The Feminine - The Masculine & Kundalini Yoga

[Guest guest]

Dharam recently wrote in his advice to Chela Shanti...

 

"you don't need to beat on yourself any harder than you already are. Your

yoga practice needs to be of the soothing, steady kind...."

 

Something really moved in side me when I read it and I decided that I would

write to you all for some advice on a deep conflict going on within me about

the Masculine, the Feminine and Kundalini Yoga.

 

I have found the very nature of KY to be stimulating and dynamic. I barely

have to chant Sa Ta Na Ma once these days, and up comes some deep cathartic

painfully unconscious stuff to look at. To be honest I sometimes get a bit

tired of all the work it seems to throw up in my personal life. Looking in

the mirror can get really really challenging when you've been doing it so

consistantly for so long. I start wondering when am I going to get a break

from all this processing stuff and just be able to relax?????

 

Even though I understand that this is the whole idea... to become conscious

in all areas of our lives... I am occasionally tempted to abandon the whole

process and throw the mirror as far away as possible. Of course.. that

would only be a temporary solution, if a solution at all, and eventually, in

one way or another, the mirror would come back again.

 

Periodically I have to stop my KY practice as I find it too stimulating. I

think that I may have a very strong Vata, coupled with a strong mental

activity, lots of over-thinking, and am not innately very good at living on

the feeling level.

 

I'd like to share how the Idea of Divine Feminine was *completely* missing

from my life until the weekend of the Harmonic Concordance. This seems a

strange thing to me considering that I am a 26 year old *woman*... (I put

that in there, because of my name, people occasionally assume I'm a man)

 

Over that weekend, I was on a KY retreat in Southern England...a lot of

things came to the surface of my awareness.. it was like a cathartic smack

in the face. This last year I've felt like I've been doing a Universal

jigsaw puzzle. I've recently been frustrated, aware of feeling stuck, but

not knowing how or when I'd be able move on and shift my state...

That weekend I finally found the missing piece, the bridge, giving me what I

needed to move onwards.

 

 

It was the day after the Concordance, Sunday, that I realised that my

masculine side has always far outweighed my feminine side. In fact I'm

hardly in touch with my feminine side at all... Despite thinking in the

past that I was a balanced person, in reality I barely relate to the

feminine qualities of gentleness, receptiveness, calming, giving and

nuturing.

 

 

With help of a therapist who was there at the retreat I connected to a

point in my past where a kind of shut-down of all things Feminine happened.

It was an incident where my father attacked my mother in front of me when I

was very young. To cut a long story short... My parents got divorced when I

was a baby... I had contact with my dad by seeing him every other weekend..

but didn't like going over because I didn't like my stepmother. One weekend

when I was due to visit my father, my mother was ill in bed, and I decided I

didn't want to go, I wanted to stay and look after her. He irrationally

jumped to the conclusion that she was trying to convince me not to go...

went to her bedroom, put a pillow over her head and started punching her in

the face in front of me. I tried to scream to tell him to stop, but I

couldn't produce a sound, no matter how hard I tried. This, coupled with

the fact that as a child, I assumed a supportive role for my mother (and her

emotions) over many years.. and as we were a house of 3 women, I took on a

Masculine role.

 

I realised, that what I witnessed that day is much like what the Masculine

inside me, my logic and thoughts, often does to my Feminine, my feelings and

emotions... I shut off from them, ignore them, make them be quiet, dominate

them and intellectualize everything.

 

It has become very clear to me that this was also how I have approached my

KY practice over the past several years... direct... disciplined... almost

with a bit of a hard edged quality to it... and even when I noticed there

was something inside me saying, 'Hey wait a minute, this is all going a bit

fast for me... please slow down and be gentle'.. I would attribute it to my

lazyness or some weakness in my character and keep striving forwards.

 

Since the Harmonic Concrodance I have been deeply questioning whether in

fact KY may be the best path for me. I love the idea of it. But in reality

it doesn't seem to bring much peace to me. I see that it obviously works,

as far as cleansing the subconsious and making me more aware of things, but

wonder if I'll ever get to the other side of all my baggage and actually

feel good. So I'm wondering... Is it possible to find, within the tradition

of KY, a practice that will allow me to develop my much needed feminine side

and the feminine qualities of the universe. Or whether, for me, a more

gentle form of Hatha yoga may be what I need *AT THIS POINT IN MY LIFE*.

Perhaps to return to KY at a later date.

 

Thing is, when I consider moving towards other forms of yoga I get this

strange almost guilty feeling about it... like I shouldn't be doing that as

I'd be wasting my time, not doing enough to 'cleanse myself' or something.

I can't figure out why on earth I'm thinking that, as there have been many

great and enlightened beings from many different yoga traditions. Perhaps

it just because KY is the only kind of yoga I've ever practiced.

 

I'm happy that this awareness has now come to me. I now realise that half

of me has been missing for sooooo long, the 'Divine' Feminine. But I'm not

quite sure what to do, having always been a do-er, and realising that the

feminine nature is more about be-ing. KY seems to be very much about doing,

there's always alot going on.. the pace, the movement, the breathing, the

effort, the challenge. It's not the most gentle of approaches, in fact

often it's bloody painfull!!!!

 

I'm excited by my realisation that my path is within me... that somehow it

lies in making friends with, getting to know and somehow bringing together

these two aspects of the Feminine & Masculine within myself. It gives me

much hope. If I can do this... I think things will become a lot more jolly

for me in life, and I may finally find some peace.

 

What can I do to help me get more in touch with the feminine qualities both

in my practice and my life?

 

Has anyone else out there had any similar issues or experience with their KY

practice?

 

Should I stop KY and do something more gentle?

 

Does soothing Kundalini Yoga exist????? .............If so, I would love to

hear from you all.

 

blessings to all,

 

~*~ Krishan Shiva Kaur ~*~

[Guest guest]

Sat Nam Krishan Shiva Kaur,

 

I too am a woman. I can relate to your expression. I was very enmasculinated

(if that is a word) up until a few years ago..and I am still working very hard

at discovering, what the essence of a woman is...and how that looks and feels

within me.

 

First I would say about Kundalini Yoga...I believe there are two very different

approaches to the practice...like I've said in the past, I have been some places

where they approach it like an Olympic event!

 

For me the more feminine approach is really taking time to tune into the

luxuriousness of the breath...the moments of stillness and beauty between each

exercise...moments of gratitude and acceptance.

 

You can't run from what arises as you practice...but you can certainly give

yourself time and space to allow it to process...that's the gentle approach.

 

Then my other suggestions would be to look outside of your yogic practice, for

ways to cultivate the feminine....nurturing...being.... kind of energy.

 

Suggestions:

 

Find a massage therapist who understands what "flow" means...and allow yourself

to be initiated.

 

Try a dance class....I don't know what it is like in England, but in Canada

belly dancing has exploded on the scene over the last 6 years...I believe

because it represents awakening the goddess within....that goddess energy is the

feminine.

 

My teacher will laugh that I am actually suggesting this (because I resist it

so)..but get together regulary with women to talk. I know for myself this is

how I process a ton of stuff. If you don't have this...then just send out an

intention to the universe to have this blessing bestowed.

 

Sing with people.

 

Bathe...in a very luxurious way.

 

If you want to try another form of yoga...do it...see how you feel...is it

awakening the divine feminine within you? If it is practice it.

 

I'm no expert...this is just some things I have been using to experience this

more. I'm sure there is probably more, yogically speaking to draw from..but

it's not coming to me in this moment.

 

Sat Sangeet Kaur

 

 

 

 

 

 

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[Guest guest]

Krishan Shiva Kaur,

 

The Divine Mother meditation is a beautiful way to get in touch with your

Feminine side.

 

Avtar

 

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[Guest guest]

> I can completely relate to your post. I am brand new to this forum,

but have been practicing Kundlini Yoga for four years, Hatha Yoga for

18 years.

I sent an email to Yogi Bhajan once, asking him why Kundalini Yoga

seemed to be bringing up so many conflicts for me. All of my "stuff"

was slamming me in the face. He advised me to keep going. I'm now in

a much different phase, and it's very pleasant, uplifting, and I find

I'm laughing a lot.

For me, I started doing less of the physical, and more of the

chanting. I always do the Ad Guray Namay chant after tuning in, and

it is so protective! I also approach my practice like a beginner,

only doing the exercises for one minute, and resting for a few mins.

in between each one. Doing too much too soon backfired for me. I

worked as a beginner for three years. The classes I tried in LA were

very hard, and I couln't work at that level.

Writing out all of my feelings and impressions of what's going on has

really helped. Also, I've gone back to ballet class,and

sweating,dancing to beautiful classical music, and being around

artistic male energy, (my teacher is a Russian master, and much like

a Yogi,) has brought me great healing.

I think you will be able to clear this energy, and ultimitely become

more of yourself. It's like any art, we meet up against our inner

resistance and can feel discouraged, then perhaps the next day we

start to fly....

SatPal Kaur

[Guest guest]

Dear Krishan Shiva Kaur,

 

It was my understanding that the even-numbered

chakras, the pelvis, the heart, and

the third eye work on the feminine qualities,

dealing with relaxation and the openess to

feel, to love and to see. Perhaps doing asanas

or kriyas associated only with these Chakras

might be gentler on your system.

 

The book the Kundalini Yoga Experience by

Guru Dharam s. Khalsa and Darryl O Keeffe has Kriyas

specifically for each Chakra.

 

The Grace of God Meditation is very nice..

 

On the other hand just start being who you want to

be.

 

Speaking as a woman who also had a traumatic and

violent childhood, it will always be part of us,

but it does not have to mold us, we have the

choice to become who we want to be. Treat each day as

a brand new exciting experience to become who you

want to be. There is a nice meditation in Reaching

Me in Me called Releasing Childhood Anger, which

I was hesitant to do, thinking it would bring up

alot of things, however, it seemed to make the

memories evaporate and make me gentler being.

 

I do not believe KY is the enemy, ask for guidance

and you will be drawn to the kriyas and meditations

needed for your particular needs at the moment. You

can run, but you cannot hide from yourself. It seems

like you have alot of grit, and will be able to figure

things out if you just hang in there and ride out the

waves.

 

Keep up!

Linda .

 

P.S. on the other hand follow your instincts, if

you need to take a break, you need to take a break!

 

 

 

 

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[Guest guest]

Sat Nam,

 

Great realization, Krishan Shiva Kaur. This deserves a very thoughtful

response. Here are some ideas. I am putting together a longer response which I

will share with all KYTRaining. This is a very important question. Thanks for

asking.

 

Yes, there is the "beat yourself up" aspect of KY and many teachers teach that

way and many students practice that way. But that is not the essence of KY. It

is a carry over of how we perceive the world -- struggle, no pain no gain, etc.

I have noticed that a lot of times we start out like this and then gradually

realize that the spaces between the exercises are as important as the exercises

themselves. It is absolutely essential to take the time to integrate the

effects of the exercises (the piece that you are calling the feminine.)

 

For starters, take one exercise and then sit with yourself to absorb, integrate

and cultilvate awareness of the effects. When you feel satisfied that you have

taken full advantage of the space you created with the exercise, move on to the

next one. Maybe you will only do 1 or two exercises in one session. Maybe you

will do the exercises for less time, i.e only one minute. Do the exercises in a

loving, rhythmic way. Enjoy the movement and the stimulation. When the

pleasure factor decreases stop the exercise and simply be present to your breath

and the sensations in your body. Enjoy the effects. I said ENJOY.

 

Some negative emotions may come up. But I have a feeling that if you shift the

way you are doing the exercises to gently, lovingly and easily and take ample

time to be lovingly with yourself, your emotional and physical body between

exercises that a lot of the negative experiences will disappear or pass more

quickly. These can also be messages from your soul to slow down and be kinder

to yourself, to listen to your inner voice, to be present to the love and light

of your soul.

 

I will be very curious if your experiences change with the kinder method.

Monitor this carefully and let us know.

 

Sat Nam,

 

Gururattan Kaur