Amma names

December 28, 2000

In a message dated 12/28/00 12:53:24 PM Eastern Standard Time,

ammaskenna writes:

<< Dear List members,

Would anyone on this list be willing to share with us their process of

receiving a name from Amma and how they went about incorporating it into

their life?

Here's a little of my story:

Though I've followed Amma since 1987, I did not feel moved to ask her for a

name until last January at the Ashram the day before we left. It was the

first time I had ever directly asked Her anything, I was very nervous

and...she said there was no time. I was quite crushed and left the next day

in a disheveled emotional state. I couldn't even bring myself to go into the

temple during morning darshan to say good-bye! By Her Infinite Grace, she saw

to it that we performed archana every morning upon returning, no small task

if you could hear how my tongue still balks at some of those wonderful

sanskrit names. At the retreat in Santa Fe, I felt very comfortable asking

again, having been told that Amma prefers to give Westerners names during

the programs here (though she blessed our son with a name there). It was a

joy to receive it, and somehow it felt like performing archana for 6 months

beforehand was a necessary step in this case. I felt very shy about using

the name at first, even with devotees. Actually, this list is about the only

place I use it, and even then irregularly and tentitively. It has been

growing on me. Just the other day after archana my husband pointed out to me

that it was number 730. I hadn't even realized it was one of Devi's names!

That was a sweet discovery. Today I read the discourse on it. After the

explosions around the eclipse, it feels like I have a long way to go before

putting on that name. It seems to be a slow process of growing into it, yet

another way Amma reshapes us.

So...that's my humble story. Any other stories to add some understanding?

Any explanations from the Hindu tradition about the bestowing of names would

be most welcome, of course!

In Her Grace,

kenna/premarupa

Like your self, I met Amma in 1987 and didn't feel pulled in anyway to ask

for a spiritual name. Around 1996, I felt to ask Amma for a name and tried

during the first November retreat in San Ramon. I did not receive the name

and I trusted the process. I tried again the next year to no avail and again

I trusted the process. Then in 1988 I believe, I asked again with some

friends at the Fort Flagler retreat and I received my name.

I realized I was under the impression that nothing could surpass my receiving

a mantra from Amma and I was wrong to say the least.

When I got in line to receive my spiritual name I focused on Amma and

clearing my mind of anything other than her inner peace. I "knew" I was going

to receive my name and when I went up beside her I felt as if I could barely

move. She pulled me close to her and all I could hear was what I thought was

Ma and Dee Ma and Dee..over and over and over and over again. Now, my name is

Deborah Dee and I go by Dee so I was a little perplexed and just sat there

looking at Amma unsure of what she was saying and liking Ma and Dee at the

sametime and the oneness of it all hahahahahaha. She pulled me to her again

and said it again over and over and there I sat in an altered space feeling

like I was just about to be birthed in someway. Then when she finished

hugging me and started hugging darshan people in her lap I just sat there...I

just couldn't seem to move and she burst out laughing and pointed her finger

at me saying real loudly exaggerating phonetically "Ma..............

la.................. ti"

Then she called over one of the bramacharins and had him write it down and

told him what my name meant. He helped me up off the floor and told me my

name was Malati and that it means "She who was beyond all sorrow" with that,

I burst out laughing, my friends who overheard everything burst out laughing

and Amma burst out laughing. It was a totally amazing experience.

I could go on and on hahahahaha.

In Love's Service

Malati

December 31, 2000

I just reread what I sent to the list about receiving my spiritual name.

I get in such an altered state thinking of receiving my spiritual name that I

forget what it means and what all happened hahahahhha. I noticed I put it in

the past tense instead of the present... It is "she who is beyond all

sorrow". hmmmmmmmmmmm was I in a state of sorrow and didnt know it

hahahahahhha Amma pointed her finger at me and said

"Ma................La.............Ti", Your Name, Ma La Ti....I just sat

there in total stillness in the awe of All That Is.

I remember that right before I received my name this beautiful tall woman

devotee got up on the stage and sang Ma in long chants over and over through

the angelic realms. I love singing out MaMaMaMaMa Maaaaaaaaaaaaa. I was

totally transported by it and tried to find out her name and Oh, how I wanted

a recording of such a beautiful voice and song. I believe she sings in San

Ramon. I have never seen her before or since. Her song I carry in my heart

when I think of my spiritual name initiation. I thank you so very much

beautiful Amma Devotee.

Happy New Year Brother and Sisters in Amma. May Amma Hold You In Her Arms,

Kiss You All Over Your Face, Tickle Your Sides And Sing Sweet Bliss In Your

Ears In The Coming Year 2001.

In Love's Service

Malati

December 31, 2000

Amritanand's story was very touching. I am still not fully appreciative of

my name. I waited many years until I felt "right" about asking for a name.

But I did not have the special feeling I had hoped for when I got it. I felt

like Mother was just going through lists and passing out names when I got

mine. This is my feeling. Yet my heart also knows that Mother is Omniscient

and gives to each person exactly the name that is right, whether she makes a

big deal of it or not. It has been a year and a half and I rarely use it. I

think I don't understand its meaning. Or how it applies to me. The name she

gave me is Triveni, which is a place in India where three sacred rivers come

together.

Gayle

December 31, 2000

Dear Premarupa and Other Interested Divine Ones,

I posted this description of getting my spiritual name from Amma - on the

other Amma list - in February 1999 after I had returned from India (my first

trip to Amritapuri). For me, getting the name took up a lot of space in my

mind the 8 days I was there. I felt it would be special to get the name in

India and my mind couldn't conceive of waiting until the US Tour. The

process taught me a lot about my own level of persistence (stubbornness) and

how I tend to get fixated on things. However, persistence, when applied to

the right circumstances, can be a very positive quality.

I noticed someone else mentioned that Amma doesn't give spiritual names to

Western devotees very much in India, so I guess I'm glad I got mine where I

did, but it wasn't a simple process.

I still feel today that I am very glad to have a spiritual name - I feel

much more like a true child of Amma, having it. I feel blessed to have a

name that is closely linked to Amma's name. It constantly reminds me that I

am not Harry the software salesman, I am not Harry the writer, I am not

Harry the householder. I am AMRITANAND, spiritual seeker, spiritual novice,

Amma's son. So when I returned from India to the San Ramon satsang, I began

re-introducing myself to everyone there as Amritanand. A few people at San

Ramon who knew me before the India trip still call me Harry, but many have

switched over and I introduce myself to new acquaintances as Amritanand. I

also sign spiritual e-mails as Amritanand. I still refer to myself as Harry

in other areas of my life for no highly important reason.

So here is the story of getting my name at the Amritapuri ashram.

<<Before embarking on my pilgrimage to see Amma at Amritapuri last month

(December 1998), I had thought for a few months about the idea of asking

her for a spiritual name while I was over there. I thought long and hard,

and interviewed several people at the San Ramon satsang who already had

their spiritual names.

A number of people had told me that Mother doesn't always give a

spiritual name to one of her devotees, or if she does, she doesn't

always do it the first time you ask. In fact, many said it was common

for her to put the person off for a few months or even years. The

figure "ten years" came up repeatedly.

However, I was not discouraged. I felt that taking the mantra in

November 1997 was the first level of serious commitment to Amma. As a

regular attendee at weekly satsangs and other classes at the San Ramon

ashram, I had run into a number of people who have spiritual names and I

couldn't think of any reason why I shouldn't ask Mother for one. More

importantly, I felt that a) it was time for me to increase my level of

commitment (particularly with my health problems) and b) the spiritual

name would be a constant reminder that I need to keep both my feet, my

heart and my mind on the spiritual path of the Divine Mother. Another

feeling I had was that since taking the mantra, I had oriented a large

portion of my life towards Amma and so taking on a new name would be

reinforcing this "new" identity. I also felt that it couldn't hurt to

ask - "nothing ventured, nothing gained."

Now that I have my new name, I'm glad I went through the process.

But, back to the process:

Unfortunately, the way things worked out, I was only able to stay at

Amritapuri for eight days. I arrived there on a Sunday afternoon. Mother

was traveling back from Calicut that day so there was no darshan. Monday is

Mother's swimming day. Tuesday is a meditation day. So, Wednesday was the

first chance I had to go up for darshan as a "new arrival." When I asked

her if I could have a spiritual name she said, "Yes, sit here.” (pointing to

a spot right beside her in the inner temple. I sat there for awhile in

bliss but after awhile I was hot and needed to go to the rest room, so I

told myself I was lucky to have had that much time close to her and decided

to ask again the next day.

Thursday was Devi Bhava night. I drew a very low numbered token, so I got

up to see Mother very early that evening. Again I asked "Mother may I have

a spiritual name?" Again, she said, "Yes, sit here" and pointed to the same

spot. As before, I sat there totally enraptured as Devi (Amma) greeted her

children, both Indian and Western. But after awhile I realized she was not

going to call me back to give me a name. So I went to the back of the inner

temple and asked a young European man who was the Western line monitor what

I should do. He said that since I had asked a couple of times and only had

a couple more chances for darshan in Amritapuri that I might try getting in

the Friday daytime darshan line. Technically speaking, only those

Westerners newly arriving or newly departing were supposed to go up, but he

said I should explain my situation to the line monitor and probably they

would let me go up.

Friday morning, I did as he said. I arrived at 10:30 a.m. (after having

little sleep during Devi Bhava night) and I waited. And waited. Finally,

about noon, a few other people started to trickle into the temple for

daytime darshan. About 12:45, Amma whooshed into the inner temple and at

that moment, the whole temple filled up! I went up to the Western line

monitor for that day and told him about my situation. He said he was new as

a line monitor and he didn't know who to ask about whether I should be taken

up to Mother directly. I waited and waited in the main part of the temple

for an answer and then finally had to go have something to eat as my blood

sugar was starting to get pretty low.

I rushed over to the Western café and wolfed down a grilled cheese sandwich

and fries and rushed back to the temple. By that time they had closed the

darshan. An Indian man at the rear temple door thought I was trying to

crash the line and closed that door off, insisting that Mother simply

couldn't see anyone else that day.

The next day they were having darshan but I had arranged to go to Cochin for

a tour of the AIMS Hospital (what an inspiration that was!).

Sunday was the last day Amma would be at Amritapuri when I would be there

also. She was leaving on Monday for Palakkad. I got another relatively low

token number for the Sunday darshan and was able to get in that line since

it was the last time I was seeing Amma in India.

When I got up to Mother, I decided to ask her a more specific question:

"Mother, may I have a name TODAY?" She held me in her lap, looked out

straight ahead and started laughing and said "Yes, yes." I received the

traditional candy and sacred ash packet and that was that. I had run out of

chances to receive a name.

Probably due to a week of heat and some of the austerities and because I

felt frustrated at her having told me all week that I was getting a name and

then I never received one, I began to feel very upset. I felt that Mother

was laughing in my face - laughing at me and that made me question my entire

spiritual program. In that state, I retreated to my room in the flats to

stew in my own self-indulgent juices.

My friend Steve had accompanied me to Amritapuri and saw the state I was in.

He went down to the temple at this point to meditate and pray about how he

might be able to help me in this situation. At that moment, he had an

inspiration that a Western bramacarini that had spoken at San Ramon in the

fall would be the person to help me. He had seen her around the grounds in

the previous few days. Shortly thereafter, he heard her voice in the temple

leading bhajans. After her singing stopped, he approached her and told her

about my situation, mentioning that I had no more scheduled darshans in

which I could speak to Mother again.

The bramacarini knew I was a regular at San Ramon satsang and told me that

Swami Paramatmananda had arrived in Amritapuri a couple of days before and

suggested he might be the person to help me get some perspective on what had

happened. She led me to where he was staying but he was not in. What to do

now?

The bramacarini at first suggested that I wait until the U.S. tour in June

and ask Mother then. But in her compassion, then she said that I might go

right back downstairs to the temple with her and throw myself on Mother's

lap and ask her why she was laughing at me and beg for a name. My intuition

told me that's what I should do. When we got back down to the temple, there

were only 20 or so people left on each side of the darshan line. Quick

action was called for.

Next, the bramacarini told me to go up to an Indian man in white who was

standing off to the side at the front of the darshan line. She found out he

was waiting to be one of the last ones up to Amma in the line. She spoke to

him about my situation and he agreed to put me in front of him in the line.

In what seemed like just a second, I was being pushed into Amma's lap and I

simply….let go!

I must have soaked Amma's lap with my tears. I asked why she was

abandoning me. I said I had gone up to her three times to get a name and

she just laughed at me. Didn't she care about me any more? Very quickly,

Mother told the translator that "Mother loves you very much. You are her

darling son. Mother didn't give you a name right away because she wanted to

pick out a name that was different from all the others - one that was

special." The Indian gentleman told me to sit at Mother's side again and

wait. At that I started bawling again since that's what I felt I had been

doing all week - waiting! I must have had a stricken look on my face

because he quickly followed that up with "No, no, Mother wants you to wait

but she will give you a name right now. Just wait one minute here."

Instantly, all sadness, grief and fear left me and I felt transported. Just

as I was completing that thought, Mother leaned over to me at her right side

and very distinctly said in my ear, "Your name is: Amritanand." Somewhat

in a daze, very tired and hot but also very happy, I went to the rear

section of the inner temple and watched Amma for a few more minutes before

leaving the hall.

The next day I was able to meet with Paramatmananda Swami in his quarters.

His first reaction was: “That’s Mother’s name – she gave you her name.” At

that moment I felt truly blessed. Through talking to him and reflecting

these past couple of weeks, I have come to some conclusions about the

process of getting a name:

1) Mother was able to show me some of my own vasanas and insecurities in

this process (not feeling a part of things, fear of being abandoned).

2) Mother is my guru she will always love me. How can the Universal Mother

not love all her children?

3) Sometimes we have to listen to our intuition and take a risk to attain

what we think might be right for us.>>

In the Name of Amma,

Amritanand McCart

Kenna [ammaskenna]

Tuesday, December 26, 2000 10:31 PM

Ammachi