Sweat Lodge

July 5, 2004

The first time I did a Native American sweat lodge I had expectations

of going to the blissful center of a spiritual tradition that I had

admired and revered. But I really knew very little about it. I

thought I would just sit in the circle and the beautiful energy of

Wakantanka would come into me, cleanse me, show me the wonders of the

universe, the great Native American spirituality revealed like a

sunrise.

What I got was hot. Very hot. It was grueling.

Afterwards I was glad it was over. All kinds of realizations flooded

through me. I had not been ready. I had come into the lodge with

illusions and fascades. The fire had begun to melt them away, but

there was much work to do, much fear and anger to be overcome.

The fire revealed my resistance.

For some incomprehensible reason I kept doing sweat lodges. A spirit

guide appeared to me for my third sweat, Brave Bear. He sat behind me

and whispered brotherly wisdom into my soul. I was told that I needed

to embrace the energy of the fire, to welcome the cleansing, not to

hold on to my old ways, my old fears. He stayed with me for a week

afterwards, my constant companion, my teacher, sleeping or awake.

I have no idea what the reality was. I claim nothing. He could have

been a subroutine of my brain circuitry or a cellular memory, an

angel, the spirit of an Indian, an ancestor, a multidimensional

being, or God made manifest for me in the moment. There is no way to

know these things.

But I can accept the experience for what it was, a miraculous and

beautiful teaching from my brother man, Brave Bear, giving me

awareness of the path I must follow, instructions I should honor.

I learned that no path is easy. Pain is almost always from the

barriers I myself have created and try to maintain. Acceptance of who

I am may demand that I experience the pain and relief of letting go

of the illusions.

Thank you Wakantanka. Thank you, Brave Bear.

2004 by John MacEnulty

7/3/2004, St. Louis, MO

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