of existence and

consciousness, I have to feel that magnetism come out of me. My reality and

confirmed consciousness must be present to act as a guide and compass.

If I can't give you that, there is nothing to pull you to that new level.

Kundalini yoga is the master science of experience and awareness. It is

a transmission of consciousness from person to person. It is a Raj Yoga that

awakens you inside. That is the basic difference between Hatha and

Kundalini yoga

 

 

 

YogamasterV wrote:

 

> As a teacher myself in Hatha yoga, I know that I am a work in process and

> different from but not any "better" than any of the students. We all have

> something to offer each other. We also learn from our students as well as

> from our peers and other more advanced teachers.

[Guest guest]

I have enjoyed this thread, I have the utmost respect for anyone

teaching kundalini, bravo! I live in an area were I do not have any

kundalini teachers, everything I have learned is from reading and the

website and this list. I have only been doing this since last December

and I have only done the spinal set, which I can now do much easier and

actually enjoy for an hour each morning. I wish there was a way to

attend a class or two, I suddenly look forward to visiting friends in

Boston and DC again!

 

My boyfriend started getting up early and doing exercises with me this

weekend. Today was amusing, I was feeling very irritated, he was joking

and making fun of everything, rolling his eyes, etc. While I should have

been concentrating on my "sat nam breathing" I was actually fuming and

composing an argument in my head;-) My pelvic rotations were like

"stirring a cauldron"! I told him that he was ruining it for me.

 

Then a "thought" hit me: "well, wasn't that compassionate!" I "stirred

my cauldron" until I was calm again and then started calmly kneeling

next to him as I helped him into each exercise and then I started mine.

He was able to stop early and rest longer until I was done. I think I

owe this list for my compassion-attack, you all sound like wonderful

teachers. My first thought after meditating was about those of your who

feel unworthy! At least you don't yell at your students and tell them

they are ruining it for you;-) like I did to my partner.

 

sat nam

 

-cris

 

Cris Naugle

SpiralXdesign, Inc

http://www.spiralxdesign.com

 

Walk in Beauty