Om Amrtesvaryai Namah!!

[Guest guest]

Om Amrtesvaryai Namah!!

 

Namaste dear Ones!!!

 

it is so nice to find you dear brothers and sisters!!!! Amma led me

to this site a couple days ago and i've been enjoying the delicious

Amma stories...and thank you, Kalima, for sharing Swamiji's satsang

address re Christmas...his satsangs are so inspiring and sweet.

an introduction: i am visvanathan...a name Amma gave me in spring

of 96, at San Ramon, one of the two times i've been "allowed" to make

it all the way down there to California from my home in British

Columbia, Canada.

i met Amma first in THIS life in June 95 at Fort Flagler State

Park, just a ways from Seattle...and Mother's leelas have continued

ever more obviously since then...isn't it strange how once you've met

Her, that you can see the traces of Her cute little fingers stirring

up the pot of your life, from the moment you were born...

the first time i met Mother, She avoided the path that had been

made down the middle of the hall, and wandered thru the crowd of

children on Her way up to the stage, where She bowed in Pranam for a

LONG time....

Then She sat up, and saying Her usual sweet, Husky, soft, "Shivane!

Shivane!! Shivane!" She waved Her hands around in Her peculiar but

delightful way....Then Amma started Her talk...The first thing Swami

Amritaswarupanandaji said was: "Amma told me to tell you that everyone

in this hall tonight has been with Amma before..." and continued on...

For most of the people there that was no surprise...they already knew

Her...but for me it WAS a surprise, and led me to thinking about our

connections and how could i have been with Her before, when i had

never seen Her before in this life????the past life theory

immediately popped into the mind....and that's where i've left

it...more about that in a later letter...

The way that Amma came into my life this time, is interesting

too...She's such an artist!!! i had been a devotee of Paramahansa

Yoganandaji in the 80's, but had kind of lost it for a while.. then in

1993 or 94, i became again, for some reason, interested in the Divine

Mother...and reading again his book on "How to Talk with God", i

decided to follow his instructions for once....he said to call Her,

and call Her with tearful eyes, and a loving heart, never giving up,

and knowing that if you call long enough and with enough love, that

She will come....i had blown up a picture of Divine Mother from that

book...it's also in his Autobiography...and coloured it, afterwards

placing it in a frame on an altar, and calling to Her to reveal

Herself, just has he had suggested, thru this picture of Her....

Well, after quite a while of this, (when finally She became

convinced that i meant business i suppose, or just tired of my

whining!!), She came!!!!first in the form of Mother Meera, thru the

book "Hidden Journey", which really deepened my connection with the

Mother.... i particularly liked how She had no rules...just offer

everything you do to Her....However, i had a little trouble with the

stories told in the book by Adilaksmi called "The Mother", as i had

little experience in the Hindu Holy Person world...the stories seemed

a little farfetched...

so when i saw a copy of Linda Johnsen's "Daughters of the Goddess"

in February 95, i ordered it....and started reading...with a full

heart and tearful eyes....the last "Daughter" at the very end of the

book was Amma!!!the moment i saw Her picture, Her Divine Love just

flowed over me and i burst into sobs, and tears of Love and

Longing...i read the story and it WAS inspiring, but Ms Johnsen spoke

of Mother as kind of like a "drill-sergeant" with Her close

devotees...very strict....so i was scared off, being one of the

original anarchistic types...

However when i went to a distant city (Vancouver, BC) i saw Amma's

"Awake Children" books for sale (and others) in a spiritual

bookshop.....so i bought three or four books....and started reading

them....Ah what nectar!!!....Amma's own words!!!!just like the Gospel

of Sri Ramakrsna, only She is alive NOW...this was the fulfillment of

a very deep prayer and longing, ever since i had read the Gospel...He

was such an inspiration in showing us how to Love the Mother Kali!!!

such a sweet and loving man!!! my Hero!!!!so to speak, and my model,

until i met Mother...now i see no difference between them...so anyways

i read these delicious books, and only after a few pages of the first

one, i called down to the store, ordering the rest to be shipped up by

the mail...and settled in for a delicious feast...

A couple of weeks later, as i and the fellow with disabilities

that i work with, went into our office, my boss (of the time) came out

and told me: "Amma is coming to Seattle." (She knew about my interest

in Mother Meera, and thought that's who she was referring me to, i

suppose)...anyways, i wasn't that interested...too far, too expensive,

too many holier-than-thou folks all clad in white...and then there's

that "drill-sergeant"...gotta watch out for Her!!!!

i told a couple friends about Her coming, and they immediately

insisted that they were going and that i was coming whether i liked it

or not...i said i thought not....and we discussed it furiously...they

were strongly in favour....i needed it they said....(this was strange

because they had never indicated any interest in spirituality before,

or in any of the Gurus, or Mothers....or any of that...Mother was

playing with us!)

so still in a state of semi-refusal i went home. Later in the

evening i headed up to the Puja room, where i sat in front of

Meeramma's image, and was inspired (despite my earlier reluctance!)

to ask Her: "Should i go to see the Holy Mother, Sri Mata

Amritanandamayi Devi?" (very formal aren't i?)...

IMMEDIATELY behind my closed eyes appeared Amma...standing there

just like in one of the first couple Awaken Children books where She

was standing in front of an oceanic sunset...and looking lovingly at

me!!!Then She turned into Light, shrank down to a point of light and

disappeared!!! Needless to say, i had my answer!!!And now, whenever i

thought of Seattle, there was this big warm loving Sun down there

inviting us to come....and we did.

it's amazing how Amma puts these ideas into your head that you

should do something which you've never intended doing, and then you do

it, and you are so glad you did!!!

i WASN'T going to ask Her if She was my Guru, and in fact avoided

the question for the first year...(as well as a mantra...didn't want

one, cause that would mean commitment to the drill-sergeant!)

However over the winter of Her absence, the thought would always

come up as to whether She was or not....and what Her relationship with

Meeramma was...Then one day a friend at work (who has since met Amma

too!) suggested that i might like "The Little Buddha"...i thought

about it...not that interested in Buddhism, but ok...sure...and when i

came home from a walk one day, there was the video, sitting just

inside my door...and on TOP of it was a cassette tape of Amma's

Bhajans, with a picture of Her on it....i immediately noticed that,

and thought: "Amma wants me to see this movie" and watched it....

Well the movie answered all my problems perfectly....you know how

in that movie, the Tibetan monks are looking for the new reincarnation

of their beloved teacher (!)...and they find first one in Seattle,

then another in Kathmandu, and a third in another part of India....so

there are three contenders for the title....the lead monk doesn't

quite know how to solve this so he asks the State Oracle for the

Answer...Guess what it was....the Teacher was incarnated in all THREE

of the children!!!..and so i saw that the Divine Mother would have no

trouble whatever incarnating in as many bodies as She would think

necessary to bring us back Home to Her lap...Thus i Saw that Amma and

Meeramma are really the SAME Divine Mother, but merely different

"expressions" or aspects of that Mother...This really set my mind at

ease, and i started to realize that Meeramma was turning me over to

Her "sister", Amma, for further training...

Still i wasn't into asking Amma any such formal questions as to

whether She is my Guru or not, because of the implied commitment of

the Guru/Shishya relationship...and i know i'm just TOO lazy for

that!!!....So i managed to avoid the question for a couple days...and

then there i am in the middle darshan line slowly coming up to Amma,

when i am "seized" with the unbearable need to know...and i find

myself (despite my earlier resolutions!!) asking a neighbour in the

line for a pencil and another for paper (yes i know now that you're

not supposed to ask questions in the darshan line, but i didn't know

then!)...

so i get up to Amma and there i am, totally nervous about asking

this question, because now i've got to know, and the answer is

suddenly extremely important--don't ask me why!! i'm on tenterhooks as

Swamiji (Amritaswarupanandaji) reads Her the question: "Is Amma my

Guru?"

Amma on hearing the question (the trickster!!!)burst out into

gentle guffaws of laughter...."Yes!! Yes!! Yes!! Yes!!" was all She

said through the laughing...it was so sweet...AND it was HER idea, i

know that...She made me ask Her, because She couldn't afford to wait

for me to decide eventually to go for it...Amma has Her own

agenda...and so i asked...and She said, and everything took off from

there....

the next year, i offered Her a beautiful basket tray of Hershey's

kisses with Three Mangoes in the middle (for the Three Gunas and for

Body Speech and Mind)....She had been looking at them as i approached

Her off and on...you know how She'll cast a glance at you when you're

not looking, or noticing, and when you do notice She'll look

away...kind of like that...but She was looking at this basket quite

often....and when i got up to offer it to Her, what did She say?

"Guru Achara?" looking me straight in the eyes..."Yes Amma" says

i, even though i don't have the least idea what i just agreed to....i

knew it was important and that i should say yes...don't know why, but

i knew that....when i asked for a translation of it i was told it

means "the things you do for the Guru"...the customs associated with

the Guru...and i was so glad i had intuitively said yes...because that

was JUST how i had meant the offering....and Amma had read my

mind...or She put the idea in there in the first place just so She

could play some more.....so....i will close for now, lest all of you

might have dropped off into profound slumber.....

In the Divine Mother's

Love, and in Her Service,

i humbly salute you all!!!

bowing again and again!!

 

and remaining

as ever,

 

Your Own Self,

 

visvanathan

 

Om Amrtesvaryai Namah!!