My Amritapuri Experience: Part 4

[Guest guest]

Continued from Part 3...

 

The reason for my mounting exasperation must be obvious, but

embarrassment? Being recently clued into some of the essentials of

the spiritual lifestyle - renunciation, frugality, humility and so

on, I was not unaware that my role in the acco discussion was turning

out to be far from exemplary. The way I saw it then, the unreasonable

and insensitive attitude of that 'brahmachari' was bringing out the

worst in me, the parts of me that I would have preferred to keep

buried at least for the duration of my stay in Amritapuri.

 

Now, with the benefit of hindsight, I see it was all Amma's leela.

When I left home I had bragged to my family, and only half in jest,

about how I was a 'sadhak' and 'yogi' unlike the rest of them who

were all 'bhogis'. I had talked about cleaning toilets and doing

other menial work in the spirit of selfless service that I had read

so much about. At that juncture, locked into a losing argument with

this seemingly uncooperative 'brahmachari', some of my lofty speech

came back to haunt me in the back of my mind.

 

I gave up the battle and decided to accept whatever I was offered. He

handed over a set of keys and pointed me in the general direction of

my room. After a little bit of to-and-froing I managed to find the

room. It was in the building behind the new auditorium (where

the 'Devi Bhavas' are held), near the front entrance to the ashram. I

opened the door and stepped inside the room. I flipped the light

switch on but there was no light. The room had a window which was

open and I could see with the aid of the moonlight that was shining

through.

 

There appeared to be a toilet attached to my room so I walked over

and took a look. There was a light in there which worked so I

switched it on. The toilet cum bathroom was an absolute horror. At

least, it seemed so for someone with my background. You see, I am a

bit of a hygiene freak. For a good part of my life, I managed to

avoid ever using any public toilet facility. It is only in recent

years that I have managed to overcome this aversion to a certain

extent. That is the way my mother brought me up, and that is the way

I continue to be for the most part. There was no wash basin, only a

tap mounted very low, just above the floor. Horror of horrors, I

would have to do all my washing with the water from this tap with a

close-up view of an open drain right next to it. The commode was as

unclean as the rest of the bathroom, which incidentally was just big

enough for me to stand in. Fortunately the flush was working and

there did not seem to be any organic waste (crap) in the toilet. The

toilet had a second door to the adjoining room. It was latched from

the other side but I latched it shut from my side as well for good

measure. The last thing I needed was for someone to walk in on my

ignominy.

 

I left the toilet light on and the door ajar so I could inspect the

room using the light. What I saw made my heart sink. The floor was

littered. There was sand all over the floor, a huge ant-hill/termite

mound in one corner and some sundry waste (paper and rags) here and

there. It looked like the room had been in use as a godown or

storehouse for construction material. I recalled seeing just such a

room where sacks of cement were stored, very near the gate on my way

up and figured that my room had been used for a similar purpose prior

to my arrival.

 

I went through a serious crisis of faith right then. Something like

the dark night of the soul described in Christian literature! I felt

weak and wanted to sit down and think through things, about what I

should do next. There was no furniture at all in the room and I could

not even sit on the floor without cleaning it up. At that point I

remembered that I had picked up a newspaper at the airport so I

opened my bag and fished it out. I spread a sheet on the floor and

sat on it. I held my head in my hands and in great agony, began to

absorb the situation. My first reaction was to call off the whole

darshan program and run far, far away from Amritapuri. Maybe my folks

were right when they said I did not have the stomach for

real 'sadhana'. Yes, that was it, I should admit defeat and cut my

losses and run. After all I was a born loser and this episode was not

going to be a radical departure from the main trend in my life.

 

I experienced a range of emotions. I wondered whether Amma knew of my

situation at that exact moment. Of course, she did. She had to.

Otherwise what was the whole point of my taking to Her? I alternated

variously through remonstrance, despair and hurt before finally

settling on surrender. The situation was here and it was incumbent on

me to do what I could. It was time to think, to strategize. The

unusual thing was, even as I went through massive doubt I felt the

presence of Amma in a way that is hard to describe. I felt sure that

She was completely awake, completely present and right there with me

though clearly not in any corporeal form.

 

As I sat there resolving to leave at first light, I realized I had

two options. I could either spend the night sitting up and thereby

avoid the unpleasant task of cleaning up, or I could clean up and try

to make myself comfortable and try to catch some sleep. My first

inclination was to sit tight and wait for the morning to stage my

great escape. Then I remembered I had newspaper, a towel and soap. I

could use the paper to sweep the room and also to lie down on, in

lieu of a mattress. The soap and the towel would be enough for me to

freshen up after the room cleaning job.

 

My spirits lifted a little, the courage flowed back into my system.

My brain decided in favour of cleaning up. When that decision was

taken, I immediately realized that it would be a waste to make all

the effort to clean up the room and still give up on the rest of the

program. Although I had given up the battle for Western acco with

the 'brahmachari' in the office I still intended to make another

effort to try for better quarters in the morning, something superior

to what I had, even if not approaching 'Western' standards. But for

now, I would have to proceed on the assumption that my efforts would

not bear fruit, that any other officials I might talk to would be as

hard on me as this 'brahmachari' had been.

 

Once I decided to clean up it seemed logical to stick it out a little

longer, if I had to derive some return on my investment (of effort).

My strength increased and I resolved to stick to my original program.

I would suvive somehow, I told myself. I would certainly make an

effort to get my room changed, but if that failed I would still be

able to survive. I was pretty sure there would be some kind of shop

on the campus where I could purchase whatever I needed - some

cleaning equipment, a bucket, sheets and whatever else.

 

To be continued in Part 5...

 

Om Amriteshwaryai Namah

 

fg

[Guest guest]

Namah Shivaya.

 

Faintglow's description of the room in the building behind the new

auditorium reminds me of some interesting experiences I had at Amritapuri

regarding trash collection.

 

When I arrived there in January 2000, I was shocked to see how much trash

was laying around the area of the Western kitchen and in the lane and

parking lot outside the back gate. There wasn't even a trash can in the area

of the Western Kitchen!

 

Another visitor had taken it upon himself to start collecting trash and

delivering it to the trash heap at the far end of that building. He inspired

me to begin doing the same. After my regular seva of serving breakfast was

over, I'd spend some time collecting trash, using empty bags from the

construction of the auditorium. It wasn't long before a couple of trash cans

appeared in the area of the Western kitchen, so there was less to do there,

and I branched out to the lane that led from the main road into the parking

lot. This intersected with the village, and lead to a fair amount of

ridicule since littering is apparently a common practice.

 

The effects of littering were probably not so long lived until plastic bags

became common. I collected a lot of plastic bags, some very old and empty,

some with contents best not described. The area where the taxis park and

wait was also quite a challenge.

 

Then there was the area behind the building that FaintGlow is describing.

The western kitchen had some lines strung up on the far end for drying dish

towels, which is how I discovered it. At that time the building was being

used by students at the computer school. Some of them had the habit of using

the window as their trash can, so there was plenty of trash collection to do

back there.

 

Then there was the official trash heap itself where some sevites were

sorting through all the trash delivered to recycle as much as possible

before putting the rest to burn. There was a fascinating array of discards

there. I couldn't help but rescue a book cover with a picture of Amma in

green ink, which currently adorns the inside of our bathroom medicine

closet. (Did you know that is it common for guests to peek inside your

bathroom closets?)

 

In Amma's grace,

 

premarupa

Aum Amriteshvaryai Namah