Unworthiness but not PSTD related

[Guest guest]

> So..I guess I feel like the only way to validate that I am worthy

of doing

> something is by putting myself through school and telling myself

that I can

> still be something, even if my company felt that I couldn't. Also,

maybe I am

> pushing myself a bit too hard.

 

I can DEFINATELY relate to this feeling, but from a different

standpoint. I don't have PSTD, but I grew up in an alcoholic

environment. There are certain things that I was overly confident in

(basically because I was trying to prove myself right) and other

areas where I would take abuse and rationalize that I don't deserve

better. I attended college for 3 years but had to leave due to lack

of finances to finish. I then went into a job with a verbally abusive

boss that lasted for 3 years. I didn't even realize the situation

until several other people working in the office repeatedly asked

me "why do you take that crap from him."

 

Next I took a job with a boss who was a very nice man. I was actually

very uncomfortable in the position because he was constantly telling

me what a great job I was doing. (to this day I still have a very

difficult time accepting compliments -- in fact I'm more comfortable

if you don't compliment me!). I was with this company for many years.

But the good thing in this situation is that with all of the people

commenting about what a great job I did (clients as well as co-

workers) I eventually began to believe them. Of course, that's the

point at which I was joined with a new group. Which was fine with me.

Except the people I was working with (on an equal level to me) had

degress from Harvard, Yale and Stanford. Talk about intimidating.

Here's me, with only a few years of college, (at a state school) in a

completely different area than what I do now, working side by side

with ivy league graduates. I was extremely uncomfortable and self

conscious at first. But I continued to do my best and whatever came,

came. I found that, even with those degrees, there were a lot of

things they didn't grasp/understand. I ended up teaching them a lot.

But I also learned more than I can describe. I'm now very confident

in my job and what I can offer to my clients. But it was a very long

and rocky path for me. And I wouldn't change one bit of it. I learned

a lot about myself and how I deal with people, both good and bad.

 

I hope this story helps a bit.

 

Christa

[Guest guest]

Christa, as you have learnt so far, people are not good or

better or worst depending on their graduations... not from

the mind standpoint nor from the labor or effectiveness...

 

I come from a very poor family and had to start working

when I was 14.. then I study electronics at night at the

same I worked, I have no graduations at all but now I have

a small electronics company with 10 peolpe and I am very

well recognise in the electronic industri test in my

country.. and yes, yoga help a lot in every sense in your

life.

 

You can be as good as anybiody elses... if want to, no

doubts... and it has nothing to do with graduations but

with your selfsteem, persistance, motivation... and daily

work...

 

We all love you, I am not sorry... this is not a

compliment

 

sat nam

Luis Martin

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[Guest guest]

Sat Nam Christa,

 

Thank you for sharing a bit of your life with me. I, too, am attending a

local college. I really don't have the finanaces to do all this right now

either. I sold my home to stay in school.

 

The work situation that I went through was something I had never experienced

before. What I mean by that is, in life I think when we have a problem, we

have 2 paths to choose from. This was the first time that I felt as if there

was no path to choose from and no way out. That's how I ended up like this.

If I seem a bit obsessed by school, yes, I am. I think it sustains me right

now.

 

I have read a lot of your e-mails and believe me, you are doing great. You

have a very supportive family, you are very bright, and you are doing really

well with ky practice.

 

Yoga does bring out a lot of strange dreams. I have experienced a lot of them

myself.

Thank you again for sharing your stories.

 

Many Blessings,

 

Gina

[Guest guest]

> I didn't even realize the situation

> until several other people working in the office repeatedly asked

> me "why do you take that crap from him."

 

I have to share a dream I had last night. I hadn't thought about this

boss in years, not until I wrote this post yesterday. Well, last

night I had a dream about him. We worked together in an office

building. At one point in the dream, a toilet becomes clogged and

starts to overflow. I yell to him to get the plunger. He hands it to

me, but the toilet has now unclogged itself and is completely empty.

But the floor is wet and there's 2 things of poop laying on the floor

(I know this sounds gross, but bear with me here). He is on his knees

on the floor wiping up the water and picks up one of the pieces of

poop (its firm) without thinking about it. As soon as he does he

realizes what he's holding. He drops it and yells "where has that

been?!" By now, in the dream, I'm laughing so hard I can't speak and

I'm bent over at my side. I have tears in my eyes and I hold out my

hands like "duh" but I'm thinking 'where do you think'. And while I

was laughing too hard to say the words, he says "where do you think"

out loud. I then wake up chuckling to myself. But as I was writing

the dream in my diary, I realized that in the dream, I "didn't take

any crap from him." Of course, I laughed at it again once I got the

meaning.

 

Christa