Tried and Tryng

[Guest guest]

Sat Nam ya'll,

Well I am by no means the "Party Boy" I once was, but I do enjy going out

and playing with the old gang.

No, last night was MUCH more about being incomfortable in my own body

because of the body-memory problems I was having. I walked, I talked, I chanted

and I stretched, but all to no seeeming avail. It was NOT a happy time to be IN

my body. The only good thing about drugs and alcohol in these situations is -

it works. By the time I got to bed, the "hoses" where gone, but while the

mental picture still lies rather thickly upon my mind, I'm still feeling some of

this in my body, and it's all binging up the fear and humiliation attachd to

that evening. All I can do os try to keep focused on the idea that these things

were done to me to save my life - that alone makes it having been worth going

through.

ANy suggesstions as to how I get past this next time? I prefer not to use

drugs. I know that I cannot expect NEVER to ancounter this again, but with time

I know it will lessen. I learned that I can endure this body-memory for about 2

hours at a time before I start looking for a "quick fix" to the problem.

IF this look like an addiction problem - maybe it's an addiction to NOT

feeling rotten. Thelessons I've learned so far are all about staying in you

body, experiencing the feelings and not bisssing so far out that I lose the

physical connecction. Isn't that right?

 

Whatever the answer is in all this - I don't want to "Let Go" before the

Miracle happens.

 

Sat NAm, Leo