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Sat Nam Sat Sangeet,

Actually you seemed to have expressed my issue very well. Yes, my body is

often an icky place to be and if I'm not doing something "to" it, I'm not

sure what to do "with" it. There's also an ambient level of fear that

encompasses everything from the Bacteria-Baby to the Dr. saying," Well this

is kinda wacky. We'll run some tests and you go home and don't worry about

it."

Somehow that 'body as an evolutionary tool' idea makes sense to me.

dammit! Even before HIV I tended toward the out-of-body. My 'here' has

rarely been a comfortable place. My experience tells me that as I walk

through these little fires, each makes me become more of MYSELF, despite

how - challenging they may be. Now if I could just get this damn whining

under control. Maybe that's how I'll know I've reach a balanced place with

my karma, I'll quit whining about it! Till that happens, I'm just a limber

dilettante.

I really would like to think there's a whole world of physical sensation

out there I'm not relating to. Funny you mentioned dancing. When I was a

youngster and I felt 'stuck' I'd go out and dance a night away. Of course

now the Tequila and Extract are out, but hmmmmmm. What'd I'd really like is

a nice big pagan bonfire dance! Now that'll shift your focus!

As with most beginners, my lower triangle needs alot of work. I've had to

go slow at that because of some tissue damage that makes certain exercises

either extremely uncomfortable or completely undoable. Normally, I'm

content to take the time it takes. Perhaps I've just become aware enough to

be aware that I'm missing something.

 

Sat Nam, Leo

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