kriya/meditation

[Guest guest]

Sat Nam

I am hoping someone can help me with a meditation and or kriya. I

medicate myself with food when faced with uncertainty. The

uncertainty with my husband's job has caused a lot of anxiety for me.

I recently made the connection between this feeling and the feeling I

use to get as a child wondering what kind of mood my parents would be

in. My dad was physically and sexually abusive and my mother was his

enabler. She was also one of the coldest and unloving persons I have

ever known. I am adopted. I have an adopted brother 8 years older

whom my father used to beat the tar out of regularly and in front of

me. The feeling is a lot like 'waiting for the other shoe to drop'

and walking on egg shells. It is hard to describe without using

cliches.

I have medicated with food since I was a child. I moved to marijuana

as a teen and continued until about 10 years ago. I still dream about

smoking it!! I am approx. 120 lbs overweight but,surprising to most,

very active. All of my lab work is excellent. Do to KY and actually

allowing myself to feel something other than anger, I no longer

experience depression or inappropriate responses to everyday

situations.

I am 130+ days into the kirtin kriya. I am nearly finished with a 40

day meditation on the self-3 min. each of spinal flex, sat kriya,

shoulder shrugs followed by 6 min. of meditation- then repeat. I did

this because I received my spiritual name in November and wanted to

meditate on it before I started using it. I just started Siri Gaitri

Mantra for a friend who is sick. I have practiced KY daily for a year

and a half with some intermittant practice previous to this.

I tried the med. to break addiction but the alternating pressure on

my very sensitive teeth nearly sent me to the moon!!

My father passed away nearly a year ago and I have to say that I feel

physically safe for the first time. Today is my 17th wedding

anniversary and I have a 12 year old daughter. I am so blessed with

family and friends and truly am happy. This feeling I described feels

like the last thing to let go but I am uncertain what to do about it

because it has been a part of my life for 30+years.

Any advice is appreciated. Thank you in advance!!

Sat Sangat

[Guest guest]

Dearest tracy,

though this is not exactly a meditation in the kundalini or yogic

sense it helped me greatly to overcome anxiety and a sense of not

being safe in the world that came from growing up in an abusive

household. i have found that affirmations can make a huge difference

in changing our thought patterns and the emotions attached to them.

The first one i used was "i am safe in the world" which i repeated

anytime i was engaged in a repetative task that didn't take much

concentration or when i was walking. After about three weeks it was as

if the sun had come out from behind the clouds, shone directly on me

with its warmth and i finally felt safe in the world for the first

time. We can make up our own affirmations, there are only two

rules...they need to start with "i am" and they need to be in the

present tense. The simpler the better usually. Perhaps something like

"i am safe in the world and trust the universe (or god, according to

your beliefs) to support and protect me" would help in your

situtation. Sometimes when we start repeating an affirmation old

thought patterns will try to re-assert themselves by arguing with you.

Simply keep repeating the affirmation and pay attention to whose voice

that actually is in your head (often you will find it's not your own

at all). i hope this helps somewhat. You are obviously a woman of

great courage

blessings on your journey

ovasoul

 

Kundaliniyoga, "tracy" <trcy_barnes> wrote:

>

> Sat Nam

> I am hoping someone can help me with a meditation and or kriya. I

> medicate myself with food when faced with uncertainty. The

> uncertainty with my husband's job has caused a lot of anxiety for me.

> I recently made the connection between this feeling and the feeling I

> use to get as a child wondering what kind of mood my parents would be

> in. My dad was physically and sexually abusive and my mother was his

> enabler. She was also one of the coldest and unloving persons I have

> ever known. I am adopted. I have an adopted brother 8 years older

> whom my father used to beat the tar out of regularly and in front of

> me. The feeling is a lot like 'waiting for the other shoe to drop'

> and walking on egg shells. It is hard to describe without using

> cliches.

> I have medicated with food since I was a child. I moved to marijuana

> as a teen and continued until about 10 years ago. I still dream about

> smoking it!! I am approx. 120 lbs overweight but,surprising to most,

> very active. All of my lab work is excellent. Do to KY and actually

> allowing myself to feel something other than anger, I no longer

> experience depression or inappropriate responses to everyday

> situations.

> I am 130+ days into the kirtin kriya. I am nearly finished with a 40

> day meditation on the self-3 min. each of spinal flex, sat kriya,

> shoulder shrugs followed by 6 min. of meditation- then repeat. I did

> this because I received my spiritual name in November and wanted to

> meditate on it before I started using it. I just started Siri Gaitri

> Mantra for a friend who is sick. I have practiced KY daily for a year

> and a half with some intermittant practice previous to this.

> I tried the med. to break addiction but the alternating pressure on

> my very sensitive teeth nearly sent me to the moon!!

> My father passed away nearly a year ago and I have to say that I feel

> physically safe for the first time. Today is my 17th wedding

> anniversary and I have a 12 year old daughter. I am so blessed with

> family and friends and truly am happy. This feeling I described feels

> like the last thing to let go but I am uncertain what to do about it

> because it has been a part of my life for 30+years.

> Any advice is appreciated. Thank you in advance!!

> Sat Sangat

>

[Guest guest]

Dear Sat Sangat:

 

 

 

Sat Nam!

 

 

 

You've had a hard childhood. I know someone who was raised by a mother who

beat her and her siblings. She would beat anyone who would utter a word so

this person developed asthma, as she learned to hold her breath too much.

But she's not scared of her mother. And she does not use food as a way to

cope.

 

 

 

I give you this example to let you know that how we respond to abuse in our

childhood is personal. And that's something interesting in and of itself,

isn't it? Because if we each react differently to hardship, then we each

make a choice somehow to react a certain way. And if we make a choice, it is

in our power to change that choice. Does this make sense? From your e-mail,

it sounds like you have work through a lot of your pain. Yet, you still tell

the story of your childhood (I assume) in order to explain where you are

now.

 

 

 

I may shock you, but it is not because of the past that you are facing your

problems today, it is because you still carry the story you tell, and you

still make the same choice as a reaction to it.

 

 

 

In other words, it is not the story that's the problem or your past, and

that's the good news because no one can do anything about the past. It's

already gone! But you can do something about what you do today, right now.

And right now, even though it is unconscious, you still carry the story with

you and you still choose to respond to it the way you have been all along.

My message to you is it is up to you: you don't need to carry the story, it

is no longer yours and. you can make different choices on how you choose to

respond to hardship.

 

 

 

I hear you say perhaps: "What do you mean it is no longer my story, you can

talk to my siblings, they will tell you!"

 

And perhaps: "How do I stop carrying the story anyway?"

 

 

 

It is no longer your story because you are a different person today. Today

you have the power to be with who you choose to be, to live the life you

want to live. It may take some time to actually live all this, but you have

the power to start the process any moment. The story you carry is only the

story of the child you once were and you are no longer that child.

 

 

 

You stop carrying the story by becoming aware of how you use that story to

justify things today and stopping yourself. Telling yourself "No that's no

longer my story." And ask yourself what you are doing: are you trying to

justify something, explain something away. and ask yourself what the real

issue is.

 

 

 

You mention the financial situation your husband is in and it is a burden on

your family and you feel a lack of security that reminds you of your family

of origin. but it isn't the same is it? It is actually much better now than

it was back then. You say that yourself. So why bring the past into it? What

do you have to gain?

 

Instead recreate yourself: you feel insecurity, yes. so how does it really

feel (since it is not the same insecurity that you lived as a child, it must

be a different feeling)? When you acknowledge your true feeling, you will

feel your own sense of power and what you can do to help your family so you

are in a healthy relationship with your husband and with your children.

 

 

 

So I suggest you continue doing all the yoga you do. You're doing wonderful!

I would not suggest a particular meditation to add on. Just a change of

perspective according to what I suggest above.

 

 

 

Best wishes and blessings,

 

Awtar S.

 

Rochester, NY

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

[Guest guest]

Dear Sat Sangat

In my own personal experience (also coming from a difficult

childhood) the anxiety, fear and addiction has been an imbalance in

the first chakra. I have been to many years of counseling,

medications, church and self help groups. They were all very

helpful. However, memories were stored in my body also. At this

point in my life I am learning from my inner guru how to release and

heal. I too am very grateful for what I have and see boundless

possibilities for my future.

Sometimes I become impatient with my healing timeline. You may find

everyone responding will have their own idea of what can work for

you. My advice is take out every book on Kundalini from the

library. Go to Borders and read in their cafe. Subscribe to Yoga

magazines. Find a teacher you trust. As you practice, and read,

become a sponge soaking in all that seems to work for you. Your

inner guru WILL give you a nudge in the right direction, leading you

to the Kriyas and Meditations that will work best for you.

Blessings,

Jeanette in Maine

> Sat Nam

> I am hoping someone can help me with a meditation and or kriya. I

> medicate myself with food when faced with uncertainty. The

> uncertainty with my husband's job has caused a lot of anxiety for

me.

> I recently made the connection between this feeling and the feeling

I

> use to get as a child wondering what kind of mood my parents would

be

> in. My dad was physically and sexually abusive and my mother was

his

> enabler. She was also one of the coldest and unloving persons I

have

> ever known. I am adopted. I have an adopted brother 8 years older

> whom my father used to beat the tar out of regularly and in front

of

> me. The feeling is a lot like 'waiting for the other shoe to drop'

> and walking on egg shells. It is hard to describe without using

> cliches.

> I have medicated with food since I was a child. I moved to

marijuana

> as a teen and continued until about 10 years ago. I still dream

about

> smoking it!! I am approx. 120 lbs overweight but,surprising to

most,

> very active. All of my lab work is excellent. Do to KY and actually

> allowing myself to feel something other than anger, I no longer

> experience depression or inappropriate responses to everyday

> situations.

> I am 130+ days into the kirtin kriya. I am nearly finished with a

40

> day meditation on the self-3 min. each of spinal flex, sat kriya,

> shoulder shrugs followed by 6 min. of meditation- then repeat. I

did

> this because I received my spiritual name in November and wanted to

> meditate on it before I started using it. I just started Siri

Gaitri

> Mantra for a friend who is sick. I have practiced KY daily for a

year

> and a half with some intermittant practice previous to this.

> I tried the med. to break addiction but the alternating pressure on

> my very sensitive teeth nearly sent me to the moon!!

> My father passed away nearly a year ago and I have to say that I

feel

> physically safe for the first time. Today is my 17th wedding

> anniversary and I have a 12 year old daughter. I am so blessed with

> family and friends and truly am happy. This feeling I described

feels

> like the last thing to let go but I am uncertain what to do about

it

> because it has been a part of my life for 30+years.

> Any advice is appreciated. Thank you in advance!!

> Sat Sangat

>