Ah, there's the rub!

[Guest guest]

Sat Nam ya'll,

There's no way to wash it, I'm afraid to die. It's been sinking in on me

for awhile now.

I've studied, I've prayed and I've sought for many years. I always thought

I had at least a marginal handle on the whole death thing. Maybe I do, I

just am not sure at the moment.

In the last year, in part due to KY, I've become exceedingly attached to my

life. I have everything I really need and more than a couple of my wants.

I have friends and family who love me unconditionally. I feel comfortable,

usually, sharing my gifts with others and have learned SO much about

appropriate boundaries in all these things.

My life feels like it's finally working on so many, many levels. I love my

life! And now it's feeling threatened in a big way. Maybe I'm not ok with

this dialysis thing, you think? The very thought of losing my life leaves me

feeling incredibly cheated. I guess that's the word.

It sorta feels like it'd be easier to give in and give up. It's probably

just the process, but it's difficult to stay 'in the moment' when the

'moment' SUX! At the moment it seems that treating HIV and treating kidney

disease are diametrically opposed to one another. The diets are even

opposite! Dialysis also makes you lose weight. Why do I think that's a bad

idea when I'm 6' tall and only weigh 150lbs.?

I'm very frustrated and only beginning to identify my issues. I'm sorry to

unload on ya'll but I just got home from dialysis and all these feelings are

very fresh and on the surface. Thanks for listening. Sometimes you just

gotta say it out loud.

Sat Nam,

Leo

[Guest guest]

Dearest Leo,

 

I know from my father, that dialyisis can be very, very hard. It's possible to

loose all joy through it. And in your case, it is really a lot together with

HIV.

I can understand your fear. Don't stop to tell us about all your feelings. You

are glad to have people around you, real friends and your family.

 

Love, Peace & Light and a special guardian angel

 

Sonja

[Guest guest]

This mantra and others have been set to music on a beuatiful CD, which you can

listen to over and over again, with really calming results. I used to just let

it play over and over again in the car.

 

sjskhalsa wrote:

A mantra that appears in the latest prosperity times in a meditation

Works to help us prepare for that passage that we fear out ignorance

 

Om Tryam-bakum Yaja-mahay;

Sugan-dhim Pushti-varadhanam

Urvar-oo-kamiva Bandhanan;

Mrit-yor Mukh-shiya Mum-ritaht

 

 

 

 

 

 

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