talk about commitment...

[Guest guest]

....and long term meditations. i would like to share my experience with

you guys.

it seems many people are getting on board for a 40 day meditation right

at this moment; that's so great! some of you have posted about

unexpected feelings arising during meditation. this happened to me when

i did kirtan kriya for 90 days, beginning in march and finishing on

mother's day. the first few days were wonderful: i felt proud of myself

for getting up a little earlier (nowhere near 4 am: 7 is early for me!)

and doing some warm ups and my meditation and tuning in and out and all

that. but before long a serious sadness got hold of me and Would Not Let

Me Go. people on this list may remember me posting about it. luckily,

people encouraged me to keep up, and explained that my soul was longing

for this teaching, and that was the reason i kept going even though i

quite desperately wanted to stop. anyway, i read about the kritan kriya

in particular that it becomes your "best friend." not me, man. i

couldn't wait to get away from it. it hurt me so bad.

so, i wanted to say that meditation for some may sometimes be euphoric

and cleansing and, even if painful, still positive. but for me it was

not. it was just brutal. in case there are others out there feeling

this, i want to say you are not alone.

HOWEVER! the really cool thing is what has happened since! as soon as i

stopped the meditation, i returned to my usual cheerful self. i had

learned some very important and serious lessons - things that i had been

stumbling over for a very long time - and although i'm still stumbling,

i have a new awareness about those issues. and, even better, a great

surprise this full moon: i made the decision to go back to school and

commit to a six-month training program to run a marathon - which takes

place the day after my birthday, on november 27! i credit the meditation

for clearing things away for me, for being part of a new moon/full moon

cycle of putting things in motion, and then seeing them come to

fruition. for helping me finally do some things i have been thinking of

doing, talking about doing, wishing i had the strength to do, for a long

time.

but i can't lie: it was hell getting through it. i hope no one else has

such a hard time, but just in case you do, please realize you are not

alone. please keep up! try with all your might! and when it feels like

you can't stand it any more, do it anyway!!! and when it's over, you'll

be very happy!! wahe guru!

i am even contemplating doing the kirtan kriya again some day - just

once! - just to see what it is like. ::shudder!!::

i can say this with absolute certainty, though: if you keep you, you

will be kept up.

be brave! you can do it!!

love,

sue in seattle