THE INTERMINABLE JOURNEY by Bal Natu

January 3, 2001

I just found this on the Meher Baba website and was deeply moved. I dedicate

it to our Awakener, Mata Amritanandamayi. Amma ki jai!

INTIMATE CONVERSATIONS WITH THE AWAKENER, Bal Natu, Pages 18-19

I thought it would be fun to journey with You, and so it was, at the

beginning. But after a time I began to complain and grumble, and I would hear

You saying, "Have a little more patience, a little more trust in Me." But

this did not seem to pick me up. To cultivate that little bit of patience and

trust that You expected of me was a difficult job. My spirits sagged and my

heart became heavy.

I remembered when I had been happy, so happy, to walk with You hand in hand.

I had thought that would continue until eternity. I don't know why and how

things began to change, but those changes began to unsettle my relationship

with You. It was hard to cope with the new situations that confronted me, and

I began to feel tired and exhausted, weak and helpless. However, sometimes I

would visualize that, with my hand barely clutching Your shoulder, I was

being dragged along after You.

When I had walked beside You in earlier times, my eyes had been greeted by

panoramic vistas of forests and pastures, dales and hills. Now, as my eyes

have grown weak and have lost their distant vision, I walk with my head

lowered, able to see only a few feet in front of me. But on a few occasions,

what beautiful heavens are reflected in the dust of the path! These scenes

are even more beautiful than those that I had previously witnessed. I ask

myself whether these visions are real or just daydreams -- I cannot tell.

So unfathomable are Your ways, it is hard to say anything about You. You are

so close, so close and yet it seems impossible for me even to touch You. How,

then, am I to catch hold of You?

But I am always grateful for Your timely flashes that lead me out of my

confusion. Now I realize my impudence in presuming that I, on my own, could

hold Your hand. For it is always You who hold me, and it is Your

unconditional compassion that sustains me in my seemingly interminable

journey to You.

Let my trust in You sink its roots into the whole soil of my being.

Recommended Posts