Rene joining

[Guest guest]

Being new to this community, I want to introduce myself. My name is Rene, I

live in the Netherlands and I am 36. I was attracted to Kundalini Yoga in

September 2003 after serious relationship problems had raised in our family,

early last summer. Having three kids of 1, 5 and 6 years old this had the

highest impact ever on my life and emotional wellbeing. At this moment we

are in a divorce trial period which is painfull for me as it is my wife who

decided to take a walk on the wild side of life.

 

After 3 months of fuzziness and burnout (I could not do anything anymore,

except taking good care of our kids) I started to pull myself out in

September and at that time I also started with some incidental Kundalini

Yoga excersizes and, more frequent, guided meditations that I found on

Internet.

 

While practising the excercises from the kundaliniyouga.org website I became

more interested in the Kundaline and I started researching the internet on

this and related topics like Veda' and websites containing the work of

enlightened people who are considered as modern (or historical) saints. The

great thing is that I receive so much energy during this work that instead

of my old 8,5 hours sleep per night I now live on 5 hours of sleep. I

meditate 30 mins in the morning at 06.00 and 45 mins in the night at 23.30.

I study about 5 hrs per day, and have a fulltime job as a management

consultant.

 

I read on the website that it would be advisory to keep focus on religion

while practising Kundalini youga. The next day, now 3 weeks ago, I saw an

article about an introduction workshop to Gnosis and I got a strong feeling

to attend, not knowing what it would bring me. This was a real eye-opener to

me and it feels like a perfect combination. I have attended three workshops

now an things really feel like starting to fall on their places. I have this

really great 'awakening' feeling related to my goals in life, letting go of

my ever security seeking Ego and (re)joining the cosmic flow of life and

happiness. Sometimes I can cry with a warm loving feeling spontaneously when

I realize how much love and passion for life I can feel now. Other moment I

still can feel emotionally confused and desorientated not knowing how to

move on in life, but the duration of those moments is getting shorter and

they appear less frequent. I then try to focus on my role in the support of

our three young kids.

 

Right at this moment, I am looking for ways and means to go deeper in my

meditations and actually start working more on Kundalini rising. Until last

week I did only simple mantra meditations and spine excercises. I have a

feeling that I have passed my probation period and that I am willing and

ready to move on to the next phase.

 

Last weekend, I returned to the kundaliniyoga.org website and i picked up

the Kirtin Kriya - SA TA NA MA Meditation. I started doing it for 11 mins in

the morning and evening for two days and last night i had this really

special experience i never had before. During the Kirtin Kriya I had the

feeling that I head a pleasant meditation but I could not visualize or

receive the mentioned energy coming in from my crown chakra. Focussing on

energy going out of the third eye went well. After this meditation i did not

feel special until I breathed 3 times deeply shaking my hands above my head

each breath. I had the feeling like time and space got discontinuous while

moving my body and reality was not existing anymore. I turned my attention

inside as i wanted to jump and stay on this train and I noticed I was not

breathing anymore. The emptyness I experienced was so infinite and so

overwhelming that I felt scared, half of me felt scared, the other half

watched what was going on. It was an emptiness that fell down from my brain

to my pelvis like a wave. I got an intense picture/sensation of a little boy

who is dying, looking at me, his father. The little boy looks at me from

close, with in his big eyes both endless trust and love as well as a deepest

expression of ' WHY'. I don't know whether this lasted for 1 sec or five

minutes but I felt I had been balancing and got out on the right side. My

felt my breathing again and I enjoyed body's reaction, sparkling and cooling

down after such an extreme emotion, before falling asleep.

 

I like to join this community and I hope that some of you, or any of you,

can give me some feedback, advice or reflections on my experiences to give

me an idea on where I am on the track of Kundalini and how I could move

forward.

 

Kind regards,

 

Rene

 

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[Guest guest]

Thank you Renee for your post!

 

I have been reading these posts for three months, and find the most

appropriate topic appears on the day I need it.

 

I decided 6-weeks ago to end my 7-year dependence on anti-depressants,

encouraged primarily by the messages on this post, particularly about how the

use of

anti-depressants separates us from our essence.

 

My dependence started when my father committed suicide; I imploded and my

whole world caved in. I felt I could no longer function, but I had two young

children who were struggling with the issue of a beloved grandparent dying in

that manner themselves. So, what was to be a few months to "get me through the

holidays" turned into years of psycho-therapy and medication.

 

Also, over a year ago I found hatha yoga...kundalini is still very new, and I

have no flesh and blood teacher at this point in time...but I am putting that

out there for the Universe.

 

Right now I am going through major depression....going off the meds is a

daily struggle! Like an addict, at times I want them back so bad I can taste

them. Then I think, "hold on a little longer". But it is so dark at times,

that

I think I could simply stop breathing and everything will be better. Is this

going anywhere positive? Should I accept that "the wiring" isn't right and

get back on them? And, can kundlini help with this, and how would I start

without a guru or teacher? I read this is potent stuff....can one do this

alone?

 

namaste,

Terri

 

 

 

[Guest guest]

Dear Rene,

Dear Terry,

 

thank you very much for your moving email. I understand, that it is

sometimes very difficult telling/writing about yourself and your

experience, esp. personal problems, to a somehow anonymous group of people.

Therefore I just would like to give you a virtual 'hug' - you are not

alone! I also like the Kirtan Kriya very much - it is so easy. I often

chant it silently when walking our dog - Breathwalk.

 

I just returned back to Shanghai from our visit back home in Germany. I

spent there also a weekend with KY teachers training with Gurumarka. I was

astonished about all the dutch yogis / yoginis being around there. So where

are you coming from? I think there are quite good chances hooking up with

some other KY practitioners and 'real' teachers.

 

SAT NAM,

Sending you light and blessings,

 

Adarsh S.

Shanghai, sunny, 8 degr.

[Guest guest]

Terri,

 

You might want to check out this link, I posted it the other day. Just jumping

off med's without a program in place might not be the best thing to do.

Ultimately it may have to be attacked on several levels, but you have to explore

and find that out yourself. I am not saying that you can't get there using

Kundalini, but depending on severity it may or may not be enough. Yogi Bhajan

has said that sometimes one needs a little extra help and Kundalini itself is

may not enough. Ultimately I had to take more aggressive measures and then just

practicing Yoga, once I did it was easy for me to focus and begin. We are all

wired the same is just that sometimes the wiring does not conduct as it should

and needs cleansing and then we can work on the rest. It is easy enough to start

practicing Kundalini from a book, eventually you will want to take a class or

two.

 

http://pages.nyu.edu/~er26/depression.html

 

Sat Nam,

Mike

 

 

 

I decided 6-weeks ago to end my 7-year dependence on anti-depressants,

encouraged primarily by the messages on this post, particularly about how the

use of

anti-depressants separates us from our essence.

 

 

 

 

 

[Guest guest]

I appreciate the virtual hug . As to where I am? ... Alabama. Not exactly

buzzing with yogis and yoginis..haha. However, I do work with a wonderful

little yoga studio here that has a great spiritual vibe...just no Kundalini,

yet.

 

Sat Nam

Terri

 

 

 

[Guest guest]

I wanted to just say Hello from (Gadsden) Alabama, also. There ARE a few of us

in Alabama (few and far between!).

 

Buddy Carl Pounds

 

 

 

 

TSell10 wrote: I appreciate the virtual hug . As to where I am? ...

Alabama. Not exactly

buzzing with yogis and yoginis..haha. However, I do work with a wonderful

little yoga studio here that has a great spiritual vibe...just no Kundalini,

yet.

 

Sat Nam

Terri

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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