addiction

[Guest guest]

Shame, embarrassment, hiding behind a mask of happiness whwen

frustrated about "hidden" addiction that affects my being. It's not

weight problem. I'm health nut and food not an issue.

 

Been struggling mainly in secretcy, as only my husband knows and few

others I have met in support groups revealed to it. Many can't

relate or offer any help. Have found support or 12 step groups I

have been involved in non relational--once out of there, gone.

Alchol/drugs not an issue here. Tried so many avenues, but seem to

always return to square one. The behavior could stop suddenly,

without any changes, and then always sneak up. It's called OCD to

some as it's repetitive, to others habit, to others compulsion, bad

habit or whatever one calls it. This has been a lifetime of about

46 years of dealing with this up and down--yo yo syndrome. Perhaps

I will reveal later what it is as there are groups out there, but

regardless not at the moment of this writing.

 

Other day met a guy in conversation talking about yoga-KY. I never

heard of it and he suggested I check it out which I had not done

yet. He does't even know I was interested in addictions, but we

touched on emotional blocks and said this could help. However in

health food store was book called KY. Can't remember author, but

said addictions were related to pineal gland. I never heard that

before and became very curious. Today I am online and see this

wonderful site. Today went to website associated with this list and

saw naval chakkra info. which relates.

 

My problem more like, but not nail biting. Can anyone offer ideas

to help with this? I don't do drugs, have been in 12 step group,

found my own spiritual path in the church (for me this is where I am

at for 12 years as non believer of anything before).

 

Oh, new here and glad to be comfortable being here. Thanks tons. On

no mail so will check back or can email me privately, however for

benefit of group, maybe here post too. If I can get free I can help

others, but until then "how can I help someone else when I am so

stuck myself?" Of course my lesson in life is probably

called "persistence."

 

carolg

[Guest guest]

On Tue, 08 Jul 2003 16:29:07 -0000

"to: cgiambri" <cgiambri

 

Addiction... difficult issue. What I can tell you is what

is good for me... and not neccesarily (sorry for my

English, I am spanish) may be good for others. Everytime I

want to do something different or taught or time consuming

or whatever I try to motivate myself and convince myself

that "this is what I want to doI must do itI will do

it" and then I make a plan, everyday plan, almost like an

obsesion. To be fair my addictions are not very big or

have nothing to do with drugs like tobacco, alcohol,

etc... my additions are like some kind of sports,

chocolate, sweets, etcand I have to be very carefull with

games, that is why I never play money with cards, or

gambling machines. To ressume, persistance, motivation,

yoga, selfsteem, daily work, etc

 

hope this helps a bit

 

sat nam

 

Luis

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[Guest guest]

Sat Nam,

 

Just to add to what Awtar expressed....

 

There's something actually "trying" to happen in every moment. The universe is

constantly "conspiring" to bring you closer to the realization of you True

Essence. In other words, to know your Soul intimately...no separation.

 

As Awtar expressed, with a food craving, it's a the communication of a need or

desire coming to the surface within you.

 

There are two kinds of desires...true and false. "oh my god, I need some

dessert" is more than likely a "false" desire. It's a cloak, for what true

desire "is", lurking underneath it. We need to investigate our false desires to

uncloak what is underneath them. For many, their false desires freak them out,

so they try to avoid them, rather than going into them and seeing what is it

really about?...thus avoiding the uncloaking of what is truly trying to come

into the light.

 

"True" desires are promptings from our Soul and to experience fulfilment in

life, we must follow the call of the soul. Anything less than that, leads to

pain and suffering. So learning how to excavate to the deeper level of "what is

my soul prompting in this moment?" "What is truly trying to occur in this

moment?" Is extremely benficial in working with addictive/compulsive behaviors.

And anything, for that matter!

 

For instance, my compulsive "eating or not eating" habits ran my life for a good

10 years. I felt like it was a monkey on my back and like it was so deeply

ingrained that it was going to be part of me and I had to learn to live with

this suffering and that there was no way out.

 

I remember what it was like, to make the decision not to go to my pantry and eat

my way through it...but then I had to sit with what I was feeling instead, which

was often terrifying. I was like a drug addict, needing their next 'hit". I'd

be curled up into a ball on the couch, my body trembling and shaking, breaking

into a cold sweat, as my mind screamed at me to GET UP AND EAT!! EAT...EAT....

EAT!!!

 

And it wouldn't stop and I'd sit through this same experience, anytime I sat

still with the choice not to binge. It was a screaming monkey to say the least.

 

There was a lot of suffering in those experiences, because I hadn't learned any

of the meditative techniques to transform emotional tension at that time...I

didn't have the skill of being able to communicate with my heart's desires yet,

to know what it was that I really wanted at a soul level and I knew of no

conscious ways of manifesting my soul's desires.

 

Having the awareness that you need change, but having none of the tools

necessary to bring about that change...is a place where one can feel like they

are really suffering.

 

Eventually, I did begin to get down to what it was that my soul/my heart was

calling me to pursue and it was in the opposite direction from where I presently

had been going....so that's the reason that it was so intense of an experience.

 

When you are livng incongruently with your calling...life will be very

uncomfortable....as my life was, in that one aspect.

 

Do you want to know what "true" desire it was that was being masked by over

eating or starving all of those years??

 

I'll give you a hint...Sat Sangeet Kaur (Princess of True Divine Music!!) Ha Ha!

 

When given a spiritual name (a name which I was horrified by...having no musical

skill at the time...but I did have a childhood desire to pursue music, but it

was really well cloaked and buried inside of me, by this time)...I began to

pursue music....and the more I pursued it, the more joyful I felt and the

compulsive behaviors began to lose their hold on me. And I found myself more

empowered to consciously choose my behaviors...and eventually, for the most part

a complete cessation of compulsive eating behaviors.

 

I don't mean to make it sound like I did one thing and that "fixed" it. Along

the way I was taught many meditative techniques to develope the skills I

mentioned above that were needed for the transformation to occur...but at the

heart of it...it was beginning a practice of KY and then tuning into my True

desires that was at the heart of the healing.

 

I am sure for anyone who is wanting to pursue this in a deeper way would find

Gururatan's courses of benefit, in developing the skills needed to create

permanant and lasting transformation and Soul connection in one's life. The

best thing you can ever do for yourself is to develope a meditative mind.

Through meditation, you can become the "author" of your life.

 

May we all continue to move towards the essence of who we are...

 

All Light,

Sat Sangeet Kaur

AB, Canada