smiling buddha progress

[Guest guest]

Well I'm about 2.5 weeks away from completing my 40 days. When I

first began this med, I started at 11 minutes and was surprised at

how easy it was on my arms. I thought I would be really straining.

But I didn't want to over-do it in the beginning. So I stuck with 11,

figuring I'll increase it in a few weeks. I'm not sure what's going

on, but I haven't been able to extend it beyond 11 minutes. I thought

that my arms would get used to the position and I could extend the

time, but the opposite is happening. My arms, particularly at the

should area just ache. I find myself glancing at the clock only 6-7

minutes into the med. By the time 11 rolls around, my muscles are

really hurting. Not sure how to explain that. But I'll let you all

know if I succeed in the 40 days.

 

Christa

[Guest guest]

I'm not sure if this is related to the Smiling Buddha med I'm doing

or not. But I had a very interesting realizaton last night while

laying in bed. I remember when I wrote the first post last night, I

hadn't noticed any changes since starting the med that I could put

into the post. But I didn't think too much else about it. Then,

laying in bed last night, I had this loosely connected stream of

thoughts run through my mind. It began with a flash back to a scene

with my father (there are several memories that have remained very

vivid in my mind -- its amazing how some seemingly insignificant

words can stick with children).

 

I had posted a few months back about my father's alcohol abuse. This

made him very verbally abusive, though not really physically abusive.

The first scene that popped into my mind was one in which he was

taunting me and belittling me -- but he was laughing because he

thought it was funny. There were a few other similar scenes. As I

remembered them, they didn't affect me this time like they usually

did. I was more indifferent to them than anything else. And as I

remembered the taunting he was doing in the first scene, it suddenly

reminded me of a dream I had had several weeks ago.

 

The dream has a Star Wars theme (and while I do like the movie, I

hadn't seen it in years). I was basically being taught by Darth

Vader, in a type of school that he ran. Somehow I didn't feel like I

belonged there, but out of some twisted sense of loyalty to him, I

left the 'light' side and began training with him in the 'dark side'

of the force. (feel free to chuckle, I know it sounds silly -- its a

dream!) Anyways, stuff happens in the dream to make me realize I just

cannot stay there anymore. The only way I can leave is to face the

emperor.

 

Finally I'm in a room with Darth and the Emperor. No one else is

around. The emperor is taunting and belittling me. I hear him, but

don't believe anything he says. His words just seem to roll off of

me. I'm holding a light saver, I think, and so is the Emperor, but

they aren't 'on'. We don't physically fight each other. I simply

stand there and listen to him as he throws insults at me. I look at

Darth and tell him I'm going to use ..... some mystical phrase that I

don't remember. Darth's yells as loud as he can NO! I don't listen

and look back at the Emperor. He's challenging me to do it. He

doesn't believe that I will. I say very loudly and with great

confidence ....... something that I'm fairly certain was in another

language, although it made perfect sense to me at the time. As soon

as I say that phrase everything goes completely black and I'm

immediately dressed all in white. My light saver is now a double-end

light saver and the light on both sides is white and glowing very

strong, but not bright and painful. Also, rings of light, almost like

a coil, come up directly from underneath me. I get the sensation that

there's movement. But I can't tell if I'm moving up or down or if the

floor is moving. Next, the movement stops and a door opens. I step

through the door, everything is white and there is light shining down

some stairs. A person I know from the 'light side' (I think my old

mentor or guide) is standing near the bottom step smiling very warmly

at me, as if in approval. He's welcoming me back. I look up at him

and walk towards him. He's dressed in a long white robe. Darth looks

out through the door and calls me to come back. I glance back at him

once, but keep walking towards the stairs. I begin to follow the

guide up the stairs. Then I wake up.

 

When I first had the dream, I didn't know what it meant. But the last

part felt very real and important to me. Although I couldn't figure

out why. Then, last night, I realized what had happened. Both Darth

and the Emperor represented aspects of my father. His behaviour was

mimicking my father's behavior in those situations. I allowed myself

to stay in that world, even thought I didn't feel like I belonged,

because of my loyalty/love for my father. I've grown enough in myself

to realize that I am better than that and I don't have to live in

that world. And while I felt sad that Darth couldn't come with me (he

couldn't come through the door) I had no intention of going back. I

think the mentor may have actually been my guide. There was a love

and a familiarity I felt when seeing him, like seeing an old friend

again. It felt like I had just 'passed' a major test.

 

I had this dream only a few days after starting the Smiling Buddha

meditation, so I don't know if it's coincidence or not. But

regardless, that was a significant realization for me to make. And I

wanted to share it in case it is related to the effects of either ky

or the meditation.

 

Christa