Coming or Going?

[Guest guest]

sat nam, Leo!

 

sounds like you're really hitting a phase of growth in your self-realization!

i wouldn't worry about it, though-most semi-fanatical changes we make on

spiritual paths are just wild-goose changes, and usually mellow out with time

and patience. notice i said USUALLY. have fun with it while it lasts! you

know, until the point when you see that your dog has ripped up a favorite

picture and you twitch and collapse in response-then it may be time to

reevaluate!

love,

--Lisa

 

 

 

[Guest guest]

Sat Nam to everyone!!

 

I don't often post, but I read your emails with great interest and learn a

great deal. Leo, I can really identify with you "embracing" the environment

which you are creating around you. I know what you mean about not wanting

to reveal too much about yourself -- playing your cards close to the vest.

I was that way for years.

 

I have also wanted to respond to the posts about the inner sabateur for I

have dealt with that "demon" for years. Just when I thought I "had it all

together", that voice would pop into my mind. My time in meditation has

centered me and now I can easily discern that voice and command it to be

quiet and be gone. In fact, I refuse to feed it any further energy and am

on alert for its tricks. It knows me well and now I recognize it. It uses

many disguises, but I am on to it now!! In fact, I consciously and

aggresively pray to receive all the light, love and energy it has stolen

from my true self through all directions of time.

 

Leo, your place sounds wonderful and I can picture it in my mind's eye. As

I began to release a bunch of old junk I carried within, I was better able

to reflect my true self, and my surroundings are part of that. I love

bright vivid color and my house is filled with it. It is my sanctuary and

temple. I am able to at last enjoy my things, but it is not the things that

have brought me peace, love and joy. Does that make sense?

 

There was a time when the sabateur would tell me I didn't deserve to be

happy -- I felt guilty to be so blessed. Now I know better.

 

Love and Light,

Sue B.

 

 

 

Mon, 14 Apr 2003 10:48:55 -0500

"Leo Miller" <gr82bme

Coming or Going?

 

Sat Nam ya'll,

I've always understood that one of the goals here is to give up the

attachments to our stuff. Yet I find myself becoming increasingly

acquisitive and attached. It's like my whole life is in upgrade mode.

I've spent most of my life avoiding attachments. The why of that is

unpleasant to discuss and I won't for now. I had gotten to the point that I

couldn't even pick a favorite color. (Green, then Red, then Blue). My home

was always very minimalist, little furniture and only enough artwork to make

the walls less stark. What furniture there was, I pushed back against the

walls so I wouldn't trip over it.

It's all very different in the last year or so. Suddenly I'm a decorating

fool! Jewel tones are like sissy steroids to me. My walls are becoming

covered in pictures of me, my life, my family, my travels, all these things

you would never have seen a few years ago. I've even been putting up my own

artwork (unheard of!) and some of it is damn fine I must admit.

All my friends have talked to me about how they've NEVER seen me "nest"

like this. I think that part of it is that I want to show people who I am.

My previous minimalism was often about me hiding out from my own history.

After my last hospitalization when I came so very close to dying, I realized

that nobody really knew me well enough to give a eulogy that was worth a

damn. Each of my friends had a sliver of my story, but nobody, not even my

Mother, knew it all.

All this self expression is lots of fun and not nearly as scary as I might

have supposed. In fact, there's been excitement not fear. Now, I'm pretty

sure that all this integrating and revealing my life is a good thing, but

I'm VERY attached and personally invested in all of it. I love hanging out

at home with all my stuff. I'm able to save, delay gratification, till I

could afford my decor changes. Trac-lighting is next. (how gay!) so that I

can put in some grow lights and have plants in every room of the house. I

have so many thriving plants that I have big Mommy plants teaching little

plants how to grow.

For the first time in my life the idea of giving all to the poor bothers

me. I could have done it (and have on occasion) and never batted an eye,

now I just want to gather my stuff around me and be happy being in my home.

While I see this in many ways about the reconciliation of my past the

attachment thing is bothering me a bit.

Reporting from the world of color, texture, and paint chips.....

Sat Nam, Leo