Dark Night of the Senses/Grist for the mill

[Guest guest]

Sat Nam,

 

I find myself wanting to respond in some way to this line of

speaking that has been taking place (notice I don't use the word

discussion).

 

I experienced a sense of powerlessness, as I read the last posting.

I feel I must respond in some way, so I am going to write and see if

through expressing myself I can come to a place of feeling empowered

rather than disempowered. My intention being not to

dis-empower anyone else in my expression.

 

This posting brings to light, for me, how each of us individually

experiences every word ever spoken to us or around us, through our

own filters. We each wear a pair of glasses, sandblasted with our

past experiences and conditioning and we perceive our every

experience through this lens.

 

I think what of this, we can use to propel ourselves forward, is for

each of us to notice our own reactions and being willing to work

with what arises. I believe it was Seva Simran who said earlier

this year, all of life is a Dharma...every moment presents us with

grist for the mill of evolution. At any time, when we find

ourselves, "really" having to be right, we know we've!! struck

gold!!....because ! We get to have an opportunity to liberate

ourselves from a limiting thought, belief or perception or way of

reacting. What a pleasure to be alive and have the opportunity

to "consciously" evolve....what an empowering experience to have!

 

When my teacher speaks to me...the result is evolution. I used to

get tied up in the "what" that he said...now it gets to the point

where, what I pay attention to is, how am I feeling based on what he

has said. I don't even bother to pick apart his words

anymore...because there is no point. Whatever words were spoken

will be heard through my own filters and my judgements will be made

based on the filter I hear them through, rather than what actually

has been said. What matters is, what part of me feels limited from

this interaction? and what part of me needs to be healed? in order

to liberate myself from such feelings of limitedness.

 

I have an 11 as a soul number. With an eleven I have a strong need

go through the experience of being "carved" by the teacher and it's

one I submit to willingly, as I am confident that the outcome

(whenever that time comes) will be a masterpiece. This is one of

the most gratifying experiences of my life and also one of the most

painful. Every time I encounter my teacher...I know I'm either

going to be "Seeing God!!" or I'm going to take a walk through my

own personal limitations (shadow) and that takes huge courage to be

able and willing to do that from week to week.

 

I believe it was Dharam who said to me in a post a couple weeks ago,

something like...the ego dies hard and the Guru will show up to

teach you in the most unexpected places.

 

May we all be willing to be taught by the Guru, when he shows up and

offers us an opportunity to evolve past our limitations and may we

also have the wisdom to recognize him when he does show up!!

 

Now I find myself wanting to express something about love...

 

My teacher said something that really touched me the other day. I

was asking him questions around relationships and and the experience

of love...and I finally understood what unconditional love looks

like. He explained the experience between two people as being one

where, two people could have very different and strong opinions, but

that the "love" in the relationship would never be at risk...meaning

people wouldn't be afraid of expressing themselves for fear that

the "love" would be with held based on whether the other person

liked what was being said or not.

 

He also described the experience of "love" as emerging in a moment,

when two people experience an understanding of one another. This

helps me tremendously, because it becomes a formula to experience

merger and connection with another...if my goal is understanding

rather than holding a position. My goal in every interaction is,

how can I experience a merger with this person?

 

I realize I experience the feeling of powerlessness when I am not

being heard by another...and that is what got touched on when I read

this posting.

 

Umph! More grist for the mill… I guess!! Ha ha!

 

May we all walk in the Divine Light of the Guru,

Sat Sangeet Kaur