San Rafael

[Guest guest]

Dear Divine Siblings,

 

I was fortunate enough to attend the retreat in CA and therefore bring

back some juicy tidbits. This kind of sharing reminds me of the stories

from Bhagavatham, where a Gopi would share tales of Krishna with others.

A marked characteristic of the Gopi-bhava is that it is devoid of

jealousy. It may have a tinge of good-natured envy but definitely not

the bad vibes created by the green monster!

So here goes -

I arrived in the hall by 4:30 on Friday evening. It was a very large

hall and the dining room was big too. Amma came around 8:00 pm (I am a

little hazy on this as TIME literally stands still when I am with

Amma!). Anyway, talk of personal acknowledgment! Amma gave me one of Her

BEAMING smiles (What Swamiji calls - THE AMMA LOOK!) which meant, I know

you are here! I was planning on going for darshan, but changed my mind,

seeing the large number of people. Swami Ramakrishna gave a beautiful

talk about how two things initially prevented him from joining the

Ashram. One was his great love and attachment toward his parents. And

the other? His deep attachment toward buttermilk and yogurt! (I could

relate to this as all South Indian Brahmins rely heavily on butter,

yogurt, buttermilk and milk!) There was an uproar of laughter! When Amma

asked him to join the Ashram, he replied casually that he did not mind

except that in those day there was no provision for yogurt or buttermilk

in the Ashram! Amma responded, that that was no problem and that She

would make the necessary arrangements. Tension soon arose between him

and his parents as initially they were opposed to his joining the

Ashram. Thus, both his attachments soon evaporated in the warm sun of

Amma's love.

Saturday morning - Swamiji gave a stirring class. (I wish I had

listened, but was busy helping a friend get ready for pada-puja. I heard

bits and pieces of how a doctor would keep talking about a relapse

(depression) terrifying swamini with an inexplicable fear. This doctor

had come all the way from Paris to be with Swamiji when he was going

through a painful phase of depression. There were times when Swamiji,

out of sheer fright, made excuses not to talk or be with him. But,

slowly he realized that Amma was forcing him to confront his fear.

Later, in the day, I had a beautiful darshan with Amma and came away on

cloud nine as She had sanctioned my inner desires.

The next morning, I sat in front for Swamiji's class. Dear brothers and

sisters - I now understand a little more why we need to experience pain

and suffering. Swamiji's past bout with 'depression' has taken him to a

deeper level of peace, understanding, sympathy, wisdom ... I could go on

and still come up short. The soul knows it. All I can say is that at the

end of the talk I went up to him to seek permission that his talk may be

put on the web. Each sentence was a gem! I know that many eyes glistened

with tears as we listened enraptured.

In the evening, Radhika gave a stirring speech which was both insightful

as well as humorous. I wish they would put all the talks on the web as I

believe that we cannot do justice to them. Radhika's account of how she

managed to cook a meal in Japan was hilarious. She had anticipated

working in a state-of-the-art kitchen! Contrary to her expectations, she

had to work in two dilapidated kitchens (a mile apart - one at the top

and the other at the bottom of the foothill!). One did not even work in

the beginning. At the end of her talk, there was a thunderous applause!

Sunday morning - Amma gave an impromptu satsang. A resident or a person

who visits the Indian Ashram regularly apparently had some questions

about the gender differences. Amma stopped Swami Amritatma (who had just

begun to sing Shyama Gopala Maza) and started to speak loudly, so

everyone could hear. She said that as Her role as the head of an

administration, She was forced to instill some rules (which at times

could go contrary to individual desires and wishes). She was sympathetic

to each person's desires but was forced by circumstances to stress on

following the laid down rules.

The questions were:

1) Why do male Swamis have a more important role?

2) Why do people bow to swamis and not swaminis?

3) Why do swaminis wash the swami's clothes?

4) Why do only males translate Amma's questions?

 

Amma's general answers were as follows. (I do this with great fear and

trepidation, as I fully understand my incapacity at trying to rephrase

Amma's words.)

Amma: As a head of an organization, children, I am forced to lay down

certain rules for the smooth running of all branches. In India, going

along with the established cultural barriers, I have to segregate the

males and females. As it is, I am having to deal with lot of problems

that emerge due to the fact that unlike other Ashrams, all my children

(males and females) live in one hermitage.

In India, it is improper for males and females to have physical

proximity. Such interactions may be misconstrued. In the west, it is not

so as you have a freer way of interaction. Those who bow down to Swamis

should also bow down in reverence to the Swaminis. So ask the people,

who don't follow this, instead of questioning me! Males and females are

like two wheels (two front wheels) of a car. They should not compete

with each other, but complete each other.

Amma has pointed out time and again that She wants females to keep all

the feminine attributes of patience, forbearance, love, tenderness etc.

but also develop the male tendencies of courage, firmness, a steely

determination etc. She wants men to develop the feminine traits of

sensitivity, tenderness, feeling etc.

My apologies for expressing my humble opinion about this whole thing -

in one sense I am glad that these questions, that were tormenting some

siblings, were brought to the forefront. But, I felt that darshan was

not the place or the time to pose these questions. I felt that they took

an "attack mode", which is highly improper for a sadhak. Many a times,

the Guru may "appear" to behave unjustly or improperly, but time and

time again, if the situation could be explained, it would make perfect

sense. A couple of examples come to mind -

Amma refused to grant manthra to a devotee three times. Disheartened and

disconsolate, he came back a fourth time. This time she did. A short

time later, he had a heart attack and died. Amma later explained (as

recounted by Swami Ramakrishna) that this devotee was like a ripe fruit

(with very little karma left). Had She given him the mantra earlier, he

would have departed. Amma wanted all his karma to be exhausted.

Many a times, I have noticed Amma paying special attention to someone.

Every time, it turned out that that person was facing a terrible ordeal

- death, disease, divorce, destruction or some such calamity. (In fact

there are times, I do not want attention from Amma, lest it come with

some foreboding!)

What I learned from this is that we need to have faith (Shraddha), which

is like the very foundation of our existence. We have faith in our

bodies, families, friends, society, automobiles, but ironically have

little faith in the one and only person, in whom we could really place

our complete trust - our GURU! Amma knows the past, present and future

of our existence. She knows why we behave the way we do. Patiently, She

waits for us to realize our own follies. She does not thrust Her

opinions at us. She wants the realization to dawn and unfold by itself.

Because when it does, we will not only understand the whole new

perspective but would have become mature enough to learn and become

wiser. Remember - She has said, evolution is SLOW, revolution is HASTY.

Sometimes, it takes eons to conquer just one vasana. My very life stands

testimony to the fact that I have cherished ANGER like a valuable guest

for many lifetimes. Only with Amma's grace have I gotten a little over

it. Like this, there are millions of vasanas. It would take all the

trees of this earth to jot them down! I do not mean this to be

disheartening to folks, because there is HELP. In front of Divine Grace,

which is like a million effulgent Suns, what can darkness do but

sheepishly turn tail and beat a hasty retreat?

Amma has a unique role in this world - She is a WORLD FIGURE. There are

many countries, cultures, languages, customs, life-experiences where Her

children come from. To this, add the ingredients of warring with one's

own vasanas (innate tendencies), past practices, alien cultures, Ashram

guidelines etc. Can you imagine the potpourri in the Amritapuri Ashram?

She has to gently steer us back repeatedly to stay focused on the common

themes of LOVE, RESPECT, HUMILITY, CARING, FELLOW FEELING, SYMPATHY etc.

and thereby transcend our human limitations. Is it too difficult to

imagine that should you be stripped of your various human identities,

what would be left? The same sparkling SOUL, which is common to all.

Amma wants us to go beyond these barriers of caste, creed, gender,

nationality, language, customs and frailties.

When we want to visit a land we have not visited ever, or even in a long

time, what do we do? We educate ourselves on all aspects of that land -

politics, society, customs language, dress, food etc. If we wish to

visit the spiritual realm, should we not do the same? Amma has the road

map. How many of us have taken cruises and tours? Do we not follow our

guides blindly? If we choose to ride the AMMA SHIP, should we not do the

same?

Pardon me for getting carried away. I apologize to all of you for not

only this lengthy mail, but also for hurting any feelings. If I have

committed any of these, I have full faith that you will look upon me as

your thoughtless sister and pardon my transgressions.

Jai MA!

Chandrika