Coming or Going?

[Guest guest]

Sat Nam ya'll,

I've always understood that one of the goals here is to give up the

attachments to our stuff. Yet I find myself becoming increasingly

acquisitive and attached. It's like my whole life is in upgrade mode.

I've spent most of my life avoiding attachments. The why of that is

unpleasant to discuss and I won't for now. I had gotten to the point that I

couldn't even pick a favorite color. (Green, then Red, then Blue). My home

was always very minimalist, little furniture and only enough artwork to make

the walls less stark. What furniture there was, I pushed back against the

walls so I wouldn't trip over it.

It's all very different in the last year or so. Suddenly I'm a decorating

fool! Jewel tones are like sissy steroids to me. My walls are becoming

covered in pictures of me, my life, my family, my travels, all these things

you would never have seen a few years ago. I've even been putting up my own

artwork (unheard of!) and some of it is damn fine I must admit.

All my friends have talked to me about how they've NEVER seen me "nest"

like this. I think that part of it is that I want to show people who I am.

My previous minimalism was often about me hiding out from my own history.

After my last hospitalization when I came so very close to dying, I realized

that nobody really knew me well enough to give a eulogy that was worth a

damn. Each of my friends had a sliver of my story, but nobody, not even my

Mother, knew it all.

All this self expression is lots of fun and not nearly as scary as I might

have supposed. In fact, there's been excitement not fear. Now, I'm pretty

sure that all this integrating and revealing my life is a good thing, but

I'm VERY attached and personally invested in all of it. I love hanging out

at home with all my stuff. I'm able to save, delay gratification, till I

could afford my decor changes. Trac-lighting is next. (how gay!) so that I

can put in some grow lights and have plants in every room of the house. I

have so many thriving plants that I have big Mommy plants teaching little

plants how to grow.

For the first time in my life the idea of giving all to the poor bothers

me. I could have done it (and have on occasion) and never batted an eye,

now I just want to gather my stuff around me and be happy being in my home.

While I see this in many ways about the reconciliation of my past the

attachment thing is bothering me a bit.

Reporting from the world of color, texture, and paint chips.....

Sat Nam, Leo

[Guest guest]

One of the first "rules" of feeling good is to surround our self with

our own creations. How many of us do that? How many of us are that self

affirming?

And another thing, being Holy has a lot to do with what comes into our

senses. The Five senses all need to be satiated. If Jewel tones are

speaking to you through your visual sense, then so be it. Make sure you

get some Gold into your eyes, also. The rising sun is the best source of

Gold. If you miss that than you can gaze into a clear bowl of ghee with

a candle behind it.

What's that classic line by Wesley Snipes( in drag), in "To Wong Foo,

Thanks for Everything! Julie Newmar

<http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/0783217048/qid=1050417794/sr=2-1/ref=sr_\

2_1/102-8117503-6391346>"

about a Queen having way too much fashion sense for one gender? Love

that movie! Patrick Swaynze, Wesley Snipes, and John Leguizamo are all

playing Queens.

Back to Sat Nam )

Dharam

 

 

Leo Miller wrote:

 

>Sat Nam ya'll,

>

> It's all very different in the last year or so. Suddenly I'm a decorating

>fool! Jewel tones are like sissy steroids to me. My walls are becoming

>covered in pictures of me, my life, my family, my travels, all these things

>you would never have seen a few years ago. I've even been putting up my own

>artwork (unheard of!) and some of it is damn fine I must admit.

>