more about compulsion, etc.

[Guest guest]

sat nam,

well, when God wants to send a message, first He taps you on the

shoulder. if you ignore Him, He taps again, and again. then maybe He

sends a small car wreck. if you continue to ignore, then He sends a

truck. do you guys know what i mean?

this weekend, God sent a freight train. ;} the man i was seeing who

lives two doors down, invited a former ex-girlfriend and two of her

three children to spend the weekend with him. i asked, and yes: he had

every intention of having sex with her. so that makes it kind if easy to

break that particular habit!

still, i know the underlying compulsion remains, and i've been thinking

over all the comments you all posted on the subject - all of which are

excellent of course, and make plenty of sense. i guess the hard part is,

knowing where i could be, should be, and want to be, and just finding

myself to be continually diverting my path and continually getting in my

own way. in fact, the thing that hurts most about what happened this

weekend is not so much what 'hudson did to me,' as what i have been

doing to myself, the ways in which i over and over and over again betray

myself. and the fact that i *don't* have the relationship i want and -

in all honesty - really don't know how to find it. a lot has been said

and written about how to bring the things you want into your life, but

it seems the relationship is the hardest one to manifest. not just in my

own experience, either; i've seen it happen to a lot of people i know.

compounded by the way people say that you have to enjoy being with

yourself when you are alone and do things you love and etc. etc. - which

is true - but i have noticed how no one says that when a person is, say,

unemployed or homeless. being single when you don't want to be is pretty

hellish, and something over which we have less control than we do our

job or shelter.

anyway, all this by way of trying to figure out how to handle the

longing for attachment with another person. i don't, as some people

suggested, feel i need another person to "complete" me. i know that all

longings are really, at their root, a longing for God. but i also know

that the energy and feeling and experience of connecting romantically

and sexually with another person is something for which there is no

substitute - not even chocolate (smile). i'm posting at such length

because i'm pretty sure i'm not the only person who struggles with this.

i started tapa yog karam kriya in an attempt to get a hold on myself! i

began on saturday, which i *think* was the new moon, and am going to

continue for as long as i do. is it possible that it is already

working?? i certainly feel more committed than ever to not ever having

sex with hudson again. of course, it helped that he hung up on me

yesterday when i tried to talk to him about what he's doing to me. once

again: God sent the freight train.

wahe guru, wahe guru! hudson is my guru! i bow down and touch the guru's

white lotus feet!!

i hope you, all my kundalini brothers and sisters, are WELL!!

sat nam,

seattle sue

[Guest guest]

Sat Nam Sue in Seattle

You are certainly not alone and I send you my loving heart as I am sure many

of us will. Hang in there. Keep doing. I am also new at all this and

learning slowly.

Teresa in Van Nuys

 

 

 

[Guest guest]

Dear Sue,

 

 

 

Thank you for your honest letter. Congratulations that you are taking

responsibility and asking what you can do to attract a relationship that

works for you. Yes, there are many, many others with the same experience

and question - what do I do to stop sabotaging my relationships?

 

 

 

Here is one answer. You have to practice everyday and it will work. This

process works progressively. The more you do it, the longer you do it, the

more it works. This process will change your focus, your experience, your

knowing and your projection. I will guide you and as you progress, you will

find that you guide yourself.

 

 

 

We will take one step at a time. We actually started with this first step

on our teleconference Wed. the 31st. I am going to include this in the

Inner Libra New Millennium Being. But we need to get started today.

 

 

 

Tune in with ONG NA MO GURU DEV NA MO

 

Sit quietly with eyes closed and look inside your head until you experience

a space.

 

Keep looking into this space, which will probably be like a dark, velvety

cave. If there is anything else going on, just focus on the space. We aren't

looking for images or stories, just a space.

 

 

 

Do a KY set of your choice.

 

After each exercise, return to your space.

 

Sit quietly and look inside your head until you experience your inner space.

 

Keep looking into this space.

 

Add listening to the sound of silence in this space.

 

 

 

Note that this space is still there.

 

In fact, this space never goes away.

 

It is always there for you, whenever you go back to it.

 

Note how that makes you feel -- that it is always there for you, no matter

if you forget it or don't pay attention to it?

 

 

 

Do your meditation for 11 minutes (or more).

 

Then sit quietly and go into the stillness and silence of your space.

 

Stay there and enjoy your space.

 

Enjoy the stillness.

 

Enjoy the silence.

 

Be grateful that the space, the stillness and the silence are always there

for you.

 

 

 

To end, set your intention to remember your sacred space and return to it

many times during the day.

 

Chant SAT NAM 3 times with your hands on your heart.

 

 

 

Ok, friends, this is very everyone.

 

 

 

Let us know your experience.

 

 

 

Sat Nam,

 

 

 

Gururattana

[Guest guest]

dear gururattan,

thank you for your response. as soon as i read it, i got up and went

into my room to do what you suggested! i have a hard time making time

for my practice but today it all worked out perfectly: i had a few hours

before i had to pick up my son, and just as i was sitting down to begin,

my dad went out - very rare indeed that i am alone in the house, and i

cherish those peaceful moments. and i didn't even have to force myself!

i just got up and went!

i chose the abdominal strengthening exercise from _guidelines for

sadhana_ because i feel a desperate need to strengthen my will - it

seemed the navel center was the place to begin. i chose sodarshan chakra

kriya for my meditation because it is the first long term meditation i

did (40 days) when i was very new to KY, and it felt familiar and also

empowering. i tried to find the space within and feel that i connected

with SOMEthing - not sure if it is what you refer to, but i will keep

trying. i wondered: what is this space? what is it for?

when i finished i felt very sad. i hope that doesn't continue. i

remember when i did my 90 day kirtan kriya i was depressed the whole

time. but, i'm willing to stick with it because i know the benefits

might not be visible. or maybe the sadness is the benefit, what do i

know?

it seems that late afternoon is the best time for me to do my practice

and not stress about the timing. i read somewhere that 4 pm and right

before bed are good times for sadhana - though not as good as the amrit

vela, of course. i am again beginning to do the wake up exercises (the

before-you-even-get-out-of-bed set) and started tapa yog karam kriya in

the morning. i hope to build up the time of the kriya, but i know how i

am in the morning and i don't want to fail. so maybe i will just do my

longer sadhana in the afternoon. when it comes to yoga, something is

better than nothing. not so true with relationships.

thank you for caring, gururattan. thank you ALL for caring!

sat nam,

sue in seattle

[Guest guest]

Dear Sue,

 

Sat Nam! Fabulous! You are on your way to connect with your soul and the

Divine within in. These instructions are how to establish a connection and

develop a relationship with the Infinite within.

 

I have actually been giving some of these directions for years, but I have

found that I have not been specific enough. Even some of my most dedicated

students have missed the connection. So I am doing my best to break down

these instructions into very small pieces. One baby step at a time.

 

I absolutely know that we can connect with our soul and the Infinite within

and be sustained, nurtured and directed by this energy and knowing. But the

connection is so delicate. Even when we connect for a moment, we lose it.

 

I know we can access this connection and keep it. But it definitely takes

practice. It is like slowing weaving a beautiful tapestry.

 

meditation i did (40 days) and it felt familiar and also

> empowering.

 

* Familiar is a good choice. We want to build the experience of "familiar"

 

i tried to find the space within and feel that i connected

> with SOMEthing

 

* That is a good start. Just keep looking and listening inside your head.

Tomorrow it will still be there and you will get to know it better. No need

to put a name on it. Just be with your experience.

 

- not sure if it is what you refer to, but i will keep

> trying. i wondered: what is this space? what is it for?

 

* It is the rabbit hole to the Universal mind, to our soul.

 

As one of our participants wrote -- "you were describing that quiet place

that we all have inside of us that we tend to forget about and how it is

just waiting for us to remember it; I think I found it comforting. I will

have to meditate on it."

 

Yes, meditate on this comforting space. And keep feeling "comforted" We

will each have our own special feeling that will entice us to continue. The

aspects of the Divine are infinite. We only need one to awaken to Divine

consciousness. So feel what feels good to you and stick with it. You are

cultivating your personal relationship. This is between you and you.

 

> when i finished i felt very sad. i hope that doesn't continue

 

STEP TWO

* Acknowledge and love your sadness. The first thing is you have to allow

and accept whatever you are feeling. Loving creates transformation. Stick

with loving until you feel a shift. Love the feeling and try to not be in a

story.

 

* I could go on, but loving whatever you feel is so basic. We each have to

love, accept, allow and not judge what we are feeling. There is no way to

advance without this piece. Maybe all we need is to love at this core

level.

 

Now you have three doors.

 

1. Look and listen inside to connect with your inner space.

 

2. Meditate on the existential feeling --- familiar, satisfaction, comfort,

space, empty.

 

3. Allow and love all emotional feelings without judgment and stories.

 

Whatever is the best time for you, do it then. 4 in the afternoon is a very

good time.

 

Many blessings,

 

Gururattana